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Friend ripped off for 35K by guy on Match.com- I need to talk her round HELP!

(180 Posts)
Friendinneed13 Mon 08-Jul-13 23:44:20

Hi All,

Am regular (ish) poster but name changed on this occasion!

A single friend who I met through work is a regular on match.com, she is in her mid forties, attractive, smart and has a great job with an excellent salary.

She met a guy on match.com approx 4-5 months ago, they had been speaking for around two weeks when they decided to meet up- on that night that had sex and spent the whole weekend together which she refers to as 'special'....

The following week at work she told me all about her weekend and that continued to tell me that he had financial problems with his business and she had invested/ lent him £10,000- she said he didn?t want to take it and she had to convince him to!!

I was so angry with her and told her so- which she didn?t like- I told her he was ripping her off etc. etc. and she promised not to give him any more money.

But??.In the last few months she has given him a further £25,000, his business folded and now he is going from one disaster to another, loan sharks, bailiffs, can?t pay rent; no food etc. which I think is all bullshit by the way.

He has told her so many lies, many of which he admits to when found out- for example he said he was getting a loan to pay her back but when she showed me the email- I did some digging and found that it was a fake email address etc. - when she confronted him he admitted it, but said he only did it because loan sharks where after him and he needed her to lend him more money etc.

She also seems in denial that he has a gambling problem- soon after meeting they went to Monte Carlo for the weekend and he spent most of the time in the casino alone gambling and losing large sums of money ? yet she continues to help him although they are not in a relationship and never really were.

I need help to convince her of what I KNOW is the truth a) He is a conman who constantly lies to her to procure money b) He is a gambler and that?s where her money is going. Every month she says that she will not give him any more money, but this month alone he has already had £1500 from her, her savings has been totally wiped out by this wanker and when payday comes around he piles on the pressure to ?borrow? more money, always promising to pay it back from some deal or property sale etc?

The problem is that although I think she is now coming around to the idea that he has ripped her off, she feels that he has some good in him and if she doesn?t help him stay afloat she will see none of her money back- she borrowed £1500 from me last month to pay her mortgage as she had given all her money to him- which she did pay me back, but her financial situation is dire at the moment because of him.
My friend likes to think she is a canny business woman, and a good judge of character then why can?t she see this guy for what he is a liar and a thief? I don?t want to lose her friendship and I care for her very much, but I?ve spent nearly two hours on the phone with her tonight as she has lent him the £1500 and now he is not answering her calls/text- which is something he has done before- she doesn?t even know where he is living now.

How do I convince her to go to the police and to STOP GIVING HIM MONEY??? HELP!

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 21-Jul-13 11:28:20

I can't understand WHY you keep expecting her to listen. One definition of insanity is repeating the same action and expecting a different outcome. You all seem to be stuck in this bizarre loop doing the same things, experiencing the same outcome.... and I don't understand why it still comes as a surprise. Someone has to stick a spoke in the wheel....

skyeskyeskye Sun 21-Jul-13 11:28:25

as long as she doesn't give him MORE money.......

Walkacrossthesand Sun 21-Jul-13 11:51:46

How about if you use your insight into the situation to predict to her what will happen ie 'look, X, it's payday next week, that's why he is coming to see you. I predict that, far from giving you money back , he'll be laying on a sob story to get more out of you. If I'm right, remember this conversation - and if the outcome of next weekend is anything other than him repaying some of the money he owes you, I don't want to hear another word about it - and I'm certainly not lending you any more money'.

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning Sun 21-Jul-13 12:13:27

Get her to give you her cards and for you to change her PayPal number

newbiefrugalgal Sun 21-Jul-13 12:25:13

Yes that's a good idea about the cards.
Get her to log on together and change her online banking too do that she can't access that!
Make sure she has enough cash for a coffee for the weekend, food in fridge etc. no more.
Let her see what he does.

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