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DH constantly angry, is it me?

(30 Posts)
Daftname Tue 09-Jul-13 21:28:30

We've been married 15 years with 2dc's and when things are good we really get on. The problem is, he gets so angry so easily and I am scared and feel really bad for putting the dc's through it. He isn't violent per se but will shout, swear and break things at the drop of a hat. When anything happens (like a jar falling over) we all look at DH to see how he will respondhmm
In his defence, he works long hours in a new and very pressured job. I was a sahm for many years (joint decision) and my earnings are now much less than his despite retraining (with a lot of support from DH).
Also, I am v disorganised and dont think the same things need doing so DH ends up with a lot on his plate. I have tried to do things but this doesn't work eg he said he hated having to sweep the office floor every day after work, I got home before him so did it, he got home and did it again!
I hate him being angry all the time but don't seem to be able to change anything.
I've lost all perspective so am hoping some of you lovely ladies can give me an idea what to do next.

slipperySlip000 Wed 10-Jul-13 18:14:43

The problem now is more non-specific aggression which impinges and creates an atmosphere but is not so difficult to clear the air about.

I totally recognize this. As well as snappy remarks, subtly intimidating body language constant, never ending low-level frustration and anger simmering way. Awful.

Stbxh also used to deny incidents, even immediately afterwards, including when he made dd1 cry by shouting at her as she hung up her Christmas stocking at bedtime on Xmas Eve.

I did give him an ultimatum in 2009 but what happened was he sought help from GP, who prescribed antidepressants for stbxh and told me my issues 'would have to go on the backburner'. stbxh took on the victim role, saw a counsellor who (helpfully told stbxh 'everyone gets angry sometimes') which made stbxh feel frustrated and entitled all over again.

I left this man three weeks ago. I have never felt better since having kids (which was when things started, really).

Very nice to hear that in the case of Josie1974 some partners can change. When this happens this is fantastic. Each case is unique, but the changes that need to be made are fundamental. In my case I have spent two years struggling with it and I am done.

LookingForwardToMarch Wed 10-Jul-13 18:21:45

I grew up in a home like this and it will be massively affecting your children.

I didn't realise it but in my first few relationships I actually was behaving a bit like my dad sad

I felt sick when I finally woke up and realised, luckily was still young with no dc then.

So full of anger but only at home....

Two years of therapy and now thankfully am far from the person I had turned into.

slipperySlip000 Wed 10-Jul-13 18:21:50

actually I have spent ten years struggling with it. two was typo.... was talking to kid at same time.

Oblomov Wed 10-Jul-13 18:24:43

Not thta i am condongin his behaviour.
But, was he always like this?
Dh now refers to me as "Mrs Angry from Purley" - i.e the Steve Wright, Mr Angry from Purley character.

But I never used to be.
Angry.
Then things happened to me: My diabetes became chronic; I was told that my children would be taken away, by SS, by a one-off Gp, who told me that "smacking is illegal", when I went begging for help, and in conversation ,admitted thta I had smacked, eldest ds, once, a year before;
My work told me that they were going to get me to to leave, after 6 yrs, by 'hook or by crook';
I fought school/Gp/ local authourity to get my son diagnosed as AS (Autistic) even though they kept telling me it was " my crap parenting". shall I continue?

These kind of thinhs, taint you, make you angry. And you are not the person, you were before.

Now, I do feel angry. But I never was before.
Is your dh like this? or is it diferent?

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 10-Jul-13 18:42:40

Do you smash stuff and frighten your kids Oblomov? If there's a simple accident at home (like a jar falling over), does everyone look at you wondering if you're going to kick off?

Thought not.

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