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I just need to vent. I am so annoyed/frustrated/a ngry/tearful

(69 Posts)
ariane5 Sat 06-Jul-13 16:12:21

I don't know what else to say. Dh has really annoyed me today. I had thought recently we were making progress but the last week things have slipped.

To be honest I think we are drifting apart. Never spend any time as a couple and I almost feel 'awkward' around him now.

We have 4 dcs with serious health problems and we are both exhausted as have health issues ourselves. Money is another issue, I am in charge of the finances as dh ends up lending to feckless members of his family or buying what he cannot afford.
Also he is going on a 10 day holoday alone in aug and tbh I am massively pissed off that he is going.

We had a row today as he said he needed new clothes for holiday I said I'd get some from primark/h and m as its not too expensive and he said he wants better make ones and I lost my temper. I'm working to a tigfht budget with our finances and he doesn't understand that he can't have the best of stuff. He criticised a pair of asda shorts I had once got him so I cut them up and threw them away, took my wedding ring off and cried. It doesn't help I have pmt but I'm at the end of my tether.

I really feel like we cannot ever go back to how we once were too much has been said/done and we have drifted apart I think.

I get the impression he hankers after an easy life, relaxing holidays and dcs seem too much for him to deal with.

I'm so fed up.

ariane5 Mon 08-Jul-13 10:59:55

Illness has really clouded things I think as I have needed huge amounts of help with dcs but tbh I could if pushed manage it alone. Looks like I will have to.

As tempting as it is to hide his passport I won't. He will still go I know he will.

I suggested he goes back to mils but 'apparently' his GM will be moving in with mil so there will be no room. I have told him to look for somewhere else asap.

Portofino Mon 08-Jul-13 11:04:20

You need to TELL him he is not going. He has responsibilities and you cannot afford it. End of. If he kicks off tell him to fuck off.

paintyourbox Mon 08-Jul-13 11:11:30

Oh ariane it sounds like you are having a really tough time.

I think your "D"H is enjoying his cake and eating it. He is playing you off against his parents. They'll take their "poor wee lamb" on holiday but when it comes to it, and you ask him to leave there's no room at the inn for golden boy.

I think you're right, he needs to find somewhere else ASAP. Where that is and how he affords it is no longer your concern. Tell him: you have a week to pack your things and get out.

DameFanny Mon 08-Jul-13 11:16:08

I'm so glad you're finally going to get out of this. I too have lurked on other threads - you can manage - you're an extraordinarily strong person and not having to worry about H will give you more headspace to manage all of you.

Are you going to ask for the transfer as well? That will force him to find his own place.

fuzzpig Mon 08-Jul-13 11:25:48

I'm glad you've posted that it's over, this has been coming for a long time.

You will be better off without him. I wonder if as a single mum you will be entitled to more help with caring for your DCs - charities etc (I have no idea if that's true, just a thought) not to mention the fact that he will have to pay maintenance and also presumably have access visits where he might finally realise just how difficult it is to do it on your own.

That and the fact you will no longer have a money draining, emotionally abusive arse in your house. That'll be the biggest difference!

WireCat Mon 08-Jul-13 13:53:16

I'm glad you've seen the light.

He is a total asshole.

Spero Tue 09-Jul-13 09:21:38

O ffs. I think they all age the same script. I was told that a weekend with my friend and our two babies was the equivalent on the relaxation scale to a long weekend skiing with other adults so how dare I complain?

These men are just selfish and entirely self absorbed. I don't think they will ever change, they will simply go from relationship to relationship until they have entirely used up every last drop of your goodwill or until they find someone utterly desperate who will just put up with them.

He is making things worse for you when a relationship should be about both of you benefitting for each others love and support. He is a leech.

Good luck. I don't think the future can be as bad as this. And hopefully will be 100s times better.

Eliza22 Tue 09-Jul-13 09:29:49

Jesus Christ, woman! Please remove this useless man from your life. He is selfish, abusive and really not worth the effort. Shocking.

I'm sending you a virtual hug.

He is a class one t**t.

Jux Tue 09-Jul-13 19:20:25

I don't think there is anything more you can do. He is either thick as shit or he just doesn't want to know.

Once he's gone, the possibilities for people popping out of the woodwork and offering help rise. Not to mention that you'll get more help from officialdom.

What's your situation vis a vis housing? If you're renting you could see about changing the contract into your name oly and then changing the locks when he's away.

nkf Tue 09-Jul-13 19:24:33

Are you the poster who can't get her glasses fixed because H lends money to feckless family?

Onetwo34 Tue 09-Jul-13 20:37:15

It will be hard alone but not as hard as it must be to put up with him.

ariane5 Tue 09-Jul-13 23:11:35

Yes that was me nkf-glasses broke in jan, I had eye test etc and only picked up new (Well old glasses with new lenses in and frames fixed) 3 weeks ago as didn't have the money till then!

We have a council house but when dh moved in I deceded not to make it a joint tenancy and so he is just down as living here but the tenancy is in my name. I can swap/transfer if I want to.
Dh is still here, we havnt spoken. He has been at work till very late today and yesterday. He has slept downstairs and I've told him to look for somewhere to live but made it clear I will still need help with dcs and that involves him driving them to school each morning, helping with any medical appts, having contact at weekends and paying maintenence.

Shylepite Tue 09-Jul-13 23:32:53

Every thread of yours I have read has had me shock at what a child he is! I'm sorry you're having such a shit time atm but things will be a million times better when this waste of space is out of your life x

Jux Tue 09-Jul-13 23:36:53

Good luck, ariane. I have read a couple of your old threads and I'm completely horrified by what you have to put up with in the children's father. It's not like you're being supoer-human already, but with him on top......

At least you won't have to bother about mil at all after he's gone.

wispa31 Wed 10-Jul-13 01:01:11

what the actual fucking fuck!?! you poor woman! havent read any of your other threads but jesus christ! what a total fucknugget he is!! get rid asap!! how the fuck is your daily bath a 'luxury' that then equates to a 10 day jolly while you are left with 4 ill kiddies??
get him out to fuck!

wispa31 Wed 10-Jul-13 01:01:56

shit i said fuck alot in that post! oops!

Eliza22 Wed 10-Jul-13 08:49:14

Ariane5, love, you're life is going to get so much better now that you've made your decision. I don't know you but, I salute you! thanks

Eliza22 Wed 10-Jul-13 08:51:49

Wispa I don't think you've used excessive "fuckery". A few "c" and "t" words wouldn't have gone amiss but, I'll not say them out loud this early in the morning (dc's sat next to me!) smile

wispa31 Wed 10-Jul-13 10:36:51

eliza - lol, i was very cross after reading this thread! he is a cunt of the highest order and i really hope ariane gets the support she needs to ltb!

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