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He just disappeared after 6 months........I feel such a plonker

(174 Posts)
Pinkdaisy4 Wed 26-Jun-13 22:35:46

Been with 'd'p for around 6 months. Very passionate and intense relationship then two weeks ago, he texted in the morning to say " morning gorgeous, I love you and miss you so much. I texted back on his normal number but came up unobtainable.

He lives about 40 miles away, difficult to just pop round as have a toddler and I work pt. I tried calling his mobile but still " the number you have called has not been recognised" I left a message on his landline but nothing. This was two weeks ago and haven't heard anything.

I feel such a plonker and I'd lent him money too. I was just another notch sad

Just wanted a rant.....we had a termination in April this yr as condom split and failed MAP . I just feel so angry....with everything sad I've been used big time sad

Buzzardbird Sat 06-Jul-13 09:46:00

I would be so tempted to pretend I couldn't remember who they were...to all the posters who said their absconded partners came back.
I would imagine that would injure their self-inflated egos the most.

Samu2 Fri 05-Jul-13 22:02:57

My mum had a very intense relationship with a man who we all loved. He seemed amazing and then one morning he wrote a note telling my mum that he loves her then he ran off.

Two years later he came back with no explanation..

I would forget the money OP. It isn't worth the hassle, just focus on moving on and getting stronger so you aren't tempted to take the bastard back if he comes crawling.

Jan45 Fri 05-Jul-13 15:33:12

You are no plonker, you are a nice person, him on the other hand is scum, you are well rid.

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat Fri 05-Jul-13 15:13:06

Pink flowers flowers flowers

(And Waddle flowers)

MeredithSwadkins Mon 01-Jul-13 07:29:37

It happens to the best of us - a learning experience - you won't get caught again.

Mine contacted me a few month later to check I was okay confused prat

seaofyou Mon 01-Jul-13 00:20:34

Lying I said it because after being in one of those professions for over 20 years I have never seen so many affairs/one night stands one place over 50% of staff were shagging someone else at some point! One local club is known as a knocking shop for one of the professions too.
The computer science one is just personal exp of both men very nasty/cold etc and yes paramedics have a terrible name re relationships. Why? Because they earn't it! And yes I am aware it only takes a few...but a few too many just tars the rest sadly!

AnyFucker Sun 30-Jun-13 22:34:53

You sound ok. Hold on to the anger, but hold on to your dignity

If he ever comes sniffing around again, please come to MN first so we can help you frame your response smile

Don't just poo-poo that idea. He may well turn up again, like a proverbial bad penny, thinking you will be grateful for any crumbs he will give you.

Pinkdaisy4 Sun 30-Jun-13 22:16:09

AF thank yousmile

No, I haven't been to his house or tried calling. I thought of writing him a letter but no......it won't register with him . He won't think he's done anything wrong and make me out to be a stalker or something!

I swing between anger and disbelief and wanting revenge but I know I must in reality walk away with dignity and not give that arsehole a second though. He hasn't to me sad

This is horrible OP. I hope you didn't go to his house- as horrible as it is I think that you should leave it. I know the temptation to get closure is strong but don't do it. It will probably give him a kick to know he's got to you. The absolute twat.

AnyFucker Sun 30-Jun-13 16:25:34

Talking about dodgy people being attracted to certain professions...

I heard (on good authority, not going to say any more) that the head of a police child protection unit was eventually sacked. It turned out he had joined the unit and worked his way up through the ranks purely to get access to the worst kinds of child abuse images.

Anyway, have been away for a few days, pink, so am just checking back in to see how you are thanks

missbopeep Sun 30-Jun-13 09:01:50

With respect to anyone who suffers from Tourette's , how can they be a paramedic? Are you sure he was being honest about that even? The behaviour of T's would surely make it hard for someone to work on the front line of medical emergency services?

