Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Off On A Journey Far & Wide, Full Of Support, With No Reasons To Hide.(1000 Posts)
Hey, I'm Mouse, one of the Brave Babes on this Bus.
We're heading to sobriety, in various different ways, in our own different ways, some of us are there, some not quite yet.
We're a group of non judgemental, mothers, wives, partners, sisters, daughters, girlfriends, and of course all of the male equivalents that run alongside those 'tags', but most of all, we are, or we have been, just like YOU. Real people with real concerns about how much we are drinking all of the time.
Our relationships with alcohol are varied, and you'll find most of us are wanting to do something about it..... desperate to stop the cycle of drinking, stopping, drinking, stopping, drinking more, stopping for shorter periods of time and then the reverse, doing ever so well and then 'something' happens and you're back to square one, a place that sometimes gets a little crowded, one little square filled with lots of people who all want out.
You're never alone here. Ever.
Come and take a seat, post or lurk. We won't bite but we WILL look after you, SUPPORT you, if you want us to.
And for those want to know how we've ended up where we are today, about three years on from THIS THREAD RIGHT HERE
To our last thread JUST HERE
It will be lovely to meet you so why not take a seat and have a gossip about all things booze related but also, DCs, husbands, wives, in-laws, out-laws, and everything in between.
There's always a seat for YOU xxx
Mummy Sit down and work out why you are feeling so agitated. Can you do something strenuous to 'work it out'? Go into the kitchen and make something from scratch (it always helps me) like a cake or shepherds pie. If you do have a drink (I assume you mean now?) play the video through to the end. Does that mean you will continue all day and think how that will make you feel tomorrow morning. Ride it out if you can - you will be so pleased you managed it and next time will be easier - (hand holding and )
mummytolucas that craving feeling is horrible, isn't it? I used to imagine that once I had a craving it would just keep on getting worse and worse until I satisfied it (a bit like being hungry or thirsty). But what I found out was that actually a craving for a drink isn't like that - it was a temporary mental state, and if I could get past it, it would actually subside.
So I developed lots of distraction techniques - anything that would get be through the time.
Try it out and see if it works for you. If it does then you're a little step forward for today. If it doesn't then you're still a little step forward. And you already know where having a 'couple' of drinks would lead......
Edinbugger, the trouble is I'm divorced so have no husband breathing down my neck. He used to (with regards to my drinking) and it was one of the reasons we split up. I'm just so tired of circling the drain, then managing to get myself away from it, then slowly slipping back in again (such a powerful metaphor Ladame!)
MrsMiniver - you don't need a husband - you've got us to breathe down your neck! X
Hi to all you lovely babes old and new, I'm sorry I've not been on much , have frankly been in a bit of shock since
Monday's meeting. To those of you that don't know me I went to my GP as I wanted help in managing the anxiety and depression resulting In my bottle of wine nightly habit, it has triggered a chain of events which has left me baffled, I wasn't sure whether to share this Information as I don't want to scare anyone against seeking help but as we are the same boat, this may help... My GP referred me to a mental health team who I visited, they then referred me to an alcohol support team who I also visited and on arrival was breathalysed and had blood and urine checks (they were all clear, was cutting down myself by this stage) then I got social services visiting my home to assess my ability to take care of my girls, also received home visits from alcohol services team, and a phyciatrist. After all these extremely stressful events, I had to attend a social work meeting on Monday!!! There were 7 people there, someone from daughter's school and other daughters nursery, a rep from the police who done an extensive police check on all my family and dh's. I should add that every single check suggested my daughters were thriving, my home spotless and my parenting skills exemplary. All that from a GP visit!!!!' I'm still off the wine, I'm sickened by the journey it had forced me to endure, the one point I really want to stress it that the law has recently changed and it is an offence to consume alcohol while alone with a child, if it affects your ability to deal with ANY emergency. This must make a lot of mums criminals. Anyway I'm in the clear on all counts but this horrendous journey has had a positive effect for me but I worry what it could do to a vulnerable fragile mother, TODAY I WILL NOT DRINK X
Afternoon, tis me, Mouse
Hello to Mummy welcome xxx
IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!! - the law has recently changed and it is an offence to consume alcohol while alone with a child
This is true. 100%. Some of the Babes on this thread may find this out the hard way so please, please take heed of what Baby has shared with us. I used to be a loan parent, I used to drink a bottle of wine alone, with my DD in bed upstairs, safe.
What if there were a fire? Or someone broke in? She woke and fell out of bed, hurting herself, hitting her head and passing out? I would not know if I was passed out pissed. Please think about your babies, your children rely on YOU to keep them safe.
Baby - <<<<squidges>>>> to you. Wow, what a rollercoaster you've had in the last few days sweetheart.
Off to read back a bit and catch up...... xxx
Well done baby you bloody star! What's happening now have SS signed you off?
Is the GP or Alcohol services actually helping you at all? What support have they offered?
