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Seperation

(4 Posts)

After mistakes on both sides, I have realised the only way forwards is a split.

We have a child (pre-school) and a mortgage. Not married. Previous split was "temporary", he was living away from home during that time, and doubt would be a long term solution.

Way I feel right now is I do not want to try again. Way he feels is nothing is wrong hmm

Can anyone point me in the right direction for advice? Don't want to speak to solicitors re house until I know what the options are.

When we discussed spiltting, his words were he would rather see me homeless if not living as a family.

I can give more details if anyone thinks they are relevant sad

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 08-Jul-13 10:39:30

A solicitor can give you the options and lots of information on how to proceed. You don't have to fast-forward straight to a house-sale and solicitors sometimes offer a free half-hour initial consultation. As he appears to be taking a very hostile stance already, don't be frightened to roll out the big guns early on. A few well-timed solicitors' letters can save you a lot of time and headaches.

CAB is another avenue you could explore for your legal rights and help with benefits if that is at all relevant to you. As you have a child together and I'd assume that you would become the primary carer, he is also responsible for maintaining that child financially. The CSA website has a calculator that can give you some pointers on how much that could be.

Thank you Cogito

We both work full time, so I would be going for full custody - but I am scared he will fight this given the hours I work - and fight for full himself.

I would be ensure he has the opportunity to maintain a relationship with our child.
He has suggested this wouldn't happen if things are the otherway around - this is the thing that held me back previously.

A friend said it is unlikely he would get full custody as we 50/50 split our time and care duties (in theory), and therefore that would probably be what would happen if it went legal?

Re finances, will look into it - but I am more worried about custody.

Just all a bit of a mess. Would be easier if he was a crappy dad or treated us badly.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 08-Jul-13 11:28:04

I'd advise against aiming for full custody because, unless he is violent or something similar, you are setting yourself up for failure. Your friend is right. The starting point is that the parents share responsibility for care 50/50 or as near as is practical. If you both work full-time that might mean you end up being the primary carer weekdays and you share the weekends and school holidays between you.

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