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Rebuilding trust, then this . .

(112 Posts)
Moreofthesame Fri 21-Jun-13 06:33:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moreofthesame Fri 21-Jun-13 20:39:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

learnasyougo Fri 21-Jun-13 20:40:48

I should add that the backbone didn't appear overnight. I made two attempts at leaving before actually doing it. I borrowed money to buy a ticket home, but once he'd talked me into staying, the airline refunded only 75% of the ticket. He said: "give me the money and I'll make up the 25% shortfall to pay it back".

I chased it up over months but he kept saying he would party soon. It was only after I left (borrowing money again for a flight home) he admitted he'd used the money to buy new tyres for his car angry .

karma visited him though. The biggest serious relationship he had after I left ended when he discovered via facebook she had repeatedly cheated on him. Schadenfreude.grin

GirlWiththeLionHeart Fri 21-Jun-13 20:41:53

Stay strong.

Have you tried to find his profile? I would want to see it before confronting him. He will try and say he was just looking (insert lame excuse) but if you have his profile infront of you he can't really say shit, can he

Ahhhcrap Fri 21-Jun-13 20:43:21

Good luck OP

Moreofthesame Fri 21-Jun-13 20:44:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ageofgrandillusion Fri 21-Jun-13 21:06:53

If you love him so much OP maybe this is your lot in life and you will have to share him with others?

tessa6 Fri 21-Jun-13 21:12:40

More, love should be our servant not our master.

Of course you haven't loved anyone like you've loved him. You've forgiven him huge huge betrayals of you. When we invest so much in someone we push our emotional state to reflect and make sense of that investment. If you had done all that and trust this man and you DIDN'T really really love him, well, what on earth would that make you?

If you'v already told him what you've found he's going to be primed and prepared so there's little you can learn. It's possible he's genuinely appalled and sorry and you are so vulnerable and lonely feeling right now you will be searching for desperate comfort from the very person who has hurt you.

Stay independent and detached from him, OP. Have the conversation we discussed having. Fuck 'love' and all the desperate, volatile stuff he's going tobe trying to bring out in you. Was he thinking about his love for you when he idly searched for women he could sleep with on the side on your anniversay.

FlatCapAndAWhippet Fri 21-Jun-13 21:58:56

Just sat down after a busy and long day, I thought of you. Good luck. smile

GirlWiththeLionHeart Sat 22-Jun-13 14:52:47

How are you op?

lemonstartree Sun 23-Jun-13 00:05:43

I really hope you are ok OP

maleview70 Sun 23-Jun-13 10:26:25

If you don't want it to end then you will have to have a discussion about having an open relationship but one where you Both have the option to see other people. He isn't too g to change so you either leave him or accept him for what he is. There is no other choice.

onefewernow Sun 23-Jun-13 15:11:52

Maleview, fair point, but find me the affair haver who is willing to go along with it! They never do.

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