I just can't believe it on a bottle a day - how many parents are drinking a bottle a day I wonder? Not condoning it but very surprised at the response
Well done for getting through this and staying away from the wine. How are you feeling in yourself?
Re the law change - has anyone read the thread about leaving DC with MIL overnight who drinks? It really got me thinking about my own parents and whether I was responsible to leave my 4 yo DS with them. Dad drinks 8 cans of beer a day and mum a bottle of wine in the evening. I think he is safe and they are pretty capable (aside from being able to drive anywhere) and I'm not casting aspersions against anyone but wonder what the legal position is and whether it would be considered neglectful? Many people in the thread commented that they would not leave their children with gps drinking....
Mummy How do you mean agitated? Do you think this is a withdrawal symptom? I know Baby's experience is frightening but could you consider going to the GP? Do not ignore withdrawal symptoms if they become severe or frightening as you could need medical attention.
If you think that it is not necessary or don't want to could you get out for a walk or do some gardening to both distract yourself and calm you down? You so wanted to do 10 days honey, you are on day 3 (Well Done!) Sending you some strength through the ether
Oh god, I'm frightened. I went to see alcohol services today, referred myself. I drink a bottle of wine most days when DCs in bed - am I going to get social services visit? I'm a single mum. I'm terrified - i cant lose my children!
I am going to stop drinking.
Baby OMG what a awful time for you. I'm so glad it's over and you can begin to put it behind you. There for the grace of God go so many many parents. I know me, and most of my friends thought nothing of drinking wine once the children were in bed. It was just something you DID at the end of a hard day. So, now it is illegal - well I'm sorry you were the one to test this for everyone, but at least it's out there now. I know it is really for the best and in the best interests of the child, but I can't help but think it's a little Orwellian. Are people going to report friends and family? How will it be 'policed' as such. My dd is grown up now and so I don't really have to worry about this, but for parents with children at home it's another matter entirely. Also I can't help but think it will prevent people from asking for help which is counter-productive. I do believe there are very many people who have problems with alcohol. Even on television, it is normal to see people drinking, in fact many soap operas revolve around a pub, or Mum at home with glass of wine, Mum and friends sharing a bottle - there are many storylines set around drinking, whether as a social comment or to highlight alcoholism. We've seen smoking being phased out of television programmes, will it soon be the same with alcohol? It chills me to think that children could possibly be taken away from a parent seeking help with an extremely addictive and common habit.
Anyway sweetie, I hope you're ok and I'm so glad that you started to cut down before this all started, so that they could see what a brilliant parent you are. It always comes across in your threads and you should be proud of yourself. from me x
Buddy - calm down.
Self referral is GOOD.
You have admitted your problems and sought help on your own. Social Services are often painted in a very bad light but you need to take a step back.
Your children aren't going anywhere unless you are not fit to care for them and by that I am talking you don't feed them, they fend for themselves, are at risk of hurting themselves because you let then run riot around the streets at all hours, they terrorise everyone they meet, they are malnutritioned, they are not at school when they should be because your too pissed to take them and you leave them out in the cold.
IF and t's a big IF they do get involved, they may interview you or your children but you are jumping the gun unless there's something you're not telling us? They may talk to school or your GP. They may want to know if you are okay and of they can HELP YOU in any way.
Why worry if you are a good mum? Yes, there's a thread about it atm on here, but is that you? Are you that family?
Do you think that you're putting your kids at risk?
Please, don't be scared of something that hasn't even been mentioned to you.
SS can be a wonderful source of support for thousands of families every single day but more often than not, we only hear about the bad stuff, because that's what sells newpapers and makes people money.
Thanks Mouse. I'm a good mum - glowing school reports just came home this week, happy and healthy children. I drink when they are in bed which makes me feel guilty as I know I shouldn't. I've tried to stop but keep going back to the habit so I went to get help. They took the DCs names and said they would only contact social services if it was felt there was a risk. I am keeping everything crossed this will be ok - my DCs mean everything to me.
I am currently scrubbing the kitchen floor just in case social services suddenly appear!
In some respects this terror I'm experiencing is a good thing - I am finally seeing what I have at stake here and that bottle of wine is certainly not worth the risk.
Day 1 - I am determined not to drink ever again.
Baby - I second what Dame has said, you have been through the mill BIG TIME and it has been proved (although I didn't think that you needed to) that you are a wonderful mother, dedicated, loving, caring and so fabulous!
Give yourself a break please sweets. You did nothing wrong, all the reports have shown that. How would you know that having a drink (or too many drinks) in your own home, behind closed doors would lead to this?
You still have your DC with you. In your home, your arms and this has been incredibly hard for you to get through alone. But I also know that you would cross fire and ice for your DC, so you did what you had to do and now, well, now you can stop worrying so much (I know that you'll feel they are still watching you for a while yet ) and move forward.