Pinkdaisy4 Sat 29-Jun-13 20:45:34

makemine he sounds similar / identical to my ex twunt shock

He didn't have Tourette's did he ? Only reason I'm asking as mine did! Too much of a coincidence !

makemineamalibuandpineapple Sat 29-Jun-13 15:14:01

A very similar thing happened to me OP and strangely enough the guy was a paramedic. We had been seeing each other for about 3 months. The last time I saw him, he stayed over at my house and we DTD (sorry if tmi). I woke up at 3am and he had disappeared. Couldn't get hold of him for a week. When I finally did, he dumped me. I certainly feel your pain OP, what a rat.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 29-Jun-13 11:42:27

kittenmittens... well that's a relief then! I can usually pick up sarcasm, clearly not yesterday. Sorry ladies. blush

thefrozensouth Sat 29-Jun-13 01:12:59

I got dumped like this after 5 years - and I'd lent him money too.

Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.

kittenmittens Fri 28-Jun-13 23:29:52

Because clearly we were being serious Lying hmm

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Fri 28-Jun-13 23:11:42

Ohh please... don't start generalising professions with nasty personality traits. That's completely illogical and unfair - not to say more than a little stupid! Why would you do that? confused

Pinkdaisy - you met a bad man. His job is immaterial because there are PLENTY of good, kind, decent paramedics as there are other professions - and some bad apples in EVERY profession.

Pinkdaisy4 Fri 28-Jun-13 22:39:08

myexisaparamedic I love your username . Something we both have in common smile

I don't have any of his stuff sadly. In six months, he had cards etc from me. Aftershave and was never the in a rush to get his wallet out when we went out. Did I get anything for my birthday ( post money incident) No!

Cruel , sociopathic arse.

Pinkdaisy4 Fri 28-Jun-13 22:33:14

sea im a nurse ....we're not all bad confused . I've never disappeared on anyone / cheated. maybe once aged 16

smile

seaofyou Fri 28-Jun-13 22:09:48

Do not go near paramedics, police, Nurses...anyone from civil service or with Computers Studies Degrees....that possibly covers everyone though! Paramedics are known for it my ex BIL is one. Go for a lower skilled person painter, shop worker etc and they tend to be more grounded as not in a position to abuse their positions

kittenmittens Fri 28-Jun-13 21:35:42

Oh my god. If this thread has taught me one thing, it's to avoid paramedics like the plague.

I hope you get your money back OP, I'm sorry this has happened to you. But like somebody has already suggested, if you don't get it back, consider it £200 well spent on a very valuable lesson.

flowers

BerylStreep Fri 28-Jun-13 21:12:41

Pink, the one I know is in the wrong part of the country, but I do think Lying has a point - they are both jobs in which predators get to play the hero, and also come into contact with vulnerable women.

I am not for a second saying that all paramedics or police officers are sexual predators - I personally know many lovely people in both professions, and it gives me comfort to know that if it comes to light, predatory behaviour is not tolerated and individuals will be dismissed.

Pinkdaisy4 Fri 28-Jun-13 20:57:42

beryl this guy claimed to be in the police before he became a paramedic!!!!!

To everyone who has dodgy paramedic stories.....I'm really worried this is the same guy!

missbopeep Fri 28-Jun-13 19:15:44

IF you decide to try for your money you need to be able to detach yourself once you've filed- you can do it all online anyway so it's dead easy.

But he would be given something like 4 weeks to pay up, then if he doesn't you go to the next stage which costs you a bit more- though you do get all your costs back in the end if the claim is successful. If they don't pay there are a couple of options- one is to send in the bailiffs ( and they take things that can be sold) or he can be asked to pay back weekly and it will be deducted from his salary at source ( or it used to be- I used the SCC for a debt incurred in a car prang by an uninsured idiot, and was paid back that way.)

It might just make him think again about treating women like you so badly but you have to be prepared for the process to take a couple of months- and meanwhile he is in your head.

I'd suggest that if you DO go down that route, have no contact with him other than the legal process, and just don't do or say anything emotional- just detach from it all.

DHtotalnob Fri 28-Jun-13 18:43:00

^ what missbopeep said.

I'd be tempted to do the obvious stuff to get the money back (formal letter, CC action etc) if this is realistic in the circumstances but balanced with whether it's worth your headspace.

Do you know his address? I know you said were googling but he has a common name - was that to do with seeing if he was married etc?

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