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Is there such a thing as physical attraction?

(20 Posts)
jesscakes Sun 07-Jul-13 20:41:36

Iv been single a couple of years and in the last year been dating. The thing is I dont ever feel like Im attracted to anybody. Im wondering at the age of 35 plus, is this normal? Does attraction grow. I see men Im physically attracted to but the ones I date, the thought of kissing them makes me shiver. I know that sounds so shallow as some of these guys are overly nice but I cant help how I feel. I try to have a 2nd and 3rd date but I never feel this 'sparl' ever!!

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 07-Jul-13 20:44:05

Of course there's such a thing as physical attraction. You probably haven't met the right person yet, that's all.

I experience physical attraction to people. Luckily DH is one of them, otherwise I'd be most frustrated! Sometimes it can grow, in my experience, but if not I'd move on in terms of a sexual relationship.

I am also 35, btw.

akaWisey Sun 07-Jul-13 20:46:46

Hi jess. I don't think it's abnormal not to feel a spark, at least I hope it's not. I ask myself the same questions as it's similar for me.

Why aren't you dating the men you feel attracted to?

MyNameIsButterfly Sun 07-Jul-13 20:48:14

In my opinion at the beginning of relationship there should be definitely physical attraction first and from there you move onwards. I was physicily attracted to my now husband and he was to me. We got to know each other and now we are married.

I wasn't that physically attracted to DH at first, as it happens. Not in the sort of all consuming, really physical attraction that can happen sometimes. I didn't think he was repulsive or anything, I thought that he was nice looking, but that was it. The attraction grew though, quite quickly. Speaking personally, I would find it difficult to stay in a committed relationship with someone where there was no physical attraction at all.

kukeslala Sun 07-Jul-13 21:00:03

Yes definitely, for me.
I'm still "physically" attracted to hubby now.
You say you see men your physically attracted to, then say but the ones you date...
Does that mean your dating guys your not physically attracted to?
If it does I wouldn't be surprised you dont want to kiss them, or feel the "spark".
That said for me after the initial physical attraction, other things come in a relationship, which enables a long term relationship.
But I would have thought you would have had to still have some physical attraction.

kukeslala Sun 07-Jul-13 21:02:32

Sorry posted to quick!

Was going to say I would have thought in a long term relationship you would still need physical attraction.

jesscakes Sun 07-Jul-13 21:03:06

Thanks for messages smile
Yeah I know there is physical attraction but Im wondering if it can grow, but do you feel anything at all, on first meeting. Some messages answer yes so good to hear but I dont ever feel anything, I actually think please dont try to kiss me, I know it sounds silly.
Im on a dating site and its difficult to know by pics. I have actually decided to stop dating for a little while as Im feeling abit emotionally numb. I cant even remember how it feels to fancy someone.

rainbowfeet Sun 07-Jul-13 21:03:16

It's all about the spark!!!! & it's so hard to find but it's not just the physical instant attraction it's the whole package. In 5 years & approx 25 ish dates I have only ever had that butterfly feeling about 3 or 4 times!! 3 lead into more serious relationships & 1 was probably just pure lust!!! wink For me there has to be something more than attraction kindness, sense of humour etc... I am longing to find it again, I miss that warm feeling of being close to someone but I do worry my time has been & gone!! confused

jesscakes Sun 07-Jul-13 21:05:13

I mean I see men that I think hmm hes nice looking but thats maybe whilst shopping in tesco smile
The guys that I chat to Im not too sure as its through internet dating and its hard to tell from a pic.

jesscakes Sun 07-Jul-13 21:08:33

rainbowfeet... me too sad but Im not giving up hope.
Im thinking the kindness and sense of humour is yes, most definitely attractive in a guy but dont we have to fancy them first?

Latara Sun 07-Jul-13 21:08:57

This is why i'm wary of OD.

I have definitely had that 'spark' in RL with men and I would expect it during a date; if not i'm not interested.

TheWysticManker Sun 07-Jul-13 21:09:08

I am 48 and aged 45 met my DP. The physical attraction was overwhelming and very intense - not immediately (though I thought he was attractive when I first met him) but certainly within 2-3 meetings. I think if is not there at all, its hard to build a relationship

jesscakes Sun 07-Jul-13 21:18:26

Ok, thi is great advice thanks smile
So TheWysticManker... this is what I wonder, you thought he was good looking, I never feel this. Maybe I havnt given it enough time. Just thought I would of at least felt something by now and was wondering with age does it change. Its so difficult dating after being in such a long marriage.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 07-Jul-13 21:23:29

It doesn't change with age... That's the second time today I've been a bit hmm about a comment suggesting that once you're over 40 your love-buds go into hibernation. grin However, if you give anything 'time' make it that you're getting to know someone as a person. The whole online dating set-up is very contrived as it is. Putting extra pressure on yourself to feel some instant spark doesn't help. Give it a few dates to see if you actually like someone and then judge.

Viking1 Sun 07-Jul-13 21:42:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Speedos Sun 07-Jul-13 21:52:55

There is a physical attraction when you think they are nice looking then I think the strong sexual attraction grows once you know them a little better, this is when you get the butterflies and can't stop thinking about them.

I've always wondered whether that strong sexual attraction (butterflies etc) is always mutual?

jesscakes Sun 07-Jul-13 22:22:33

Aww wow! This is great to read smile
Its definitely extra pressure online dating as on the 2nd date they seem to think your a couple and want to kiss and hold your hand and bombard you with texts. I know I sound mean but I dont want this pressure.
Its nice to read others felt how I do and gives me hope to think theres such thing as a spark. I do or did honestly worry that I was emotionally numb!
Butterflies, aww I so long to feel these smile I would love to meet someone naturally as but its so difficult as a busy mum and all my friends are settled.

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