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Is this financial abuse or am i reading it wrong.

(44 Posts)
Darkesteyes Sat 13-Jul-13 00:38:15

I know it seems like neither of them are badly off but shes contributing by staying home to look after children so that he can/could push forward in his career but something about it still says financial abuse to me.
What do other MNers think?

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2013/jul/12/money-biggest-taboo-relationship

Mintyy Mon 15-Jul-13 11:43:18

He is The Guardian's very own Katie Hopkins, although I suspect more clueless.

Quangle Sun 14-Jul-13 20:48:30

His column amazes me for the reason snazzy says. I look forward to my column about what it's like to be the only woman in my work environment. Being outnumbered is my everyday experience and then when there is,by chance, more than just one woman in a meeting my male colleagues say "oooh a coven" and we laugh gamely whereas Toss Pott gets his own newspaper column about it.

He's dreadful and has form for this kind of obtuseness.

Smudging Sun 14-Jul-13 17:22:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chamonixlover Sun 14-Jul-13 16:56:56

Re that article on getting children up and out for school, well if that's what it's like every day, I'd hate to live through that, either as a parent or a child. Doing packed lunches at breakfast time? Crikey our kids do their own (same age) and they do them to evening before, put their own clothes out the evening before, set the alarm clock to make sure I get up in time for getting them up :-) Breakfast stuff is set out, as much as possible the night before. No arguing over what to eat, I'd be mortified if any child said they hated me, really why would you start the day with so much stress and bad feelings? Definitely he should never be a SHAP! In any case, that article was absolute drivel and I'd be embarrassed for that to be published under my name.

Darkesteyes Sun 14-Jul-13 16:46:54

His face is really familiar. Im sure i saw him in a magazine a few months ago moaning about a one night stand he had.
And how the woman was "distinctly average"
With all these other revelations too he is sounding like a VERY emotionally abusive "man"

CinnamonAddict Sun 14-Jul-13 15:09:39

OMG is he serious?

His daughter telling him he hates him every day?
He assuming all other parents have such a relationship with their children?

I hope it a farce.

And yes, he sounds like a man I would never ever be married to.
Invite him on MN.

And working for the Guardian, that's even more shocking.

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Sun 14-Jul-13 14:47:11

shock At that link.

Sneer at allergies? Sneer at children? Imply wife is unstable and he does it all?

This guy sounds abusive all round, not 'just' fiscally. sad angry

And he's paid to mock his family, be spiteful about them and spout how hard his life is... Making money off smugly saying how shit his family is. (And apparently everyone else, after all allergies don't exist in his world. How dare those allergic kids make life harder for his wee begotten self as he whines about his children FFS!!!)

angry

Does anyone have a link to the other thread? I'm rubbish at searching on here.

tobiasfunke Sun 14-Jul-13 14:38:42

What is amazing is that he earns actual money for writing this drivel www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2013/feb/09/taking-kids-to-school

garlicsmutty Sun 14-Jul-13 13:57:15

that's why he thinks it's taboo and an issue

Well said. Yes, let's get him on here and show him it's not taboo smile

wow what an arsehole
feel so sorry for his wife

he might bot have a wife for much longer with that attitude towards her

I hope she divorces the swine!

also that swhy he things its a taboo and an issue
because what he is doing is horrible

most people that share everything, like me and dh don't argue about money and its not an issue

even when I earnt more than dh we still shared everything
I wouldn't not have wanted him to have less than me

I couldn't live with a, well I wont call him a man because hes not, but I could never live with someone like that
yuk

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Sun 14-Jul-13 13:23:36

Yup to MN chat! Would loove to ask him what 'job' he thinks SAHP of SN kids do... angry

Link to other thread anyone?

Another vote for an invite for a MN chat.

Lweji Sun 14-Jul-13 13:13:21

Sure, invite him in, if he can take it.

He got truly enlightened by the comments in the Guardian itself, if he bothered to read them. Both male and female.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Sun 14-Jul-13 13:07:54

The entire premise of the column has always annoyed me - he is a man in a houseful of women. OMG! Will his balls drop off??! hmm

Wuldric Sun 14-Jul-13 12:59:10

I have had the germ of an idea. I'll post it on the other thread as well.

