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Is it normal for men these days to not bother to tell you when you're dumped?!

(25 Posts)
unicornshoes Thu 11-Jul-13 19:30:03

Just that really, I have been seeing a man for around 3 months now and he asked me to be his girlfriend/be exclusive. He text me Saturday night after standing me up that night with no explanation. He said he would call on Sunday and I have not heard from him since.

We were getting on really great and he said he was happy. I am desperate to ask him if I have been dumped but I'm not going to. I'm assuming he's just a bit of a coward and can't tell me that I'm dumped to my face or even bother to call to do it!

This is the first man I have had anything to do with for a long time as came out of a long relationship last year so I don't know if this is standard behaviour?

Ezio Thu 11-Jul-13 20:40:28

Shake it off and move on, it happened to me once, its best just to let it go.

unicornshoes Thu 11-Jul-13 20:47:33

Thanks Ezio, I was just starting to really enjoy his company and the sex too, I feel such a fool!

VelvetSpoon Thu 11-Jul-13 20:49:03

It happened to me the first time about 18 years ago - everyone I know was shocked, horrified, suggested I called the hospitals etc. It was inconceivable someone would just do this, if you didn't want to keep seeing each other, you finished it. That was the way it worked.

However in recent times this has become the rather depressing norm to treat people in such a rude and disrespectful way. It happened to me recently with someone I have been dating since October, and several friends have also experienced this silent dumping.

Its pathetic and cowardly. I found it disappointing too, I didn't think he was that type of person. Apparently I was wrong!

Sadly, it's quite common. Years of dating taught me to be very cautious with my feelings and not to assume the other was on the same page as me (I'm a fast reader...) unless explicitly stated and demonstrated beyond all reasonable doubt.

I have experienced what you describe several times, just pfffftt... gone, leaving you with a slow, sinking realisation. Not very nice at all.

wine

Dorange Thu 11-Jul-13 20:52:51

You are well rid.
Ignore him when and IF he appears.

My friend was in a 'great' relationship, they were madly in love with each other and talking about marriage and kids...he dumped her on FB...everyone is shocked. She was one step away of quitting her job to move in with him...she had a luck scape.

unicornshoes Thu 11-Jul-13 20:57:06

Thank you all, seems there are cowardly men everywhere. I will be more cautious next time if bother at all x

superstarheartbreaker Thu 11-Jul-13 20:58:45

My ex dumped on Facebook too. After heavy protestations of love etc. He is 40 shock. Sadly, although pathetic and cowardly, I feel it is a growing trend. Where are the old-school gents?

Chesntoots Thu 11-Jul-13 20:59:09

Were you dating one of my exes?

Spineless twat.

issey6cats Thu 11-Jul-13 21:00:58

yep one or two do this nowadays a guy i had been seeing for about 3 months, met his daughter and always talked exclusive, daily chats on facebook when we wernt seeing each other that day suddenly vanished wasnt in if i phoned , saw he was on facebook asked why did you vanish he didnt even reply lol, move on and forget the twat its his loss

Officershitty Thu 11-Jul-13 21:01:58

It is easy to think maybe there has been a crisis in his life, or to speculate about what has happened. If he liked you enough, he would find a way to contact you whatever happened in his life.
I would chalk it up to experience and move on. Can you get some experience by dating a few guys - spread the load and have some fun. Hopefully you will meet a prince wink

Ezio Thu 11-Jul-13 21:03:33

Think of it as a bullet truely dodged, its better to know they are cowardly and selfish rather than be blind to it.

HomageToCannelloni Thu 11-Jul-13 21:04:24

I don't think you should ignore him, if men get away with treating people like this they will think its acceptable, I'd have to turn up and tell him off! grin

HomageToCannelloni Thu 11-Jul-13 21:14:02

Sorry, that was supposed to be a angry

nickymanchester Thu 11-Jul-13 21:16:02

curableromantic - not to assume the other was on the same page as me (I'm a fast reader...)

What an absolutely lovely turn of phrase. I'll add this to my list of things that I plagiarise from others

unicornshoes Thu 11-Jul-13 21:17:05

That's exactly what I thought for a while Officershitty, for a couple of days anyhow, now I just think what an arse, a selfish arse at that.

I'm not sure really about more dates I don't go out often enough to meet new men, unfortunately. That's why its so depressing, he's the first man I have even fancied for a long time.

Homage, I won't be telling him off but I am very tempted grin and I will be ignoring him!

Dorange Thu 11-Jul-13 21:47:23

Or maybe if he re-apperas just say
Fuck off
and than ignore...

HomageToCannelloni Fri 12-Jul-13 00:20:45

If you wanted unicorn, you could give me his details and I'll go and chop his knob off tell him off for you! grin

mercury7 Fri 12-Jul-13 01:37:38

dont think this kind of thing is anything new, and I daresay women do it too!

In your shoes op I'd probably send some sort of 'not heard from you so I assume you want to leave things' text, just to get some sort of closure, but perhaps phrase it in a way that suggests you dont really give a damn?

It's a rotten way to behavesad

Walkacrossthesand Fri 12-Jul-13 07:34:57

Unfriend him on FB with immediate effect, of course? You don't want him receiving your newsfeed, seeing what's happening in your & your friends lives, nor do you want the temptation of peeking at his...

unicornshoes Fri 12-Jul-13 07:58:04

Homage - sounds good, perhaps I should just post his photo on here to warn other women of him wink

mercury - I did want to send some sort of closure text but I have deleted his number now and think that's for the best rather than wondering if he'd bother to reply for the next couple of days.

Walkacrossthesand - not friends with him on FB, I do have an account but barely use it so never asked him to be friends, nor did he, red flag?

Mb2013 Mon 15-Jul-13 07:28:03

This happened to me unfortunately , been seeing him for 6 months met him online .
Should of known he was a liar as I'd never been to his house as he lived with his parents , then just stopped calling and vanished he would arrange to come round and I'd say are you sure you want to as I sensed he'd lost interest and he'd say if I didn't want to I'd say no anyway he vanished !
It's not very nice but sometimes we can be blind to things I was .

ALittleStranger Mon 15-Jul-13 09:02:44

Women do it to0. It's not big or clever but we can all be cowards about giving people bad news.

celticclan Mon 15-Jul-13 10:13:20

I don't think it's a new thing. I remember being silently dumped when I was much younger.

FossilMum Mon 15-Jul-13 10:39:32

Not new, but crap. Happened to me twice, 2 years apart, about 30 (!) years ago. Both too cowardly to tell me honestly, so hoped I'd "get the hint" when they didn't call. In retrospect I knew something wasn't right, really, but insisted on a meeting to talk things over and "sort things out" - then they had to fess up and I became officially dumped.

Move on, find someone better, good luck.

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