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Anyone remember me?

(86 Posts)
MummyIsMagic79 Fri 05-Jul-13 00:07:27

I can't link to my old thread. H had affair while I was pregnant and life-threateningly ill. 8 months on still horrific. Can't live. Hate everything. So so so sad. I'm sorry to moan.

TheConstantLurker Sat 06-Jul-13 13:00:00

Sounds to me as if you are simply going through a process which you hope will end up with your marriage stabilising. You say things are getting better, easier but it would be totally expected imo for you to have days/weeks/months when you are in agony again. Similarly your husband is working his way through and at times has difficulties.
When he makes his crass comments in future remind him forcibly that you are entitled to take as damn long as it takes, forever even and he has to eat that shit!
Agree that moving school would be better.
Good luck op. I'm sure you are showing your children a great example and don't let any fucker tell you differently.

MadAboutHotChoc Sat 06-Jul-13 18:57:24

Skye - The more one is able to process their feelings, the quicker they are able to let go. Sweeping things under the carpet and pretending it never happened is unlikely to work in the long term.

FeegleFion Sat 06-Jul-13 19:23:30

I think both Mad and Skye have very valid points.

Each time I read one or the others' responses I'm convinced more that, in fact, you are both right.

This is only going to go away when the OP has worked through her own feelings of betrayal and when her DH has proven to her that he is doing all he can to win her trust and her heart back, but the marriage will fester and die, if the OP can't begin to move forward and see a time when she can draw a line under it.

I have no idea how long that will take but for her own well being and self esteem, she must work on letting herself heal to be free of the torture of the betrayal.

In essence, there's a lot of work to be done by both to heal the marriage. If both are committed, I'm sure it can work.

MummyIsMagic79 Sat 06-Jul-13 20:59:30

Thank you again everyone. Been out at a l

MummyIsMagic79 Sat 06-Jul-13 20:59:53

Tut!

Been out at a k

MummyIsMagic79 Sat 06-Jul-13 21:00:55

FFS! Too much sun! Been out all day, just reading replies now.

OW is a HCP who works with pregnant and new mothers. City wide expert. I may have just outed myself.

MadAboutHotChoc Sat 06-Jul-13 21:42:22

Feegle - I also think much will depend on the circumstances surrounding the affair (e.g length of affair, was it during a pregnancy, how did he treat betrayed party, who was OW etc).

In OP's case, because she was pregnant and had a life threatening illness, she will find it very hard to come to terms with it. I don't really know if she ever will as I don't get the impression her H is doing enough to help her recover.

PeppermintPasty Sat 06-Jul-13 22:48:53

Frankly, from my very personal point of view, it has taken years and years for me to deal with my partner's betrayal.

It's around 7 years ago and we stayed together(after a prolonged period apart). Some things he did I will actually never talk about on here, they were so appalling.

It's been hard hard work, on both sides.

The point in my posting is to tell you about the time it took me, and actually, to say that if I'm honest, it still affects me, and us. At the moment, and probably for the last year or so, I've been struggling with trust issues. Nothing to do with betrayal, just trust over supposedly everyday issues in our relationship.

And this, I've come to understand, is the legacy of his betrayal. Without that betrayal being directly linked to things we're going through in the here and now (by that, I mean I have genuinely forgiven him), it in fact colours all issues that come up relating to trust.

It's very very hard to deal with. One day I may even start a thread about it ho ho.

I can't read this back as I'm on my phone and it won't let me, I'm not at all convinced it makes sense.

comingintomyown Sun 07-Jul-13 07:01:58

I would ask your husband to move out for a while , if finances permit take a 6 month rental somewhere nearby so he can still be close to the DC

I think the detail of his affair ie with a friend and while you were pregnant is what I wouldnt be able to get past

PeppermintPasty Sun 07-Jul-13 08:05:07

I forgot to add that one thing my dp hasn't done, is expect me to shut up about it. If it ever comes up now, it's in a historical sense in context, depending on what we're talking about. He knows he has to suck up whatever I throw at him.
8 months is no time at all.

MollyMollyMolly Thu 11-Jul-13 14:11:08

Op....this is your marriage and you can get all the opinions you want, but at the end its you and your relationship and if you want it to work and believe that you both have enough love left then you should do it. grin

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