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SAHMs (preferably new mums) How much does your partner do?

(35 Posts)
newmumsuchfun Thu 18-Jul-13 11:55:37

If you are a SAHM and your partner/husband works. How much do they do when it comes to your child / the household?

JeffTracy Thu 18-Jul-13 14:20:37

That seems fine OP, although I wouldn't do the cat litter tray...

Squitten Thu 18-Jul-13 14:29:51

It doesn't sound normal to me OP.

My DH runs his own business so works very long hours and we don't see much of him during the week. I'm a SAHM so do all the cooking, cleaning, stuff with the kids Mon-Fri. Weekends are a very different story. He WANTS to see his children and take them to the park, swimming or whatever. When our kids were little babies he would take them to the library rhyme group or whatever. He also cooks, sorts out the garden (I don't do insects!), does bits of DIY, etc.

We will both schedule in social stuff as we want to and his needs most certainly don't outrank mine just because he works!

ILoveDolly Thu 18-Jul-13 14:38:04

We had endless arguments over this, as with 3 kids I felt like I never stopped, never got the bottom of the laundry, completely unrewarded for giving up myself yada yadda yadda. I then decided to change the record. My dp never wasgreat at housework etc, and he works very long hours, so I have had to take it all on anyway or the kids would go unfed! I was fortunate enough to find a reasonably priced cleaner who comes and does the floor washing, bathrooms ie the jobs I never got around to and I spend any spare evening I can running a tiny business as a neccessary outlet for my previously frustrated creative drive. House is not more tidy, he still never has an ironed shirt, I still do most of the cooking, tidying up, decorating, childcare, baby feeding, night waking. But I am not murderous. If you want more support, if you want more help, if you need it you HAVE to try and alter the situation, sometimes a small change is enough.

AnotherStitchInTime Thu 18-Jul-13 14:44:00

Less than normal at the moment as he has been working 6 day weeks plus overtime in a physical job outside in this heat all day.

Still taking bins out (although I ask him), cooking one day on weekends, getting up with kids one of the weekend mornings to give me a lie in, clean kitchen and wash up one weekend day, cleans out guinea pigs, doing bath time (sometimes without me), sometimes does story time, sometimes puts younger one to sleep if she is acting up.

I do all the rest of the cleaning, cooking, nights, shopping, bill payment management, feeding guinea pigs.

PeriodMath Thu 18-Jul-13 15:00:59

My advice would be to get a cleaner if you can possibly afford it. Mine costs me £30 a week. She's a godsend. I realise not everyone has cash to spare but if you can find it, it's the best use for it.

As someone else said, and as someone whose DH works long hours, I'd far rather he spent his weekends on childcare than housework.

PeriodMath Thu 18-Jul-13 15:07:06

Cleaning aside, your DH is absolutely not pulling his weight. If he tells you weekends are his time off from his job, ask him when your time off from your job is.

And he works 9-5?? Easy street. Mine often gets home at 9/10pm but still gets up with DS in the morning.

Was having a child a mutual decision? So sad the way so many think giving up paid work to raise children suddenly means you are 24hr nanny, cook, cleaner and general dogsbody. Men and women sadly!

Ragwort Thu 18-Jul-13 15:30:01

Was having a child a mutual decision? - probably a subject for another discussion but I often wonder, when reading some of the threads on Mumsnet, if some of these fathers really, really wanted children? I was in the position where it was very much my DH's wish to have a child, I was very happy to remain 'child-free' and my DH is a real 'hand's on' sort of Dad. But I do wonder if sometimes men go along with the whole 'having children' thing without really thinking it all through (and no doubt some women do too).

LaRosaBella Thu 18-Jul-13 20:01:23

My DD is 4 months old and my DP splits house work, actually he probably does a bit more than me and puts her to bed and takes her in the morning ( dd wakes very early) before he starts work, so I can get a couple of hours of proper sleep. I think your situation sounds really unfair, why are the weekends his time off, what about yours? Being a SAHM is full time work so when he gets home, everything should be split.

newmumsuchfun Thu 25-Jul-13 14:52:14

Thanks everyone - It all actually blew up last wkend which forced me to really say my piece. I think he understood my point - that in the week it is my job but at the weekend he is our job. Things have been a lot better as I just don't think he realised how i felt. We seem to be much more of a family since. I think I just needed to communicate better. so thank you all thanks

Ragwort Thu 25-Jul-13 18:31:01

Thanks for updating, well done for communicating - hope it all works out smile.

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