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I believe in my instinct re DH is lying....

(77 Posts)
rincereuserecycle Wed 19-Jun-13 13:00:23

My gut is screaming at me and I hope you can help

Bit of background, 6mtsh ago I found texts on my DH phone of a sexual nature to and from an OW, cue big argument ,DH protested stupidity on his side nothing serious to it ,nothing like that ever happened before (so he said), he said that it was harmless and would never happen again. OW has since moved abroad.

At that time I reacted to quickly and did not have all my cards and he was able to delete everything before I saw full history.

Present day, my gut is screaming at me that there is more and I need to try to find out or I will go insane, well maybe not but you get my drift.

He has an Ipnone which I never get to and I don’t have one so not sure if I can even know how to use it.

Since then I have become very distrustful of him and I now believe he can lie so easily.

He says that he has no email account, this I do not believe as he is very knowledgeable IT wise, so I will come to my point and ask for your help to see if there is there any way for me to find if he has a secrete email account, I am not very technical so I would need your help with this.

We joint use the home desktop which he clears history regularly, any tips on what I should be looking for,I would be most grateful.

I know you will say that if the trust is gone than everything is gone, you are probably right but I will not be made a fool of and I have to believe in what I feel.

If I have left anything out I will answer all your questions.
thanks all.

sweetness86 Tue 25-Jun-13 21:14:09

Sorry read the thread sad men are such wankers hope your ok op?

sweetness86 Tue 25-Jun-13 20:58:07

He's hiding something trust your instinct I checked my husbands an found stuff i didn't like something told me to check.
Check his phone this will eat away at you

Locketjuice Tue 25-Jun-13 20:33:15

op?

Locketjuice Fri 21-Jun-13 23:08:54

How's things x

qme Fri 21-Jun-13 18:08:45

would it be at all possible to rent out one room to get some income from it?

Lavenderhoney Fri 21-Jun-13 16:29:47

Does he know you know? And are you going to tell him you know?

Would he leave if you asked him? And are you absolutely sure its over between you and you want to divorce as then you can make a plan.

- see a solicitor for your free first session or more than one for how it stands with the house and how to split up
- cab for advice
- I'm sure I have seen on mn recently a link to a benefits calculator and I can't link on my iPad but you could google it.
- start to sort all revelant paperwork.

Take care of yourself too

lovesfastcars Fri 21-Jun-13 11:10:53

I am so sorry this has happened to you. I know only too well the barrage of emotions you are describing. I remember sitting alone downstairs for hours in the middle of the night quite literally in shock, barely able to think, breathe, move, heart racing etc. It really was incredibly hard and traumatic.

I know it's really hard, but now is the time to be really kind and gentle with yourself while you begin processing all of this. Very baby steps indeed. Everything is all about you now, you and your children.
Take some time to just get through the next few days/ weeks initially. Does he know you have found out yet?
Don't feel under any pressure to make any decisions about anything yet, all in good time. I found it much easier to cope after confiding in a trusted friend, and asking him to leave while I tried to get my head round all the hideousness.
Do you have anyone in RL who you can trust and get support from? Can you maybe see your GP also? Mine was excellent, and signed me off work for a couple of weeks as I really was a complete mess.
I am not great at advice and support like many others on here, but I really can empathise and will be thinking of you.
I promise that it does get both better and easier, although the road is a tough one xx

rincereuserecycle Fri 21-Jun-13 09:02:23

Hi Guys,thanks for thinking of me.
how am I? I suspect you can guess,I am numb,sad,sick,heartbroken and all the rest.
I cant get my head arround an exit plan,everthing I think of wont work,but I am sure my head is all over the place at the moment and I cant think straight.
Some facts & you may be able to help me make a plan.
House joint owned in neg equity.Neither of us could afford it on our own,very little savings...both work full time but like other families our money is taken up with 3 DC in childcare ,morgage,bills etc...

