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Oh god. Why did I hit send?

(62 Posts)
chocoreturns Wed 10-Jul-13 10:14:58

I've just sent an email to my ex calling him a useless self-interested prat and an utter dick of a non-resident parent.

WHY did I hit send? Usually I'm so considered and just let it roll off me like so much nonsense. He just makes my blood boil sometimes.

He doesn't want to contribute more than £25 for school uniform for a year, because it should all come from a supermarket and I should know how to budget better.

I don't even care about the money, I knew he wouldn't bother. It's just the selfish, pompous crap he spouts all the time about what a brilliant dad he is, but when it comes to anything that you might reasonably expect two parents to discuss, compromise or agree on, he treats me like a bloody servant/idiot/unpaid childminder of no consequence whatsoever.

I could happily never see him again in my life.

Only another 18 years to go sad

chocoreturns Wed 10-Jul-13 22:27:55

thanks guys - have asked a couple of other single and fabulous mummies to have a picnic with all the kids in the park for lunch tomorrow, so I'll have a mini party with them smile I know they will all get it as well, and we'll have a great day. I am incredibly lucky to have some amazing RL friends too. I'll raise a glass to MN while I'm there! x

Scarletohello Wed 10-Jul-13 22:49:18

Oh choco, he sounds like an entitled, selfish arse. Give me your address and I'lll send you a lovely little b day pressie, sounds like you need a treat after dealing with someone like that..!

laeiou Wed 10-Jul-13 23:18:53

About the card- why not help your DC yourself to make one? Personally I prefer that to one that ex has been involved with.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 10-Jul-13 23:36:51

wine tonight, best wishes for tomorrow. His Twuntship still dicking about, then? You are so well rid.

Allalonenow Thu 11-Jul-13 08:49:16

thanks wine
Sending you best wishes for a Happy Birthday choco hope you have a lovely day!

theoriginalandbestrookie Thu 11-Jul-13 09:04:12

I know it's not the Mumsnet way but - Happy Birthday Choco.

As an aside, DS is at private school and they have a fabulous thrift shop with very low prices - dispatched DH off there last night to restock for next term. May be something similar at your DCs school.

lazarusb Thu 11-Jul-13 09:52:55

Happy Birthday flowers

PoppyField Thu 11-Jul-13 11:10:20

Happy Birthday Choco. And have a lovely picnic.xx

chocoreturns Thu 11-Jul-13 12:56:26

thank you all! We're back a bit early from our picnic due to melting in the midday sun. But it was gorgeous. And my amazing neighbour arrived this morning at 10am with flowers and homemade chocolate cake - which almost made me cry! I really am well rid and I'm feeling very loved and lucky today. We're going to hide inside now for a few hours then I may take the kids swimming to cool down, happy days! And happy birthday to you too jayho!

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Thu 11-Jul-13 13:41:26

Choco I can sympathise (and empathise) more than I'm willing to say on here. Every damn morning I wake up and congratulate myself on getting up the gumption to get him to sling his hook smile

Happy birthday. And to you too jayho thanks

captainmummy Thu 11-Jul-13 13:56:50

Happy Birthday Choco!

And to jayho

flowers

cheeseandpineapple Thu 18-Jul-13 00:31:15

Hi Choco, belated Happy Birthday! Been out of the loop, had to search for your latest thread.

Twunt is still being a Twunt by the looks of things. No change there. You're expecting him to show a glimmer of reasonableness and appreciation. It's impossible for him to do that. He's delusional, a complete sociopathic narcissist and a cheapskate! You've been way up high, in terms of moral high ground, you need to come down from time to time and kick his proverbial arse! Don't make things any easier for him than you need to. I know you try to keep things on an even keel for the boys but sometimes you need to push back and get fired up to make someone back off and realise they need you more than you need them. He needs you. You don't need him. He could drop dead and whilst that would be tough for your boys emotionally because they must love him for being their dad, it would probably make your life a lot easier from a practical perspective. But if something happens to you (touching lots of wood), he's fucked.

It's a horrible morbid subject but have you made a will and arrangements in case something happens to you? Since he's raised it, can you influence him to agree on a guardian if anything happens to you both and get him to put it in his will as that might be in the boys' and your interests? Ultimately neither of you can impose anything on the other so if you think it could get political having the discussion, don't bother addressing with him and just make your own arrangements. Then make a voodoo doll of him and stick pins in it..

You mentioned cards/presents from the kids on your birthday. Not all blokes think of that even if "happily" married. Am surprised at how crap some of them are, kids are more likely to learn about giving if they have a role model. If your children's dad, ex or other won't take on that role then it's something I think mums should actively instil in their kids, particularly for boys to be great future boyfriends/partners at the very least! And I don't mean you encouraging the boys to buy presents for Twunt but they need help buying or making presents for you!

Unfortunately, you can't expect Twunt to help you raise your children as thoughtful, considerate, generous individuals. It's beyond his capability otherwise you wouldn't be in this situation in the first place if he had a shred of decency. Going forward could you enlist the help of your mum and ask her to take the boys shopping to choose gifts for you in future eg for Xmas? You could give her the money and she should tell them what their budget is and let them choose as far as possible, little one may need more direction! It's a good way for them to learn about adding up and budgets. Might also help them get into a ritual which they can keep up for themselves as they get older.

Kids can get so excited about you opening presents which they've chosen or made themselves. As much as we might want a bit of spoiling, it can be lovely for them to go through the preparation stage and get a buzz from it too. I don't think many blokes do this for their wives off their own bat, I've shamelessly had to encourage my lot! But it's paid off, my kids are so excited about what they've given me, really thoughtful simple presents which have made my heart melt.

Straying off course now, dare I ask what happened in the end with TOTGA? Have you been able to maintain the friendship? Anything interesting happening on the personal front generally? I'm being very nosy, feel free to tell me to mind my own beeswax but you've not been updating your blog!

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