It's all very well us sitting here fuming at him calling him a cunting arsewipe under our breaths. But that won't help him and more importantly, it won't help his downtrodden wife who is clearly not an equal partner.

He must have the vestiges of decency. After all, his wife has not actually left him. So why don't we invite him onto MN? Not to lambast him but just to talk to him about economic equality and equality in the home. This wouldn't work if we all mouth off at him, but surely we could do a bit of gentle re-education?

What do you think? Should we ask MNHQ to invite him on?

Hookedonclassics Sat 13-Jul-13 16:25:55

Dislike of the man grows.

Hookedonclassics Sat 13-Jul-13 16:25:13

I liked his book "The scent of dried roses" where he wrote of his depression and of his mother's suicide (sad). However, after having read the linked article and a few of his earlier columns, my dislike of the man

His wife has to do the majority of the housework and child-care and she also has a "part-time" lecturing job (I bet she has to do many hours of preparation and marking in her free-time). Yet, because she brings in less money, her contribution to the family is that if a skivvy and her opinions are to be disregarded. His disdain for her is clear to see.

misskatamari Sat 13-Jul-13 15:01:25

Gosh he sounds like such an arse!

Treague Sat 13-Jul-13 13:07:50

He just comes across as someone who wants his own way and a wifey to facilitate that, and presumably is writing this to get his wife to shut the fuck up and stop spoiling his superior self-image.

Who 'has the last word' on a family holiday anyway? What fun it must be to be in that family. sad I dont know about financial abuse, but I do sniff emotional abuse here.

TheCrackFox Sat 13-Jul-13 13:03:42

I hope his wife reads his article and finally realises that she could do so much better in life without being shackled to a sexist tosser. He clearly feels he is superior to his wife - I would find that more upsetting than the money and laziness TBH.

Wuldric Sat 13-Jul-13 13:02:04

How unlikely for the Guardian to be employing this sort of chap as a columnist. Surely he should be writing for the Daily Mail?

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Sat 13-Jul-13 12:56:36

TheCrackFox Sat 13-Jul-13 11:55:51
She should go full time and make him do 50% of the childcare and housework. Never become a SAHM or pt worker if you are married to a sexist, lazy arse (which he clearly is).

^^

Better yet, ship all sexist arses off to an island with an iron and a board. >Unhelpful, but satisfying image<

This guy sounds like he bullies his wife enormously. sad Even his smug starting comment about 'how she NEVER wanted this published... But I won HAHAHA!!!!11!!'

Hope ever single word - Including his attitude to his wife - Bites him in his ugly arse!!!

HandMini Sat 13-Jul-13 12:55:29

Such a dick.

I don't understand how he can dismiss the entire idea of merging finances just by saying "it's archaic". WTF? It's practical, equalising and would stop you stamping your authority over every decision.

The laundry comment made me rage.

This is just a rehash of the shit that Toby Young spewed out in the Telegraph a few months back.

Men don't stay at home and do the house/ family work because its low status, often boring and doesnt have direct financial / kudos rewards. I'd have way more respect for them if they admitted it.

MrsFlorrick Sat 13-Jul-13 12:33:21

Oh dear! I read the linked article. That man is an utter wanker!

His wife works part time so he can work full time and enhance his career. And she looks after the home and has a job but he doesn't feel they should share the expenses of the household proportionally. And keeps lions share of spending money??!!!

And "merging finances" is "old fashioned". shock

I posted on here a couple of months ago as DH and I had issues. We are working on these and have resolved many.

But never ever would DH decided on a family holiday or anything else because he earns the money. In fact he lets me have final call on holidays and large item expenditures.
His view is that I put the research in holidays. And when it came to refurbishing our house and putting new kitchen and two new bathrooms in, I made all the decisions. (Ok I am known to have excellent taste but still).

I cannot believe this man. He actually lords it over his wife and rubs her face in the fact his career is more successful and he earns more.

Treague Sat 13-Jul-13 12:31:07

As soon as he got into the details of why he doesn't do his laundry, I labelled him a MASSIVE ARSEHOLE.
I cannot believe he is so blind as to actually write a paragraph on how he, an educated person with full use of his faculties, 'cannot' do basic laundry. Tim, do you think for one second that anyone believes you? Do you think your wife believes you and tolerates your de facto refusal to learn how to do it? You, sir, are an arse.

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