My STBXH, who has been emotionally abusive, just to give the history, is not yet accepting that our marriage is ending. He seems to be talking at length about it to anyone who'll listen (fair enough), and today he forwarded me an email conversation with a friend (with her permission).
He seems to have our marital problems reduced to "I'm an extrovert; she's an introvert." Which actually is how I summarised it in my head about eighteen months ago (before I learnt about EA on MN).
These are some of the things he's saying about what it's like to be an extrovert and I'd like to know if other extroverts agree:
- Extroverts are not private people; they share personal things about themselves easily with others.
- About being criticised: For us extroverts it?s not that we?re brushing it off, we just don?t know how to internalise things because we live our lives externally. We hear a comment like that and deflect it, we keep it outside, we justify ourselves and move on, because we don?t really know how to keep quiet, absorb it, ponder it, consider it, and process it, and then change our behaviour and attitudes as a result.
- If you want an extrovert to hear something difficult about themselves, you will need to say it many many times before it gets through layers of defences and the extrovert takes it seriously.
- Extroverts don't really know how to think when they're by themselves: they need someone to bounce ideas off.
- Extroverts don't see patterns of behaviour: each hurtful remark (for example) is a one-off for them.
- Extroverts don't notice non-verbal communication; they need verbal explanations of feelings in order to understand other people.
- Extroverts often say things without stopping to think about how it will be taken by the person they're talking to.
- Extroverts express things strongly that are really quite inconsequential to them, because they seem important at that brief moment of talking about them, but much less so when the moment's passed.
Wow, I wasn't expecting that list to be so long when I started. Hope you can help me sort out the fact from the self-justification fiction here!