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Dating - The Thread. Come and Share Care and Cheer!

(1000 Posts)

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. They should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop

OhWesternWind Thu 18-Jul-13 22:38:11

Just got back from dinner with Alpha which all went exactly as predicted. Lovely meal/chat/snog/evening generally but nothing more. No chance to raise the subject with him as not very private at all in the restaurant.

Cursing myself for a vomit-returning dog as I somehow appear to have texted LM. Arse.

Movingforward123 Thu 18-Jul-13 22:40:32

Djang - this book is a must read for you, I really recommend it. Not saying I'm cured by any means, but I am starting to understand all of the mr unavailables more, and much more importantly myself too. Also if your anything like me you will find ur mr nice "too nice" and do something to ruin it. Hopefully your not like me in that way.

Movingforward123 Thu 18-Jul-13 22:43:35

Tasha11 - was he very full on to begin with? And now he's gone cold, that happens a lot unfortunately! Sorry to keep going on about this book grin but maybe he is a mr unavailable?

They go hot and cold, he is now going cold because he needs to manage your expectations, because god forbid you might want some form of commitment!!

porridgecarver Thu 18-Jul-13 22:48:09

So is there a way to predict whether they will go cold Moving, I have a 4th date tomorrow, dinner/Dinner a definite possibility

Winefiend Thu 18-Jul-13 22:49:23

Oh christ oww what have you texted him?

OhWesternWind Thu 18-Jul-13 22:54:14

Nothing too awful, just said I think about him too sometimes and asked how he is. No kisses, no miss you etc but probably not a good idea. Fed up with myself.

ALittleStranger Thu 18-Jul-13 22:56:22

OWW I'm getting frustrated on your behalf now! Was the conversation sexually charged at all? I do think you're going to have to do some boldish move to move this forward.

bigstrongmama Thu 18-Jul-13 22:56:29

Moving - that book sounds fascinating... think I will get a copy, though 'unavailable' sounds like me at the mo!

Tasha - showing his true colours? Whether it is intentional or not, it's rude and mean of him, and not your fault.

ALittleStranger Thu 18-Jul-13 22:58:57

Bant I meant to ask earlier what Frenchy meant by chemistry? I think to claim never to have found chemistry with anyone is odd, and makes me wonder if she's looking for something that doesn't actually exist?

I hope you've settled on the appropriate emotional response to the divorce btw. Tits out etc.

BloomingRose Thu 18-Jul-13 23:01:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhWesternWind Thu 18-Jul-13 23:02:04

Stranger the conversation was mildly flirtatious, he was saying how much he enjoys going out with me, but sexually-charged? Nah. Do NOT know what to do. I can't make a move in a posh restaurant or parked up in front of my house with my dd curtain twitching! This is very odd and I'm stuck.

BillMasen Thu 18-Jul-13 23:03:14

fuzzy being badly behaved is not always a bad thing.

django not said anything yet, and still undecided as to whether I'm tempted in a "scoring points" way or not. If that the reason, then I shouldn't say anything. I'm not a game player.

OhWesternWind Thu 18-Jul-13 23:04:35

Right - he's just texted to say he's home and he's had a very lovely evening in my company. Help, quick - need to text something back to say yes, but it would have been even better if we'd had a shag but worded a little differently grin

ALittleStranger Thu 18-Jul-13 23:05:09

OWW I am coming around to the idea that a Buffy style direct approach may be in order. It will be undetectable to fellow diners but he'll know exactly what the options are and the onus is firmly on him to make the physical move.

BloomingRose Thu 18-Jul-13 23:06:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ALittleStranger Thu 18-Jul-13 23:07:01

x-post. Is there a reason you can't host dinner/Dinner at yours? If not I would say yes lovely evening, I'd love to treat you next time, how about dinner at mine?

Or something about how the evening always seems to end early?

BloomingRose Thu 18-Jul-13 23:07:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BloomingRose Thu 18-Jul-13 23:07:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Thu 18-Jul-13 23:09:59

Well, I think I have soundly fucked everything up with Mr Lovely. Though, with the arsiness displayed this evening I'm not sure whether he is lovely or not... Perhaps you could all give me some feedback but be prepared - it's long and very he said she said!

