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If you were to pass on just one piece of relationship advice to your DC....

(132 Posts)
CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 15-Jul-13 15:58:31

... distilled from your own experience, observation, or what you've read on MN and elsewhere, What would it be?

On balance, I think mine would be 'be yourself' in the sense of ... be very wary of getting together with anyone for whom you feel you have to change personality or who openly wants you to behave differently in order for them to love you. If they don't love you for yourself, move swiftly along.

Lancelottie Mon 15-Jul-13 18:12:23

One I've already had to ofer up to DS at 14:

It's only a relationship if both people want it.

Ipp3 Mon 15-Jul-13 18:12:27

Marry someone who is your favourite person to be with. Knowing that you just really like being with the other person will get you through sticky spots.

Lancelottie Mon 15-Jul-13 18:12:43

ofer = offer

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 15-Jul-13 18:16:45

I particularly like yours OTheHugeManatee. It's a crap relationship..... you are not 'expecting too much' or 'not trying hard enough', you do not have 'trust issues' and you probably wouldn't need half as much medication if you were out of this crap relationship.

bleedingheart Mon 15-Jul-13 18:23:57

A relationship often involves compromise but love isn't hard.
Don't mistake dependency for soulmates.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 15-Jul-13 18:25:07

Another one I read somewhere.... 'never mistake the absence or cessation of unkindness for love'

redrubyshoes Mon 15-Jul-13 18:26:40

If you are lucky enough to earn a good salary make sure you run your life to be able to live on a third of it if shit hits the fan.

If you cannot afford a sofa sit on boxes until you have saved up for one. If friends come round and sit on the boxes and come back - they are friends. If they sneer they are not.

Never get into debt to gain approval of people who do not matter.

Learn to cook from scratch, buy your dc's a cook book and teach them from the earliest age how to make simple dishes. It will save them a fortune in the future.

NumTumDeDum Mon 15-Jul-13 19:27:00

Trust is easily broken and difficult if not impossible to fix. Don't break someone's trust in you. You will never wash the bad taste out of your mouth. Be the person who keeps their promises.

ALittleStranger Mon 15-Jul-13 19:38:06

Enjoy being single. It is an excellent time to forge friendships that will probably outlast many a lover and find out who you are.

Failure is fine. I do not want you to marry the first man who kisses you and a series of relationships help make you a better partner and work out what you want.

Learn to recognise the sale by date on a relationship and get out in time.

But be kind to people. 'Because you can' is not a reason to do something, 'because you should' is.

The majority of people do not lie, cheat, hit etc. Allow yourself to trust and fall in love on this basis, but be as intolerant as hell because of it too.

34DD Mon 15-Jul-13 20:01:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

34DD Mon 15-Jul-13 20:04:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sarahseashell Mon 15-Jul-13 20:29:08

it's a relationship, not an ownership

Sondosia Mon 15-Jul-13 20:48:11

A great piece of advice which my own mum passed on to me: "Experience living with someone before you make a commitment to them (marriage/kids/mortgage/etc)"

bestsonever Mon 15-Jul-13 21:04:35

Respect and love and value yourself first, don't look to others for validation, relationships should enhance what you already have.

CityGal29 Mon 15-Jul-13 21:09:18

Marry the best looking, best in bed & best potential dad you can find with a good job who can compromise and is kind. That's 100% happiness if you want to work too (or if you don't ) wink

Be brave enough to fall in love. I never thought i would, or at least never thought if i did it would be like this. It is by far and away the best thing that has ever happened to me. And i say this after 14 years together. I so nearly walked because i was scared about how i felt. Very glad i didn't.

MumOfTheMoos Mon 15-Jul-13 21:58:49

Love really shouldn't be hard, complicated or impossible because of someone's issues from childhood etc, etc. people who love you are kind to you and generally want to be with you and spend time with you, more than anybody else. The baggage may still be there, they just don't let it get in the way of being with you. Excuses tend to mean that they're just not that into you.

Lweji Mon 15-Jul-13 22:10:31

Love the other person as much as you love yourself, and vice versa.

and Always have a FYF (Fuck You Fund)

Januarymadness Mon 15-Jul-13 22:12:35

Allways know you COULD survive without them.

redrubyshoes Mon 15-Jul-13 22:13:00

Never get a pet unless you are prepared to look after it 100%.

<Looking at you my neighbour who views them as disposable toys for your kids>

MarianneM Mon 15-Jul-13 22:15:09

Find a lovely man like Daddy and you will be happy. Don't waste any time or attention on arseholes.

MarianneM Mon 15-Jul-13 22:16:30

And completely agree with this sarahseashell

"it's a relationship, not an ownership"

williaminajetfighter Mon 15-Jul-13 22:23:30

The best relationships are those that started off as friendships and will always have friendship - not lust, a desire to marry or procreation - as their basis...

Don't judge a book by its cover. Some very nasty pieces of work come in a very attractive package and tick all the right boxes - don't get fooled. Watch how they behave and take some time to check them out. Keep your feet on the ground - difficult to do in the beginning of a relationship I know but could save you a lot of heartache.

That sounds like more than one but it's all stems from critically evaluating who the person really is and not what you want them to be.

WafflyVersatile Tue 16-Jul-13 02:11:00

Don't throw good money after bad.

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