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How much say does he have?

(15 Posts)
SlittySluttySlots Fri 19-Jul-13 20:50:56

I apologise for posting here as not sure if it's a relationship question as such but others may have been in a similar situation? I also hope my name doesn't offend as i am on my phone so can't NC.

So - summer holidays and H who separated from me at the beginning of the year has decided he doesn't approve of the care i have arranged for DD. He is saying some bad things about the person who i have chosen, basically saying she is an alcoholic. I don't want to out myself but she has a position of authority in education, has seen how much i have struggled and has offered to help me out with 6 days of cover over the holidays. I have got the rest covered.

I trust her completely but am wondering how much say H has in where i send her. He could look after her on these days but has said he won't unless i pay him (admittedly less than i would pay her). I feel like telling him to fuck off frankly. He has shown no concern how i am going to cope with the holidays until now and with me needing her help from Monday, it's a bit late in the day to be dicking her around.

However, what if he's right? What if DD is at risk and something happens? It's such a headfuck as i was completely happy with my choice and now, just don't know what to do.

Does he have any say in who looks after our child on a day when he is not looking after her?

LalyRawr Fri 19-Jul-13 20:52:57

Sorry what? He wants you to pay for him t look after his own child?!

The actual fuck?

If you trust her, do it.

If he doesn't want her going there, then he can arrange alternative childcare from his own pocket.

ccsays Fri 19-Jul-13 20:55:28

He won't care for his own child unless you pay him?! Tell him to fuck right off. The fuck off a bit further. If he's not prepared to look after his own child without financial reward then he has no right to tell you who should be looking after her. As long as you trust this woman that's all that matters. If he's that concerned, he can do it himself. What a cock!

TruJay Fri 19-Jul-13 21:02:37

What? He wants paying?! What a douche! Was he actually listening to himself when he made that comment?! U should have just laughed in his face...moron!

If u feel comfortable with this person caring for ur child, which u must do as u have already arranged it, then go ahead with ur plans. I mean is there any concrete evidence of alcoholism? Some people do just make up some stupid stuff!

SlittySluttySlots Fri 19-Jul-13 21:06:40

I did point out more than once that i wouldn't pay him to look after his own children.

I'm just worried now... what if he's right? The place is.obviously OFSTED rated so.presume they conduct checks etc?

jayho Fri 19-Jul-13 21:07:30

Is your proposed carer ofsted registered? If so, end of. If your childcare arrangements are within your defined contact time, he has no say. hth going through same thing. x

OldLadyKnowsNothing Fri 19-Jul-13 21:10:48

Assuming you know this person fairly well, have you ever seen signs that she may be a daytime drinker? Her evening habits are none of anyone else's concern as long as they don't impinge upon the following day.

Chubfuddler Fri 19-Jul-13 21:11:09

Tell him to take it to court. It needn't cost you anything, you can self represent. Watch the judge fall about laughing when he reveals he's prepared to look after his own child if you pay him.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Fri 19-Jul-13 21:13:09

Ifhe were right, and he had an actual, genuine concern, surely he should be freely offering his help? But he refuses, unless you pay him to look after his own daughter. That shows how real his worries are.

SlittySluttySlots Fri 19-Jul-13 21:24:24

I have only ever met her in the school setting but i have never seen any cause for concern!

She is not registered as a childminder but due to her job, wasn't concerned as have seen her in action and she's great with the children. And is in authority, not just an assistant.

As mentioned, i was chuffed as DD happy, she's local and cheap and i do trust her.

H wouldn't tell me why he thinks she's an alcoholic, just that he knows things about her!

So the consensus is that if I'm happy, he needs to either step up for no monetary reward or find a replacement out of his own pocket (never going to.happen!!) He can't stop me?

No, he is wrong. If childcare is ofsted registered and you know lady, no problem. What a dick. i don't like writing that, but it's the only thing that adequately covers how he comes across. Paying him to look after his own daughter? Really?
Sorry that he is being such an arse, it's awful when someone goes out of their way to plant distrust and doubt in you.

Hegsy Fri 19-Jul-13 21:29:19

Yup. Your days his tough shit. If he's nit happy let him babysit but hell would freeze over before I'd pay him.

Lazyjaney Fri 19-Jul-13 21:51:49

I suspect him slagging her off, and wanting you to pay him, are connected.

SlittySluttySlots Fri 19-Jul-13 21:53:24

LazyJaney - thought had crossed my mind!

babyhammock Fri 19-Jul-13 22:44:35

Well if you had any doubts about whether separating was the right thing then I hope they are well and truly quashed!
He sounds an utter knob. Don't worry about your choice of carer and just get on with ignoring his twattery x

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