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If you were to pass on just one piece of relationship advice to your DC....

(132 Posts)
CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 15-Jul-13 15:58:31

... distilled from your own experience, observation, or what you've read on MN and elsewhere, What would it be?

On balance, I think mine would be 'be yourself' in the sense of ... be very wary of getting together with anyone for whom you feel you have to change personality or who openly wants you to behave differently in order for them to love you. If they don't love you for yourself, move swiftly along.

Januarymadness Mon 22-Jul-13 09:41:40

First time i have ever recounted an mn thread to my husband. After i explained that op still wasnt invited even if she helped he said "well that woman (bride) is batshit crazy then. And a selfish arse"

MyDaydream Sun 21-Jul-13 22:41:04

Life's too short to be with someone you don't like just because you think it's easier than leaving.

Wuldric Sun 21-Jul-13 22:40:55

The person who loves you for yourself will set you free to be yourself

The person who loves you for himself will set down rules and conditions and be angry if you cannot fulfill his idealised dream

Be true to yourself, keep being independent (financially and emotionally) keep laughing. If someone takes the laughs away, they should not be with you

Oh and avoid four things:

1. Men who sulk
2. Men who take pleasure but do not reciprocate
3. Men who try to take control
4. Men who want you to control them.

scottishmummy Sun 21-Jul-13 22:37:05

Get a career don't be financially dependent upon anyone

Pilgit Sun 21-Jul-13 22:33:55

Always sweat the small stuff. They may only be pants on the floor now, in 5 years they will be a symbol of all the crap in your marriage. Kind of similar to look after t h e pennies and the pounds look after theselves.

akaWisey Sun 21-Jul-13 20:32:51

People pay for what they do, and still more, for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it simply: by the lives they lead.

calmingtea Sun 21-Jul-13 19:38:30

Desert island discs style - my absolute favourite is: Love is not falling in love before you have any real information about who that person is and what they can contribute to your life. (The reason is that by definition is includes all the others, self-esteem, boundaries, knowing who you are and having a good relationship with yourself, and wanting a healthy non enmeshed relationship).

Twinklestein Sun 21-Jul-13 19:35:14

Do not do in the first year of marriage/relationship anything you would not want to be doing for the rest of your life. So don't go OTT on cordon bleu & S&M. And get a cleaner.

CailinDana Sun 21-Jul-13 17:52:30

Respect is the cornerstone of a relationship. Once respect is gone, the relationship is over.

Januarymadness - I know! Not all men are after your money.

Kaluki Sun 21-Jul-13 00:11:32

I wish I'd had mumsnet in my 20s
It took me till I was 40 to figure these out!

Kaluki Sat 20-Jul-13 23:49:15

If you he to fight for someone they aren't worth fighting for.
And
Never settle for second best!

BOF Sat 20-Jul-13 23:45:01

Only marry the best person you have ever met. They need to be great company, make you laugh, be kind, share your values, and be a generous lover. Basically, the person you'd most like to be stuck in a lift with.

Januarymadness Sat 20-Jul-13 23:34:50

No... really no...not all of them are...

Men are only after one thing....

steppemum Sat 20-Jul-13 23:07:53

I second the kindness ones

Be kind to each other.

BlackeyedSusan Sat 20-Jul-13 22:51:53

poledra, yep that too. things have never been quite right since the 91st percentile heads and one set of forceps... <wince>

BlackeyedSusan Sat 20-Jul-13 22:49:15

if he hurts, frightens or threatens you, leave IMMEDIATELY.

nooka Sat 20-Jul-13 20:11:14

Mine assumes that the relationships that my children have are generally good ones so:

Talk about stuff!. Don't assume he/she is a mind reader

fishybits Sat 20-Jul-13 20:05:51

I'd pass on the only piece of relationship advice my mother gave me.

"Make sure he or she is kind"

KingscoteStaff Sat 20-Jul-13 19:59:28

Look at how he behaves towards people who are lower status than him.

cheerfulweather Sat 20-Jul-13 18:32:53

Oh yes, how could I forget. And never, never become completely and utterly financially dependent on somebody else. Very important.

cheerfulweather Sat 20-Jul-13 18:31:22

Don't rush into anything. Don't even think about marriage or children until at least 30!

smile

bumblebeaver Sat 20-Jul-13 18:30:03

It's ok to be single. I had more single years than relationshipped ones - and I think that drove me to make mistakes, because I was so keen to meet someone. Sit back, sift through the men you meet, chuck away the duff ones and wait for a good one. No rush.

Lazyjaney Sat 20-Jul-13 12:03:06

Treat others as you want them to treat you, but if it is not reciprocated get the hell out.

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