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Victim of domestic violence asked to leave holiday park!

(243 Posts)

Ill try and keep this as concise as possible.

I'm on holiday in Wales staying in a caravan. Last night about 11pm an argument started between a couple in the caravan nearby. I say argument but it was mostly a man shouting.

It quickly escalated and the women was screaming, she sounded terrified, and there were children screaming "mummy" too.

At this point I phone the police. Very quickly the security guards from the site turned up. The woman was sobbing , said she was ok and the security guards quickly left.

As soon as they'd gone the man left the caravan. Moments later the police turned up. They spent some time searching the site but eventually the man was found and arrested.

This morning the women was sat outside the caravan and I went over to check she was ok. She has a broken nose! sad the caravan was a bit messed up too. Several internal doors were off their hinges.

We talked for a while and she told me she'd been asked to leave the holiday park!! I Wa stunned at this but she said she was going to leave anyway as her and the dc didn't want to be there after everything that had happened the night before.

I couldn't stop thinking about her being told to leave and later that day I went to speak to the general manager of the site.

He confirmed that yes she had been asked to leaved because they had a zero tolerance policy on violent behaviour.

I pointed out to him that it was the man who had been violent, he'd assaulted the women, she is basically being punished for being the victim of a crime and by asking her to leave they were implying that she was in some way to blame for the mans behaviour.

We talked about it for quite a while and I tried several different ways to get my point across. To be fair he did really listen to me and tried to understand but basically he didn't get it.

He also trotted out the usually ill informed stereo types "women like that never want to press charges" etc.

I'm so angry. In one way does it really matter because she wanted to go home anyway?

But on the other hand if we don't challenge such ignorant attitudes towards domestic violence then nothing is ever going to change. I feel like I want to do something to make the holiday park realise how wrong their attitude is.

Sorry if this is a bit jumbled. Trying to keep it as short as possible.

Wereonourway Wed 17-Jul-13 19:11:33

"Colluding with her partner" !!??

Yip, the one who broke her nose who she was shit scared of. I'd "collude" too id imagine, if he were standing right by me. I'd probably collude further if I was terrified of what he'd do if I didn't

Well done op for getting help. I hope the lady and her children are safe now and she makes steps to get away from him permanently

flippinada Wed 17-Jul-13 19:12:56

"It is a holiday park. Not a charity."

Yes, but a bit of human decency and kindness to someone who has been through a distressing ordeal wouldn't go amiss.

For years I stayed with a man who beat me and sometimes rapped me too.

I stayed because he told me if I left he would kill my dc. He said no matter how long he went to prison for or however far I ran, he would find me and he would kill my kids. I believed him. I stayed to protect my children. Thankfully in the end I got out but it took me a long time to get to that point.

McBalls Wed 17-Jul-13 19:14:15

Poor children, these are the memories their childhoods will be made of.

I feel sorry for the children.

At lest they should not be made to stay in the caravan they witnessed their dad smash up, looking at doors hanging off the hinges.

She didn't ruin anyone's holiday HE did! Why should she be punished for his behaviour?

And yes the two examples are comparable. If somebody assaults you it doesn't matter if it was a random stranger or you partner, it is exactly the same, it's still assault.

Being in a relationship with somebody does not make it more acceptable for them to hit you.

RoooneyMara Wed 17-Jul-13 19:18:57

Perhaps they were afraid that the man would return, looking for her, and cause more damage. <trying to understand policy>

Wereonourway Wed 17-Jul-13 19:19:55

clementine your words have a lump in my throat, how bloody awful for you, I can't imagine how horrific that was to live through.

Id like to think this woman also feels terrible for what her children saw(and have possibly seen before) but the colluding comment has rubbed me up the wrong way to be honest.

Hopefully the woman will get help and find the strength to leave at some point, for her childrens sake and for hers

flippinada Wed 17-Jul-13 19:20:32

Clementine you were brave and did the right thing, the morally decent thing. Too many people would turn a blind eye.

I'm not sure why you're getting ticked off.

Even if that was the case she should not have been made to leave. Plus, he was arrested and returned to jail as he was on probation according to site manager.

flippinada Wed 17-Jul-13 19:22:51

Sorry...I mean, I'm not sure why other posters are ticking you off. I realise that wasn't clear.

So sorry to read you have been through that yourself. Well done to you for getting away.

Thankyou flippinda

K8Middleton Wed 17-Jul-13 19:27:17

I think the park would have been well within their rights to say she is welcome to say but the violent man is banned. That is reasonable.

Asking the woman to leave because she has been assaulted by her partner is just awful. As well as victim blaming it reduces her to nothing more than an extension of him; a chattel.

She is an individual and should be treated as such. What the park have done to her is inhumane.

"Being in a relationship with somebody does not make it more acceptable for them to hit you."

No it does not. I dont think it is acceptable for anybody to hit somebody else.

But by staying in a relationship where you are hit, you are accepting it.

LurcioLovesFrankie Wed 17-Jul-13 19:29:37

Well done Clementine, for standing up for her. And very sorry to hear what you went through in the past.

RoooneyMara Wed 17-Jul-13 19:29:51

Yes. Sorry I'm on your side, I think it's dreadful but am trying to think how the chap could possibly have justified it.

I am so glad you were there for her.

K8middleton, thats exactly it. You explain it so much better than me.

Good for you Clementine. I guess it is hard for some people to 'get' what it is like to live in fear of someone and yet be judged by all and sundry as if you're as bad as they are.

I admire you for doing the right thing, I like to think I would do the same. (I had a partner like this too, years ago. He threatened to kill everyone in my family if I left, and I totally believed him.)

K8Middleton Wed 17-Jul-13 19:32:21

Some of the attitudes on this thread belong to another century. Maybe one where a husband "couldn't" rape his wife sad

Oh, and just having one person actually talk to her who understood may have made all the difference to her. (So many folk would just ignore her.) Just hope she finds a way to get away from the prick.

flippinada Wed 17-Jul-13 19:33:31

It seems to me that the decent thing to do would have been to give them another caravan and let her and the kids have a few days peace and quiet away from the abusive shitbag.

And yes, before anyone points it out, I know they are not obliged to do so.

VestandKnickers Wed 17-Jul-13 19:34:49

I think it was very kind of you to stick up for this woman, but it is reasonable for the manager of the caravan park to ask her to leave if he considers that her staying there is likely to distress other holiday makers. He is running a business after all. Hopefully she has sonewhere to go where she can be supported.

I do hope I helped her. She was amazing this morning. She had all the kids sorted, dressed etc. but she had a look of pure terror in her eyes. You could see the fear. Why doesn't our society do more to help? It breaks my heart tbh. sad

flippinada Wed 17-Jul-13 19:37:27

I know k8. Horrible, isn't it?

gamerchick Wed 17-Jul-13 19:38:49

Oh FFS.. nobody is ticking anybody off.

Remove the emotion from the facts.. the site now has to repair damage to a caravan due to a guests behaviour. That is a fact.. it has to come out of their own pocket. They don't have to make allowances when it'll clearly state that damage to any part of the site will mean ejection.

Yes it's appalling what happened to the lady and horrible for her kids and no it it is not her fault but the facts still remain from the holiday parks policy.

It's not their fault that this man kicked off and smashed up his rented caravan and smashed in his partners nose.. they should not have to make allowances. What is going on in this womans life is not their problem.

It's sad but it's the way it is.

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