I can?t believe I am posting this here. It is out of sheer desperation.
My original post is here. I really appreciate that most people did not flame me on that thread, and were in fact hugely helpful.
I found out that I am pregnant not long after posting that. It is definitely the OM?s, as I haven?t had sex with my husband for months. I went into a complete panic. Spoke to BPAS, saw someone the following day and got the ball rolling for a termination. I was in complete shock and did not handle this situation well, I know. I was changing my mind from minute to minute about what to do ? tell the OM / don?t tell him, tell DH / don?t tell him. I asked to meet the OM (via text) to discuss ?something important? and he agreed, only to cancel the following morning. He called to say he needs to work on his marriage and doesn?t want to see me again etc. I was art work, about to go in to a meeting, and had to put the phone down on him, as felt I was going to cry and say something I would regret. I called him later to see if we could talk and he ignored my calls. I thentexted him to tell him my ?news?, but had no reply. Stupid texts, I dont know why I did that. i was all over the place. Cue several hysterical texts from me over the next 24 hours asking him if he thought it was fair that I should handle this alone etc? I don?t know what I wanted or expected him to do. he has proved himself to be a complete bastard.
Over the weekend, I completely lost it. Texted him a few times begging him to at least discuss it with me. Eventually, I received a reply saying ?you are obviously on the warpath and I don?t want to argue with you?. That was it. I just totally lost it, tried to call him, got no reply. Then texted his wife and told her. I don't know why. Out of spite , possibly. Desperation? I know it was stupid and immature and I do not know what came over me.
My emotions are a complete mess. I have heard nothing from either of them, anyway, so it was a pointless exercise. I have a gut feeling that he does not believe me. This is what hurts most. That, and the fact that I will now have to pay for and go through with a termination totally alone. I am also sick with guilt over keeping this from my husband, but cannot imagine how hurt he will be if I tell him. It is a complete mess, of my own making I know. I am just filled with rage at him, at myself, and terrible grief already, without even going through with the abortion.
I have a termination (by tablet) booked for Friday, and then have to go back for the second lot of pills on Monday. I have a counselling appointment with Relate (alone) tonight, that I booked before I found out I was pregnant. I have an incredibly heavy week at work this week. I feel like I am going to fall apart. But I can?t. I need to gather my strength and face this and do the right (or best) thing. I just need some kind of advice or some wise words from some stronger, better women right now, as I feel I am a complete fraud and no longer trust my own judgement.
I suppose if anyone is looking for a story that will put you off having an affair ? this is it. It?s a complete joke. I regret everything. All of it.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
End of Affair - update
HeyFeverrr · 01/07/2013 11:04
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