Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

partner left me while pregnant

(11 Posts)
laurajayne1988 Thu 11-Jul-13 20:52:10

Thankyou all for the advice after him not showing up again today I phoned him and said enough is enough if he wants to see them he has to sort it out himself through court because I'm fed up of trying... I'm not going to contact him and he is to stay away from me... I will still take them to his family though x

Also, if you don't want to change your number then at least log everything she sends you & do not under any circumstances reply. Report it to the police.

Forget about trying to reason with him. Change your number and get on with your pregnancy with as much distance between you two as you can possibly engineer. When the baby arrives you can let him know and leave the door open for access but that's all you need to do. No more. The rest is up to him to do/not bother to do. Until that happens you're not going to feel any better and he's going to continue to 'headfuck' you.

(I went through a nasty breakup at the start of my pregnancy with DS and cutting contact, until the birth, was the best thing I could've done, as it took all the pressure off for a bit and I could cope much better without the confusion and stress).

laurajayne1988 Thu 11-Jul-13 10:10:48

Spoken to child maintenance etc with regards to money and they said if he doesn't pay then go through csa... Didn't realise he didn't have to see our daughter to pay... My main concerns are him letting her down and not showing up, his threats and him taking our girl to his gf house after she has shown no respect to me or my kids... He has already taken her there in May when I was working at the time and he enjoyed telling me saying she's a perfect stepmum etc. Lost my job end of June been there since April last year - I didn't stick to my contract not promoting and not turning up to important meetings etc as he didn't turn up for our daughter tried my best to explain but no good sad x

SanityClause Wed 10-Jul-13 22:06:39

Laura, you do know that the money he pays you is not connected to the him being able to see her. He has to pay, whether he sees her, or not, and will also have to pay maintenance for the new baby. Perhaps the CSA would be the best people to speak to, as it takes it out of your hands.

It is reasonable to insist on a routine, otherwise your DD will end up being disappointed, if she's expecting Daddy to be there, and he doesn't show. Mediation was a good idea, and maybe he'll agree, if he realises you are serious about a routine.

How did you suggest mediation to him? Can I suggest you do it again, using email. If he decides to take some kind of legal action, in the future, you will have evidence that you have tried to be reasonable about this issue.

With respect to your job, had you been there long? Was there a proper disciplinary hearing? Sacking a pregnant woman is a bit dodgy, and you may have a good case against your employer. Try Citizens' Advice?

NothingsLeft Wed 10-Jul-13 21:49:14

Legal advice, not legs. They would be no help at all.

NothingsLeft Wed 10-Jul-13 21:48:15

You poor thing. Unfortunately I know a couple of people this has happened to now. Both in long term (10+ years) marriages that were previously seemingly stable. Planning and wanted pregnancies.It has been a huge shock each time.

Both men left having met someone else at work. Obviously I only know one side but it is still a terrible thing to do to a person, leave them at their most vulnerable. I am truly sorry this has happened. You and your children deserve much more.

He has a financial responsibility to you at the very least. Can you seek leg do advice? In the meantime, try as best you can to concentrate on yourself and DD. He is not the person you thought he was.

laurajayne1988 Wed 10-Jul-13 21:26:07

i have fab friends and family but feel bad as they have their own problems hence why i went to the GP and why i thought i'd try here to see if anyone had been through anything similar. i live with my little girl in a private rented house but family and friends nearby... we were honestly a perfect couple - everyone was so shocked when he left, we were always laughing and very happy we had booked our wedding for next year and he was excited planning it and then boom - all gone kinda like he had a breakdown or something? police have been involved and i have changed my number but not sure what to do about contact as we had sorted it for him to see her but he kept letting her down... i suggested mediation just to get her in a routine but he said he would stop giving me money - feel like i cant win... and no idea why shes been like this to me i genuinly havent done anything to her not even had a go at her because like i say im pregnant and want as little stress as possible x

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 10-Jul-13 21:15:10

Sounds like a truly terrible situation and you have my sympathy. I'm afraid I don't see how the 'best person you could have wished for' could turn into this abusive monster overnight. People don't change personality that radically and, even if his new girlfriend is pulling the strings, then he's a miserable coward as well as a bully. Drop all contact, change your phone and certainly keep your children away from him.

Did you call the police about the threats from him, this woman and her friend?

IhearyoubutIcantfeelit Wed 10-Jul-13 21:13:36

Dear laurajayne, I am very sorry to hear what you are going through. I am also pregnant and have been left. He hasn't seen us for 2 months.
Do you have RL friends and family who can support you in your area? I am so sorry you are down and upset. Has he paid any maintenance and reimbursed you for the job you lost.

Are you sharing a house or flat? Why is that woman so nasty to you? Have you alerted police? I would notify them and keep a diary with dates and times, this is outrageous!! I didn't want to leave your post unanswered. I hope someone wiser and less broken than me will be along soon. X

laurajayne1988 Wed 10-Jul-13 21:05:35

i was with my partner for nearly 4 years and we have a 2 yr old and a baby due in october... he left me the day after we came back from our holiday for another woman who is 8 years older than him, seperated from her hubby and has a son of her own - she has been vile towards me. she has text me saying i hope your baby dies, called police on me and social services he has had proof of all this yet is still with her. her friend has also threatened to 'batter me'. he was the best person i could have ever wished for but since he left he has been horrible towards me threatening me, calling me every name under the sun, not turning up for our daughter and because of this i lost my job yet every now and again he texts me saying he loves me and always will and hes devastated that he has lost his best friend... he really messes with my head when he does this. he works mon-fri 8.30-5 and then hes with her all the time and her child... he hasnt seen our daughter for over 2 weeks now and when he last saw her it was for an hour.

im feeling very down at the moment especially as im raising our daughter on my own as well as going through this pregnancy... i dont sleep and have lost 2 stone in weight which isnt good. its worse when my girl is in bed and im on my own. i have been to the gp and am being refered to a councellor. he wasnt at the 20 week scan and as i have to have a c section i dont even think i want him there especially as he has disrespected the baby by being in a relationship with someone who said she hopes the baby dies.

has anyone been through this or anything similar? any advice would be much appreciated.

sorry for the long post xx

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now