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oooh i feel ridiculous

(442 Posts)
ImNotBloody14 Fri 21-Jun-13 20:21:41

So silly. I'm a NCing regular. and a real proper grown up, I swear

I fancy someone. But I cant get up the guts to let him know or even to contact him. I've added him on FB (it's taken me months to build up to that) and he accepted. he's liked a few of my posts and a photo. I keep seeing him online (butterflies) and want to make contact but cant think of anything to say that isn't a blatant excuse to get talking to him. AFAIK he's single- well it says so on his FB.

arrgh this is so frustrating. if this was my best friend she would be chatting away to him no problem.

don't know what i'm posting for- just need to get this out of my head.

DiaryOfAWimpyMum Fri 26-Jul-13 14:53:41

His loss OP!!

Try get a babysitter and go on a few nights out. I'm sure that's where the single men are to be found grin

Or I might take a tip from Millionaire Matchmaker and start dressing nicely and sitting alone in bars in Edinburgh around 3/4pm ish. hmm

ImNotBloody14 Fri 02-Aug-13 15:42:55

Just an update

He texted last night asking how i was. I asked him why he'd dropped contact- he said he got scared, felt like we were heading for a relationship and that he couldnt face a relationship. I told him he should have been upfront rather than just leaving me guessing and he agreed that was shit of him.

Numberlock Fri 02-Aug-13 16:36:07

I'm glad you got to say your piece. Did he suggest meeting up?

ImNotBloody14 Fri 02-Aug-13 16:41:37

No i just left it at that- he asked what i'd been up to and if i enjoyed our meal?? ( why bother asking 3 weeks later?) but i just answered with short answers as if i wasnt interested in chatting and i think he got the message. Im glad i got to say it too.

Numberlock Fri 02-Aug-13 18:56:21

I know people say you should maintain a dignified silence but I'm a firm believer that sometimes people need telling when they're acting like a twat.

Good on yer OP, have a nice weekend.

ImNotBloody14 Fri 02-Aug-13 19:02:27

Yes i agree numberlock- sometimes it just needs to be said. Thanks, you too smile

DryCounty79 Fri 02-Aug-13 21:58:32

I only found this thread this evening, and reading it I've been on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster!

I'm so sorry it didn't work out how you wanted it I'mNot. I have my fingers firmly crossed that you will meet a decent guy that wants a relationship soon. Best of luck.

ImNotBloody14 Fri 02-Aug-13 23:13:48

Thank you drycounty. It seems really weird reading those first few pages again- all that excitement and now nothing. Ah well, at least it got me back in the saddle- just need to find a new horse now grin

bestsonever Sat 03-Aug-13 13:06:04

Someone with a bit more maturity perhaps next time? 21 yr old lads are highly likely to be scared by a woman with DC's as not much more than boys themselves at that age (some, not all, there's always exceptions, but it's a risk).

ImNotBloody14 Sat 03-Aug-13 13:20:32

I agree best.

This one had me convinced he was far more mature. He has his own house ( mortgaged) and a lodger, a really responsible job, he volunteers with different organisations ( that's how i know him) and his attitude seemed far more mature than even me tbh.

deliasmithy Tue 06-Aug-13 12:07:59

Hey Not14,

Only just caught up with last 2 weeks developments.

Sorry to hear it didn't work out. I would say this:
I hope you don't let the ending ruin the memories of the fun you had. Fact is, you approached someone you liked and they liked you back. Take that increased confidence forward for the next time.

The signals thing - perhaps the early dates gave a different impression, but then his behaviour of texting all the time, seeing you lots etc did not indicate he wanted to be casual. He can't behave in an intense way to someone and then not expect the other person to reciprocate this. At least he acknowledged his emotional immaturity and didn't string you along for weeks.

Other people jumping from one relationship to another - I wouldn't say that means those people are better at finding good relationships. Indeed it smacks of being dependant, and someone being willing to compromise relationship quality in order to be in one.

I hope you have new adventures soon OP xx

ImNotBloody14 Tue 06-Aug-13 12:54:48

thank you delia

I feel much better about the whole thing now, I think since I was able to tell him I was pissed off. i'm not bothered now, I think he just got excited at the thought of someone interested in him and didn't stop to think what I might want so went with it until he realised I wanted more than he did. it's sorted now, we've clarified it and gone our separate ways. it has knocked my confidence a bit in that i'm not so sure that me approaching men or making the first move is the right thing for me, but maybe it was just wrong with this one? we cant get it right every time, right?

anyway, onwards and upwards- there are loads of nice men out there, somewhere- i'll find one eventually.

deliasmithy Tue 06-Aug-13 13:13:36

Oh please don't let it knock your confidence!

There are lots of good ones, some shy and some not. Anyway there's probably a nice medium between waiting for the hoards to come knocking, and putting yourself forward.

Xx

ImNotBloody14 Tue 06-Aug-13 13:25:04

yep- you're most probably right- it's just a temporary feeling. i'll get past it. cant say I'll be running up to lots of men any time soon but i'm sure i'll get the confidence back. at the minute i'm happy just to watch them all from a distance grin

DryCounty79 Wed 07-Aug-13 12:53:44

I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but I didn't get with my 'Mr Right' (sorry, horrible phrase IMO) until I was 33. Specifically, 10 months ago.
I've had relationships in the past, but they never lasted more than about 3 months. My longest relationship was an on-off affair with a married man, although I didn't actually know he was married until quite late into the relationship. I spent a total of about 18 months with him over the course of 10 years. (He did divorce her between me finding out and dumping him and us getting back together, I didn't continue the relationship once I knew).
My fella now is someone I work in the same building with. I'd liked him from afar for ages but didn't think he'd noticed I existed. Turns out he'd been feeling the same way about me for about a year!
So, my actual point is - there are nice men out there, you just haven't met your one yet. It took me a long time to realize that I was actually ok, or even good, on my own. I'd accepted life as a single Mum, and was relatively happy. I became confident in myself as a person. A year later, I found my man, although I wasn't looking.
Don't give up hope. Just enjoy your life as it is now, and things will fall into place.

Sorry if I sound smug at all, I don't mean to. Just want you to know that if it happened to a short, fat, boring, ugly mum like me, it can happen to anyone smile.

ImNotBloody14 Wed 07-Aug-13 12:58:35

you don't sound smug at all- it does help to hear positive stories. you are right that i need to realise that i'm complete on my own and don't need to be with anyone else. I've only spent 2 years of my adult/parenting life in a relationship- the rest has all been on my own so i don't know why i still think i need to be with someone as i have been doing fine without this liong.

thistlelicker Sun 11-Aug-13 00:38:01

Sorry to hear its fizzled!!! X

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