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Help Me overcome Hatred

(57 Posts)
buthow Wed 03-Jul-13 15:02:29

Hello Everyone

im sorry if this is long and please no offence

Ever since I was left by my BD I hate men so much I feel they are all the same. Every time someone stops me or asks for my number I feel disgust. My friend and I had a terrible argument the other time when I was telling her not to trust her bf because they are all the same. i was pissed at the fact that she saw what happened to me but continued to have unprotected sex with her bf i thought somehow she would learn from my mistake. i know it was wrong and I know there are some good guys out there but I feel most of the population of men are selfish and evil. they leave women suffering with kids abandon pregnancies and move on with no guilt just deny and walk away. the few good men out there are clouded by the bad men . if there is someone married trace their life its eighther he is cheating or abusive. truly I have hatred in me I hate the man who made me have an abortion once and now I hate the man who got me pregnant and left I wish I could only hate these two men but its growing to all the men I see users liars cheaters. I have to change I know but right now I feel forgiveness is so far from me

How do I cope?How do I stop hating every other men and jus focus on hating the bustard who left me. no offence to men please and all the ladies who are happy with good men out there I jus wish I could change the way I look at men but if they are not benefiting something they will be cruel. There is one time some gal was stranded with transport and got a lift from a man way older than her easy enough to trust but when he picked her he wanted her to pay for the ride through sex. I mean really couldn't he just help her with transport and not ask for sex. I feel like there is no men who can help a woman out of the kindness of his heart if he is doing something somehow its benefitting him. am I damaged

Ebullient Sun 07-Jul-13 21:53:06

I guess all I was saying was it's easy to judge and label. To understand is hard. But if you try and succeed, this will be your cure. Understanding is part of forgiveness; forgiveness brings peace and clears away hatred.

PoundlandClareRayner Sun 07-Jul-13 22:02:13

Ebullient, I am struggling to understand why you posted that on this thread

In order to demonstrate our "understanding" of what makes a man become abusive, we have to make excuses for it, to find a way to live with it, to "get past" it and heal that hurt little boy ?

You realise you are describing a damaging co-dependent relationship, don't you ?

Anybody that is damaged by their upbringing has a personal responsibility to not perpetuate the cycle. Another person cannot "save" you from it. You have to save yourself. Excusing, minimising and extending "understanding" seeks only to damage further generations.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 07-Jul-13 22:05:15

Rapists are violent sexual criminals that target women and that's all the understanding these evil bastards deserve. I don't give a flying fart whether they've had a tough childhood and they're weak-willed .... they should be off the streets and behind bars where they can't harm women ever again. This one uses his 'godly' image to lure in women and assault them. Bet it's not the first time...

Ebullient Sun 07-Jul-13 22:21:55

PoundlandClareRayner,

I understand what you're saying.

"Excusing, minimising and extending "understanding" seeks only to damage further generations" - understanding is the key if we seek relief from hatred. This was the initial request, wasn't it?

Understanding is not the same as putting up with destructive behaviour and consequences for the society of those incapable to take 'personal responsibility'. To attempt to resolve it, a lot of help needs to be given to young girls who are to become mothers to have a better chance of bringing up society-beneficial children. Many other things are necessary such as functioning court system, access to education and jobs.

Lweji Sun 07-Jul-13 22:24:12

Do you hate this man or that nothing got done and he hasn't been punished?

In truth, I don't hate exH, although he has been very nasty to me.
I just want him to leave me alone.

Your wish that this man is punished is well justified, meaning that it stems from a sense of justice, not hate as such.

I really urge you to report him. I think it may give you some peace, even if he gets away.
It may help prevent him from raping other women.

And I'd think very carefully about staying in a congregation that protects men such as these.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 07-Jul-13 22:26:36

"help needs to be given to young girls who are to become mothers to have a better chance of bringing up society-beneficial children."

And now it's women's fault that men are sexually violent offenders?.... I think you should stop digging that hole now.

PoundlandClareRayner Sun 07-Jul-13 23:32:48

Ebullient, just mothers is it that are responsible for the upbringing of their children ?

How about educating young men not to rape?

Could that work, or is it not their fault ?

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