Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How much social life do you and your partner have with other couples?

(16 Posts)
nerofiend Sun 07-Jul-13 21:39:32

Sorry meant DP

nerofiend Sun 07-Jul-13 21:37:55

We don't meet many people as a couple either. I tend to see my friends separately and my DO meets his separately too.

Two of my closest friends don't have partners so we don't meet as couples.

Sometimes I meet his coupled friends but I don't necessarily consider them my friends an I wouldn't see these people if it weren't for my DO.

I don't think your situation is odd at all. I think it's hard to click with people as couples and I also personally prefer one to one's or meeting a group of my friends only.

We sometimes meet with a couple who are my son's best friend's parents. I get along with her but I find him really moody and controlling. They're thinking about splitting up anyway so I doubt they'll be a couple for much longer.

blackbirdatglanmore Sun 07-Jul-13 21:18:38

Sorry to ask what might be an obvious question but am genuinely wondering why it has to be with other couples?

jessjessjess Sun 07-Jul-13 21:13:57

We are good friends with four other couples who live nearby and both have a lot of friends, but we're quite sociable - everyone's different.

Basketofchocolate Sun 07-Jul-13 17:01:32

Another couple here! We are happy spending time together and with DC. However, me, more than DH would like to socialise more as was more natural for me before getting together with DH. Trouble is, since I did that, we have moved 4 times and each time you lose more friends, especially new ones. Now we are both in a position where most of our friendships are maintained online through skype or email and we don't know any couples or individual friends within 90 mins of driving time. It sucks. Hoping to stay put here for a couple of years and maybe we'll make friends locally. However, as someone else said, no idea how you do that. DH doesn't work locally and I got the impression that the school gate cliques already exist despite DC not starting til Sept.

Still am determined that we'll get there eventually!

OnTheNingNangNong Sun 07-Jul-13 16:57:43

I'm in the process of making new friends, DH doesn't have any friends out side of work, there's no couple friends at the moment!

Shellywelly1973 Sun 07-Jul-13 16:55:10

Dp has more friends then i do. His friends are nice but Im not friends with them or their wifes.

I've lost touch with most of my friends over the last few years. Made a couple friends through the school but i wouldn't go out with them or invite them to my house. They haven't invited me.

We've not made friends as a couple, Im not really sure how you would even do that!!

We are busy with the dc so its not really an issue. Its my 40th in a few months & literally couldn't have a party even if i wanted to!

The whole friends through/socialising thing is very individual & its only a problem if it bothers you...

BalloonSlayer Sun 07-Jul-13 16:51:08

We are the same. I have old friends and we socialise with them and their DHs and with DH's old friends and their DWs whenever we can, but with the friends I have made more recently I just socialise with them, not their husbands. I suspect this is because we got into the habit of doing this - their DHs looked after the DCs while we went out, whereas with old friends we would socialise with couples in the beginning as none of us had DCs, and it has stayed that way.

A friend of mine used to do everything with another couple, even go on holiday. I did feel to start with, when I heard about all they did/where they went that we were somehow inadequate as a couple as we didn't have pair of a "couple best mates." After a while though I began to wonder why they always needed another couple about - didn't they want some time alone together? Then their marriage hit the rocks quite badly, and I sort of had my answer. sad <- genuine, not sour grapes. They seem to have come through it now though.

Essexgirlupnorth Sun 07-Jul-13 16:38:22

We are the same. I have old school friends and uni friends but hubby isn't in touch with anyone from school or uni. His friends have moved away or started families so our social life has dwindled to not much. My friends live all over the country so don't see them much either.
We are having our first baby in 3 months and hope we meet some people through our NCT classes as our lacking social life is really starting to get me down.

Purple2012 Sun 07-Jul-13 16:36:41

We are not great socialisers really. We have a group of 8 of us that will get together but usually with us doing the hosting although we haven't done it for a while as the boyfriend of one couple is a disrespectful cock and I am not inclined to invite him to my house any more.

We do have separate friends but all connected.

We don't get a lot of time together which is why we don't socialise a huge amount and we are all shift workers on different shifts so trying to sort events is hard anyway.

Keztrel Sun 07-Jul-13 16:24:19

DH and I both have our own groups of friends, some of whom have partners and some of whom are single. As we've been together ages, we're pretty much friends with all of each others friends, so socialise together a lot, although quite a lot separately too. We don't consciously make an effort to go out with other couples per se, but sometimes it ends up that way. We don't have that many friends we've made together, iyswim - I think if we made friends with a couple it would feel weird and like a fairly shallow friendship at first, until I got to know one half of the couple really well. I prefer getting to know people one-on-one.

But you don't sound particularly odd to me - a few of my friends have very antisocial DPs so they just socialise on their own, with their own friends, and don't do 'couples' socialising.

nickymanchester Sun 07-Jul-13 16:13:57

As Doha says above, you certainly aren't odd or unique.

I think that there are probably four other couples that we see on a regular basis eg all getting together every couple of months. And one of those couples we see more often.

Having said that I see and talk to the other women from those couples - if that makes sense confused - more often. It's just that we don't get together as ''couples'' quite so often.

But then DH does work quite long hours and so most weekends it's really good to just catch up and spend more time together and with the DCs.

So, at the moment, having a large set of ''couples'' friends isn't so much of a priority.

Mum2Fergus Sun 07-Jul-13 11:19:20

Eh....none lol

Doha Sun 07-Jul-13 11:12:27

I certainly don't think you are odd
We have got a couple of groups of friends who we see maybe every month on average. DH has 1 good friend--a product of constantly moving schools when younger and working in an all female environment.
We spent lots of time together just the two of us due to growing up DC's and l like it this way. We take off at the weekend weather permitting and do our own thing.
He is my best friend.

PurpleGirly Sun 07-Jul-13 11:06:54

It sounds a bit odd to me, but each to their own. DP and I have a great bunch of couple friends and we get together at least once a month as a group with or without kids. We also get on with each others friends and partners ( if they have them). You should invite them all over - it will either work or not, but at least you will know.

Dandelionandburdocky Sun 07-Jul-13 11:01:03

I'm pretty happy with my life overall, but one niggle is lack of social life with DH, in the sense of other couples. If we ever tried to have a party we'd be pushed to ask more than half a dozen people!

I'm the first to admit that we are quite happy with our own company a lot of the time ( together) but at the same time think our life is a bit 'odd' as we rarely see anyone.

I have a handful of close girlfriends- mainly work colleagues, neighbours and really old friends, but most of them live an hour or more away so I don't see any of them that often- maybe once every 3-4 weeks.

DH has NO friends. He's a great guy who everyone likes ( thinking of colleagues) but is a loner. He had 1 friend - an ex colleague- but he is retired and spends a lot of time overseas.

I'd invite my girlfriends and their partners, but for each of them there is a reason not to! Some live too far away to come just for dinner, some of their husbands are anti-social and my friends have made it clear their OHs don't like going out, some have partners who are just 'hard work' and have nothing in common with my DH, half my friends are divorced anyway....

What do other people do and are we really odd?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now