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Breach if contact order

(96 Posts)
Inamess1 Fri 12-Jul-13 22:55:15

I really need some advice. Hope iv posted in the right bit.

Basically ive had the police around today because my ex husband is saying i breached a contact order. I did but with a valid reason that he was going to transport the children on a 2 hour journey without carseats. When the police arrived i was shaken up and it was 10.00 so kids were in bed asleep. I refused to allow the kids to be woken up and transported 2 hours away, so i guess im going to be in serious trouble. Thepolice officer said i could lose custody of the children or face prison sentence. Is that really fair on a mother who does absolutely everything for her children with no help from father. Obviously im worried and frightened of what might happen. Advice and support needed!

Just to add ex is a very horrible, aggressive person but judge didnt notice it.

Hissy Fri 12-Jul-13 23:04:42

How old are your DC?

Hissy Fri 12-Jul-13 23:06:40

Main thing? Don't panic. You know you had to make that decision, providing they are still small enough to need the car seats.

Inamess1 Sat 13-Jul-13 00:04:07

5 and 7

Inamess1 Sat 13-Jul-13 00:04:36

Obviously very wortied and scared now

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 13-Jul-13 00:10:53

Sorry, I'm going to have to post and run, but I don't understand why the police were involved in a civil matter? Breach of a contact order (esp for very good reasons) is not a criminal offence, and no police officer should be telling you otherwise, let alone threaten you that you could lose the dc or go to jail. (You theoretically could, but it is vanishingly rare for a judge to order anything of the sort unless you have a history of denying contact for trivial reasons.)

I'd be putting in a complaint against the officer who said that, tbh.

Hissy Sat 13-Jul-13 07:21:08

Shall we assume your Ex was manipulative/controlling/abusive?

Ignore him, ignore the police (on this occasion) and tell yourself that you made the right decision for your children.

Get a legal letter to state that you won't be able to allow them to be transported anywhere for an arranged visit, if there are no car seats.

I'd also consider complaining about the policeman. Does your ex have 'mates' in thé police? I find it hard to believe they'd bother with any of this, and i'd be certain that given the facts, they be more than supportive of YOUR stance.

Have you done any counselling/freedom programme? (if applicable)

It'd really help you to feel more in control of your life.

Lweji Sat 13-Jul-13 07:35:41

Next time, ring the police station and ask for advice on whether to allow someone to take two children in a car without car seats.

The best defence is to attack.

Or tell him to call the police that minute and explain to them his reasons.

calmingtea Sat 13-Jul-13 08:39:01

Why were the police called? I would get some legal advice if I were you, and refuse direct contact with your ex assuming the police were there because he was kicking off. I would also consider writing a letter of complaint to the police as they should not have been threatening you in this situation. Ridiculous to think that children should be woken up at 10. By the way, did you not have car seats that your ex could have used?

Ogg Sat 13-Jul-13 20:41:33

Why the hell should she give him car seats ???? Oh yes she is a woman therefore responsible for her aggressive ex like forever.

calmingtea Sun 14-Jul-13 08:03:16

Ogg, I really don't think it's that big a deal and there are more important things than sharing car seats. Of course I can in no way comment on OPs circumstances which is why I asked her (note didn't berate, just asked the question, for all I know she doesn't drive or just didn't want to- all perfectly valid). I wouldn't send my DC to my XH with no clothes or toothbrushes either. It has more to do with aggressive ex being utterly useless and trying to do the best for the children, like we all do, sometimes in stressful circumstances, and nothing to do with being a woman confused.

Inamess1 Sun 14-Jul-13 08:07:31

Thankyou for replies.

This is just one of many issues im having to go through at this time.

Basically i gave contact through courts without any fight and now stupidly regret it and now that my ex is not taking proper care of the children i dont really have a leg to stand on in court because they say i didnt voice any concerns. I was so stupid and tried to be ammicable and put the kids first but as soon as we stepped out of the court my ex changed and went back to his usual abbusive self. When he has the kids he doesnt bathe, feed, refuses to do homework with them point blank. And he has a drinking problem( been to rehab at least twice) and cannabis etc but i guess i cant prove that. He has already applied to court for enforcement proceedings against me for breaking contact order which is untrue, so i know the judge will not look kindly on my case. Ive had to hire a solicitor when previously i was representing myself (not doing a good job). I am due to take the children on their first holiday in 3 years and am scared he might have grounds to stop me going as i failed to comply with contact order. Any advice on if he will be able to do that? I am flying out on 22 july, so not very long and i guess he will be angry enough to prevent me going. Any advice appreciated, im going out of my mind with worry.

