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Should I move on from this relationship?

19 replies

GroundHogDayAgain · 23/06/2013 16:57

Hi there.
I'm hoping I may get some help and a good kick on the backside here because I'm pretty sure I'm being a moron.

I posted a couple of months ago about problems I was having in my marriage etc. and about the om.

Anyway. After a lot of great advice on here, I finally left my dh. I'm now living on my own with my two dcs in a rented house.

I have days where I think what the hell have I done. I should have stayed and maybe we could have worked things out.

But I love the om. Really really love him. Our relationship is great, in terms of we get on, we have loads in common. The attraction is strong and there's just something about him I can't describe. He makes me feel amazing.

But the last few weeks I've been having major insecurity issues. I keep questioning him about stuff and where he's going. For those of you who didn't read my post last time, he told me a few months ago that he was married and living with his wife and Dc up until a year or two ago. He had initially told me he was single then separated. I stupidly believed him. Nobody in our firm of over 70staff realised he was married. We all thought he was single.

Anyway, we talked about getting married in the future etc. but he's still married to his wife. The kind of things he says to me gives me the impression that he will never divorce her. She does not want to divorce him. They have been separated for a while now.

The major problem he has is he is totally dominated and controlled by his parents. He was physically and emotionally abused by his dad as a child. Now as an adult they still have a major hold over him. They were hugely responsible for the breakdown of his marriage. He is 35yrs old yet is scared of his dad.

He has moved in with his parents the past 5/6weeks as his wife wanted to move back into their house.
I've noticed a big change in him since he's moved back. He has become distant and is generally detached from me

The other day we had a huge row about his parents. He said he wasn't sure he would be able to support me or stick up for me if his parents said anything horrible to me or the kids. He said he couldn't talk back to his dad.

I find this unacceptable. That my future husband/partner would not defend me or stand up for me. It's the dcs I worry more about. They need someone who is strong and will protect them. They see their dad regularly but if om will be their step dad, then he needs to take on some responsibility too.

I'm in a business with him and we are tied up in a few other projects together too.

I rely on him alot for so many things. But I really get the impression that I'm on a road to nowhere fast with him. I know he loves me and he wants to be with me but I don't think he's got it in him to do it. His parents will never agree to him marrying me. They will never accept us. And I don't think he will make the choice between me or them.

I honestly feel pathetic even writing this. I'm an intelligent person, I've got a good career, I'm pretty independent. So why can't I let him go? Why can't I say to him sort your life out, decide what you want to do? He says he doesn't know how to divorce his wife as he doesn't want to hurt her but he's going to have to if he wants a future with me. They have been separated for almost 1.5 years. There's also the trust issue, the fact that he lied to me from the beginning about his marriage.

Should I stay with him and work together and hope things will eventually work out for us?
Or should I cut my losses now, get what I can out of the business and plan my exit?

Thanks for reading if you got to the end, would really appreciate some advice x

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TurnipCake · 23/06/2013 17:04

I'd cut your losses OP, because this man isn't going to be a future stepfather to your children, nor a future husband to you, and deep down you know this. He isn't going to divorce his wife, is throwing a fuckton of excuses at you and lied from the start. He ain't worth it.