You are fab, you know that? And can I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing all of this with us? I've learnt alot from reading your posts and from your very candid honesty.
Thank you Baby - you are the Bravest Babe I know xxx
Buddy - I think a lot of the SS impression that are set in our minds come from tv drama's or soaps where the worst case senario is always played out.
Can I ask how old your children are? I promise you that if you make it through today, if you make this your day 1, then tomorrow will be your day 2 and you'll feel much better about life.
I've had some personal experience with a dear friend having her children taking into care because she drank, it was a while ago now but the pain she experienced was horrific. She was randomly checked - urine samples etc - they were taken far away from her so she could 'bump into them'.
It was horrific.
But that was her life and her circumstances. We're all different. We all do things we maybe shouldn't of at least have done in the past.....
Thing is, you can't go back but you can go forward. Every single day is a new day
It's so easy just to slip into thinking, it's okay it's just a few glasses of wine of an evening, everybody does it. But looking at the quiz I posted, the health effects and effects on our children it's not okay is it? We are kidding ourselves. I'm sorry don't want to scaremonger but do think facing up to hard facts is good for me, hope I'm not putting anyone off the thread. Have decided I am not going to let DS stay overnight with GPs anymore ( he's only ever done about 3 times)
My DCs are 7 and 5. They are at their dad's tonight and I am literally shaking with fear. I thought I was doing the right thing in going to get help but now it feels like a huge mistake! I cannot risk losing my DCs.
Today is my day 1 - my children are my world and I will not lose them to a bottle of wine!
Green, you're right. It's crept up on me this last year - one or two glasses has turned into a bottle most nights of the week.
Buddy I wish I could make you feel better. I'm certain you will be okay. You will NOT lose your children. You have done a brave and responsible thing going to alcohol services.
I'm wondering if a man turned up to the GPs saying he was drinking a bottle of wine a night he'd be referred to social services. I doubt it. Mother blaming is all too common in our society, sometimes we are viewed simply as vessels for our children and not people in our own right.
Some really sobering stuff on here tonight and a lot of food for thought.
I'm so sorry I don't have time to NC but just wanted to check in and say it is possible with the help of the bus babes to achieve things you never thought possible, whether that is one day alcohol free, giving up alcohol for good or getting some control back over your drinking. The help is there for anyone, you just have to make the choice to take it.
It is SO tough but it is doable.
Day ten for me, feeling so much calmer and more rested. I never thought I would make 10 days again this side of January (I always do dry January) but I have and if I can then any of us can.
I also think that the GP response is really variable (still, despite any change in the law) and there are people who gather up all their bravery and go to their GP and speak honestly about their drinking (expecting and hoping for some help and support) only for their GP to dismiss them with an offhand comment saying something like "well cut down a little and have at least 2 alcohol free nights per week" - yeah, if it was as easy as that....
baby it is so terrible that you have had such a harsh response. I hope that the help and support is equally as strong.
buddy don't worry you've nothing to fear, in my case they were being overly enthusiastic about all their new rules, I'm in Scotland and I'm certain my experience was a rare one and no one every turned up unannounced. At the meeting I sensed they all realised it was all a bit silly, please don't worry, in the end up no action was taken, mums like us are not the ones they're after, rest easy my friend, I'm not worried for you at all, in hindsight the whole thing was all a bit theatrical and silly. Thanks to everyone for all your support and its kept me off the sauce, its all good x x x
Evening all - so glad I decided to stop drinking. So scared of the damage I have done to myself . just hoping I am undoing some of it now !!
Babes o. Here - Baby and Buddy you at brave . And great mum .
All the stories on here make me stronger - love to you all
On the way to week 10 for me .
Ladies - thank you so much for your support. I feel much calmer now and I haven't even had a drop of wine!
Baby, I can't believe they out you through all that and pray it won't happen to me. But if it does I will be ready for it, armed with glowing school reports and a tidy home!
It would be crazy to punish me for seeking help, surely? I decided to get help before things spiralled out if control, I could see my alcohol intake was growing and I'm getting help before it becomes a problem.
This has been a huge wake up call for me. I am going to do this, no more evil booze, no more hangovers. I will probably be leaning on you all for support a fair bit and hope I can help others too.
babyj well done you on staying strong through such a tough time. I hope things get easier for you now.
venus you're right, the response from GPs is very variable - mine just suggested I only drink at weekends! No referral or support or advice.
Lean away Buddy, that's what we're here for. It's easy to get complacent about drinking if it's not a massive problem. It's easy to let those amounts or the frequency creep up. But on this bus we are all aware of it, we're talking about and we are facing up to it. We rock!!
Morning. Back to square one for me. I ended up giving in on day 3 Regretted it as soon as I had a drink, but feeling stronger again now. Good idea about distracting myself by doing some cooking, DS will be pleased when he sees the flapjacks and brownies I plan on baking today!
Have a lovely day everyone
This thread is not accepting new messages.
Please login first.