If i get found guilty i will lose my job(childrens services).

Inamess1 Sun 14-Jul-13 08:13:18

I currently dont have a car and have been using my brothers car which had the car seats in it. I informed the ex that he will need to bring car seats as my bro didnt realise they were in the car and has gone out.

In addition to carseats i usually have to give all the childrens clothes, toys etc only to get them back unwashed etc and get nothing from the ex as maintenance( csa are involved but cant trace him). Its a joke that im going to get in trouble with the law and lose my job over this.

Hissy Sun 14-Jul-13 08:18:08

You are being abused here.

Gwt this logged and reported with the GP. The health visitor and children's services yourself.

Go to the CAB and ask for advice.

It may be that if you can prove abuse, you may get legal funding.

Inamess1 Sun 14-Jul-13 08:18:11

Oh and he called the police and said im not complying with order so they came out and threatened me. Im not sure if because the police officer was male he took exes side. (Speculation, but thats what it felt like).

Inamess1 Sun 14-Jul-13 08:27:47

Thanks hissy, unfortunately don't qualify for legal aid, as the domestic violence I suffered was many years ago.

Dahlen Sun 14-Jul-13 08:36:57

You can bring up the drinking and drugs at court and ask for a drug's test. If your X went into rehab, there will be proof.

A judge would lay into your X for expecting to transport the children without a car seat.

I am amazed that the police came to see you about this TBH. Definitely raise a complaint. I don't want to stray into flights of fancy here, but I am SO amazed that I'm going to ask you are you sure it was a real police officer?

calmingtea Sun 14-Jul-13 08:55:04

Keep records of everything, all communications, all incidents. Log every detail.

I cannot see how, if you warned him you did not have access to the car seats, and that he needed to provide them with reasonable notice, that you have done anything wrong and that a court would convict you. Have you called women's aid or CAB for advice? There must be someone who can advise you, because sitting there scared and intimidated is not right.

Lweji Sun 14-Jul-13 09:04:18

You do have a leg to stand on.

You gave him the benefit of the doubt.

He is not taking proper care of the children, you refuse him contact and he has to show he does take care of them.
Get as much evidence as you can and legal advice.

This police officer got his version. Ignore him.

Inamess1 Sun 14-Jul-13 09:27:47

It was def a real police officer, came in police car and everything.

I will keep records of everything and am seeing solicitor tomorrow, so hopefully that will give me a chance to see how mad the situation actually is.

I didn't think to get policeman s name or number??

I just hope he doesn't deny the kids the holiday, which he will try. Getting away for a week is what I need.

mummytime Sun 14-Jul-13 09:43:07

Okay - get prepared. Get yourself a notebook and record what happens about contact from now on. Record when he turns up without car seats, when he is late, and when everything is fine.

Also if another policeman turns up at your door, record his name and number.

Do not allow your children go with a policeman unless you have independently phone the police station to check it is all legitimate.

I would also phone your local police station or 101 to report what happened last night. It doesn't sound legitimate, and no one has a right to call for children like that without a specific court order (not the contact order).

Inamess1 Sun 14-Jul-13 10:11:06

Thanks mummytime. I will contact police station tomorrow. The police officer in question advised me to give the kids to ex but I was not prepared to at 10pm when they were asleep and for kids to wake up and see the police would be quite frightening. Do you have any idea about whether he can prevent our holiday because I prevented contact?

Inamess1 Sun 14-Jul-13 10:14:25

Also the fact that the police officer threatened me with jail, losing custody of children etc is a harsh. He was very annoyed when I politely refused to hand over the children.

When I apologised as he was leaving he said its not me you should be apologising to!

So I should be expected to apologise to my ex who is such a nasty piece of work?

Lweji Sun 14-Jul-13 10:17:47

Are you going abroad?
In which case he might be able to prevent it, if he was your H at the time of the births or he's got parental responsibility.

He might not prevent it, because that would also open a bigger can of worms.

If he is having his children drunk, I'd do my very best for him not to see them unsupervised again until he is reliably sober.
Even if he shows up sober at your place, he could get drunk later.

So, think long term, not short term (holiday).

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