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Dont know What to make of my relationship anymore?

(8 Posts)
Perriwinkle9991 Mon 08-Jul-13 00:37:53

Hi all, I'm writing this as I don't know what to make of my relationship or so called lack of.
Me and OH have been together 4 years have a DS who is 1. The past few months I feel like I have totally gone off him. I don't like to be kissed or have any affection, don't really like or want to have sex anymore and generally feel blah towards him.
We argue a lot and I am very snappy and irritable towards him.
We have been through a lot this past year having to deal with his family issues for example his mother hating me since I have birth, the fact his mother isn't his mother and is another family member :/ , his brother being a hateful callouse idiot and the list goes on.
I've been busy going back to work part time and studying full time for my degree and went though a bout of depression to which ive had no support. He pretty much laughed about it when the dr confirmed it an said oh your not depressed stop exaggerating!

I just don't know why I feel this way towards him. He is a good dad and a good man, does a lot around the house, works full time.
Every time I ask him to leave he won't and I have said its simply because he has no where else to go.
I've said time apart would do us good to value each other but he won't leave at all. He moans about the lack of sex which makes me less declined to give it.

What do people think? Is there hope or what?
;(

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 08-Jul-13 07:05:57

I'm not surprised you're unhappy. You must feel that you're all by yourself and get neither respect nor affection. Many people find clinical depression in others difficult to understand or deal with but there's simply no excuse for ridiculing your diagnosis and accusing you of exaggeration. If his mother hates you and his brother is callous, that's probably because he hasn't stood up for you against them... very depressing. You've asked him to leave and he won't even take that seriously.

I don't think there's any hope for the relationship because I think he's perfectly happy with things as they are, doesn't value as a person and has no intention of changing. I think there's every hope for you if you can get yourself and your DC away from him and his horrible family.

Perriwinkle9991 Mon 08-Jul-13 08:07:45

Your spot on with the fact he hasn't really stood up for me. He tells them but not to the degree I would! For example his mom would say something such as you can bring LO aroun without me If she doesn't wanna come round. Because I've said until she respects the mother of her grandchild she will not see h

Perriwinkle9991 Mon 08-Jul-13 08:13:35

Oops sorry. Will not see him. If my family was slagging him off I would be furious and be like that is the mother of my child if you cannot be nice no one will see anyone. But no!!!!! All he says to her is no I'm not bringing LO aroun alone.

Seriously though he won't leave the house not even for a few days so we get space. Sometimes I think the only way we cn is If I leave but I don't want too as all the furniture I bought, the deposit to the house is mine and if I go I wouldn't be able to afford it all again. I feel trapped. I just want him to see what his family is like and gets mad with how they treat me.

An regarding the depression he couldn't see where I was coming from because I needed time on my own to do assignments or if I would burst out crying for no reason. I could tell it wa stress because since I've finished uni I do feel ok. However we ha a holiday last month and nothing changed the feelings. Sorry for the rant but no one else gets it!!!! sad

HomageToCannelloni Mon 08-Jul-13 08:24:22

He's not a good man though is he? He negates and ridicules your depression and doesn't take your corner in family issues. I don't know what to suggest if he won't leave though...does he have hobbies? Just thinking you could sneakily book him a long weekend somewhere doing an activity he likes pretending it was a present to get yourself some time away from him?

Perriwinkle9991 Mon 08-Jul-13 08:29:46

No he doesn't unfortunately. I'm sitting here now just hating life. I just don't know why he won't leave. He must be that happy either if I'm vile and snappy all the time. So why won't he agree to a break. It's so hard sad sad

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 08-Jul-13 10:32:54

He won't leave because he doesn't think there is a problem. He's happy enough even with you being vile and snappy because he doesn't take any of it seriously. 'It's just Perriwinkle going off on one of her silly little rants as usual... take no notice'. I'm guessing that's the kind of thing you hear. He doesn't stand up for you with his family because, on some level, he agrees with them. Like the three monkeys he's got hands over his eyes, ears and mouth.... and by dismissing your feelings, his life continues quite nicely, thank you very much.

You can't change him. You can only change your response. Hear what you're saying about furniture and house deposits but there are legal ways to get those back if you should choose to call it a day. When you're at the stage where you hate your life, don't let money keep you trapped.

I think it would help to consult either the CAB, a solicitor or Women's Aid. He can be forced to leave, or you can be helped to leave him and take your possessions with you.
He's not going to change, so your best bet is to get rid of him.

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