Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

can anyone help, when leaving ea/pa relationship is it better to rent privately or go to refuge.?

(12 Posts)
yummytummy Fri 19-Jul-13 22:36:47

Hi wonder if anyone had experience of a refuge.

I am just trying to make my escape plan and cant think clearly as to whats best. Will have two small dcs and dont know if private rental better for them but this area very expensive. Not entitled to housing benefits. FW being arsey about the house as jointly owned and his behaviour is worsening as he is losing his control over me so just need to get out as soon as can plan it safely.

Just want to know if anyone had experience of this or of a refuge or could advise.

Its helping to plan but at the same time am very scared as I know I have to act and am worried what happens in meantime

Also as am sure many know atmosphere living with him atm is horrendous he refuses to talk and am always tense and if he does talk ots usually abuse. He is insane and I am going before he drives me insane

WallaceWindsock Fri 19-Jul-13 22:40:33
kalidanger Fri 19-Jul-13 22:41:30

Sorry, I don't have specific answers but have you spoken to Women's Aid?

You don't have to do this all on your own smile

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 19-Jul-13 22:46:52

Would also suggest you talk to Womens Aid as a first step. They can give you some advice on how to stay safe and what options there are for accommodation, temporary or permanent. You're also going to need legal advice if there is jointly owned property at stake.

yummytummy Fri 19-Jul-13 22:47:09

Thanks for thread wallace.
Yes spoken to wa they are going to appoint me someone next week. They suggested renting as all refuges around here are full.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 19-Jul-13 22:49:47

You may not be entitled to Housing Benefit but have you run what will be your new details through something like the Turn2Us Benefits checker? www.turn2us.org.uk

Nottalotta Fri 19-Jul-13 23:37:17

Hi OP, I am a housing officer at my local council. We have (sadly) fairly limited resources in case of domestic abuse. If you were local to me and came in for advice, we would offer you refuge, but it would not be in the area where you currently live - it could be anywhere in the country, wherever had a suitable space. This is often not a realistic option. Otherwise, if you could find somewhere to stay on a temporary basis, maybe you could apply as homeless otherwise the council would have other housing options available to you? Not sure what the council waiting time is in your area. Or, ask about rent deposit schemes/homeless prevention fund to help you into private rented? Good luck!

Can you afford to rent privately? If so, I would tend towards that, as it gives you much more control. Also refuges are only temporary.

Is there a reason why he can't leave? It's your kids' and your home after all.

Cover your tracks though, and make sure he gets no wind of this. Also, pack an emergency bag (guidelines on WA website) that you can get to at all times. I always had my phone, our passports and £200 in cash.

yummytummy Sat 20-Jul-13 09:45:07

Thanks for advice. It just seems like such a long hard journey ahead and dont really have any rl support. It seems so hard even sorting basics like housing that am getting overwhelmed and its tempting to stay but I know I have to leave. Its just doing it.

yummytummy Sat 20-Jul-13 09:50:44

Queenof yes I could afford to rent but only for 2-3 months or so and just liked idea of other people for support in the refuge.

I have asked him to leave but he refuses to as says he is paying mortgage and why should he waste his money to live elsewhere. I think he has had legal advice and has been told to stay in house as have I but its just unbearable being there so I will have to be the one to go.

Nottalotta Sat 20-Jul-13 12:03:05

Why are you not able to claim housing benefit?

yummytummy Sat 20-Jul-13 14:58:34

Not eligible due to savings and assets

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now