I need to protect my children,I was a homeless child due to disfunctional parents and there is no way I will let that happen to mine..xx

Lavenderhoney Fri 21-Jun-13 04:56:09

Oh nosad Hope you are ok, op

Bogeyface Fri 21-Jun-13 00:27:29

I am wondering if you are ok too Rince

Worrying that he has found her internet history and passworded the PC sad

DIddled Thu 20-Jun-13 22:39:10

Jesus!!! Hand holding here- so sorry. When you say exit- I assume you mean his exit when you kick his pathetic cheating arse out the door?? Xxx

lovesfastcars Thu 20-Jun-13 22:35:25

Are you ok Rince? Just wondered how you are doing.

Tortington Thu 20-Jun-13 20:36:24

xxx

ladylambkin Thu 20-Jun-13 20:23:03

Always trust your gut instinct. Very sorry to hear your bad news

Aww that is sad, get yourself and kids sorted then show him what you found, no denying it then, although he'll probably try.

lovesfastcars Thu 20-Jun-13 13:10:33

Oh no, so sorry. It is really bloody horrible isn't it.
Just a quick point. If u sent stuff (emails or forwarded texts to yourself ) did you delete those from 'sent'? If not then he will be able to see them in his 'sent' box.
Thinking of you at this horrible time. Lots of support on here if you need/want it x

AnyFucker Thu 20-Jun-13 12:50:32

I am sorry, love

Bogeyface Thu 20-Jun-13 12:48:18

Locket is right, thats why I suggested waiting until you have your plan ready to go. You will always get people who will deny no matter how much evidence you have, because they are so convinced of their own cleverness that they are sure they will be able to explain it away. I am often amused at the outrage that comes out when they realise they have been caught banged to rights, as if it is the faithful spouses fault for looking and not their own for cheating. I have seen that on MN a lot and my friend is currently going through it with her cheating ex. He has maintained all along that if she had respected his privacy they would still be together so therefore the break up is her fault, not his. Beggars belief doesnt it?

OneMoreChap Thu 20-Jun-13 12:37:04

Bogeyface I like that approach grin

Locketjuice Thu 20-Jun-13 12:36:39

I take it by your reply.. You found why you were looking for, I would keep quiet pack whoevers stuff will be leaving and wait for him to return show him everything and leave it there. I was in a similar situation and he still lied he still tried getting out of it and took 2 weeks to confess so don't expect him to admit the while lot just because you have the evidence some men really think they can get away with it even after you have all the proof you need unfortunately xx

Hope you ok wine xx

Bogeyface Thu 20-Jun-13 12:08:08

Does he know that you know yet?

Best not to tell him until you have your plan in place. Then perhaps you could say "Can I just borrow your phone? I want to show you something....."

rincereuserecycle Thu 20-Jun-13 12:05:38

Hi Guys

Firstly I want to say thanks to each and everyone of you.

Well got the phone for a full half hour this morning & not good,in fact very very bad...what I saw was every partners worst nightmare but dont want to put to many details on here , I just wanted to let you know the outcome.
I have sent myself everything I can and taken pics of the rest.
Need to plan for the exit now.

smaths Thu 20-Jun-13 09:01:50

Be careful if you hide the phone as suggested above... There are "find my iphone" apps which you can login to from another device (eg desktop conputer) search for your phone if it has data connection still active and make it emit a loud noise to help find it. Could be awkward if you stashed it somewhere and he found it.

Have you made your own facebook page, maybe you can search for him on there, he probably doesn't have it hidden well if he thinks he's convinced you he doesn't have email, facebook and twitter.

2712 Wed 19-Jun-13 22:14:08

I don't think he would be stupid enough to do anything suspiscious on the PC, purely because he knows you use it too.
It is his phone that will have all his movements on.
However, if he is using stuff such as private messaging, you've got no hope.
You need to ask yourself if you want to stay in a relationship where you feel the need to snoop, do you?

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