On Monday I asked if we could see each other Fri night, that I had no plans other than leaving early Sun am. He asked what was wrong with Sat as he was busy Fri and suggested Thurs and Sat. He said something that night about not seeing me and I said I had been wanting to on Fri but he's busy. I reassured him that life becomes a bit less frantic in September as I'm aware that I've not been able to see much of him. After a bit of argy bargy I said that I had anticipated him coming round here on Friday and then staying here til I left on Sunday. No firm commitment either way.

On Tuesday I said that I would buy dinner this w/e - he insists on paying an awful lot so I wanted to make a stand. He said ok. When I asked what his plans were he was noncommittal again. When I asked which night he wanted to go out he didn't say. I tried to press later on whether we'd see each other Friday night or not and he didn't commit - again.

On Thursday he asked if one of my dcs would be there on Fri. I said no, so company would be good - nudge nudge... Nothing.

This morning I told him where I was hoping to eat tomorrow night. Then later he said that he was tired, that eating out might be better Saturday rather than Friday. So I said that was ok, that I could make arrangements to see a friend on Friday if he was tired and we could spend all day Saturday together and he could stay on Sat night. Half an hour later I checked to see what he thought and he said he was thinking why bother? So I explained that I thought he'd meant he didn't want to see me on Friday, but perhaps I'd got the wrong end of the stick - I could see this friend another time easily. So he quoted what I'd said on Monday about seeing him all w/e and then asked 'or was that until a better offer came along?'

Aaargh. I said I didn't know if that was what he'd wanted as he's always so non-committal, that I've not had a better offer, that I wanted to spend time with him but that he always seems to leave arrangements hanging and then I can't read him.

I really like him but I'm wondering if this tendency to leave things hanging was attractive because it is the complete antithesis of ex who had everything nailed down years ahead of time? I can't do that though. I don't mind being spontaneous - but I have a family, I have to plan things. I don't mean that every detail has to be planned but I at least have to know when I might be seeing someone.

I sent that last message at half 8 - no response. He could well be asleep as he's knackered through early mornings at the moment but he'd sent his snipey comment about better offers less than 10 mins previously.

He's being an arse isn't he? In which case I'm done. I do not have the time or energy or desire to play games. He was so promising in many ways though sad

Djangounhinged Thu 18-Jul-13 23:11:14

Hmmm Moving you're so right, I can feel myself going into sabotage mode.... I'm definitely going to get the book! Have just realised that I'd be a fool to not give nice man a chance not at all swayed by the fact that he's just told me he drives a fast car, I'm not shallow just in case one of my Unavailables pops up again.

Tasha, I don't think Dinner should be on the menu if he's already blowing hot and cold, it'll only get worse afterwards... And he's already got you feeling low, that's not right and you deserve better than that.

48howdidthathappen Thu 18-Jul-13 23:12:04

Oh bloody hell Oww still nowt doing shock

So you texted LM. Its no biggie. You wouldn't go there again would you?

BillMasen Thu 18-Jul-13 23:12:54

oww I've kind of stuck up for him so far as I know what it's like when everyone thinks you're this super confident type, and actually you're just really worried about being pushy or making unwanted advances. To the extent that you need a flashing neon sign saying its not unwelcome.

Have you been clear? I mean clear enough that even this type of bloke would know? If so, then he's odd or something's not right. If you haven't, then I can see why he's being the way he is. Alpha male on the outside doesn't always mean confident on the inside.

OhWesternWind Thu 18-Jul-13 23:15:15

Can't have him round here Stranger as I have my dcs here full time, otherwise that would be a great plan.

I just haven't the self confidence to make a very overt move here sad.

Rose he's literally spent hundreds of pounds taking me out to fancy restaurants over the last few weeks. He's also spending a lot of time texting and messaging. Not that I'm not fab, but that's an awfully big investment to make just for a bit of chat and a quick snog. I really don't get it.

BloomingRose Thu 18-Jul-13 23:16:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Thu 18-Jul-13 23:21:18

Yep, that's what my instinct is telling me. Aw fuck sad He seemed so nice but he's just not behaved nicely has he?

Oh well. I'll get over it. It was a short-term flirtation. I can deal with that. I proved a lot to myself with this flirtation anyway, so it's not a waste of time!

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