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Don't know where to turn anymore

(67 Posts)
Dearjackie Tue 18-Jun-13 16:40:00

Have name changed for this. I feel so low today I have contemplated taking tablets and putting an end to it all. My BF has basically done a character assisination on me and I feel like utter shit. I did something to piss him off over the last couple of days moaning about arrangements we made which caused big row for which i later aplogised and said he didnt deserve what i said. all seemed ok until i had another downer and complained about the cost of household bills ( he stays over a few times a week I pay bills but he contributes to food)

It wasn't even directly aimed at him but he said he was sick of putting up with me and we went to bed in silence. It's hard to explain what he's like when I do something to upset him even if I've given a sincere apology. He's been quite nasty all day saying no one would put up with this shit, snapping at me saying I've got to change and sitting and watching me cry. I know I'm not perfect but surely after saying sorry he should be a bit more forgiving.

It's like he has to punish me. He's threatened that I'm pushing him away then said hel never leave. I feel so low I can't describe it. I even found myself saying to him that I don't know who to turn to and I felt I can't be the person he wants. If I say to him " am I really that bad" he says " to be honest yes"

I'm a useless no good piece of rubbish well that's how I'm feeling today.

OctopusPete8 Wed 19-Jun-13 18:41:46

Next time he says 'no-one would put up with this' call his bluff, tell him to get out ,

Dearjackie Wed 19-Jun-13 18:41:49

Hi thank you all. Have been at work all day and have a mega headache now, probably a result of yesterday. I think I need to get away from him but in a way I'm a bit scared I don't think he'l take it easily.

We have kind of separated before, after rows he would leave me sometimes for a day and the longest was 10 days. I never contacted him despite being hurt he would eventually come back when he thought I'd learned my lesson I guess. Anyway once I didn't care if we got back together my feelings had all but gone. He worked on me until I agreed to try again. Thing is when he was trying to get me back he would veer from persuasation to being upset but then to being really quite angry and a bi threatening, for example saying how dare I after all he'd done for me, he'd put me and my family first ect

I just know its gonna be difficult

Dearjackie Wed 19-Jun-13 18:45:41

OCTOPUS it was on the tip of my tongue to tell him don't put up with it then and I know he would have got up and left. But he wouldn't have meant it and it would just be as a punishment for a few days maybe. I can't believe how entrenched in all this I am

clam Wed 19-Jun-13 18:52:57

I've not read a thread in a long time that has made me quite so angry as this.
How DARE he? He's done a right number on you, darling, hasn't he?

Listen to me: It's. Not. You. It's. Him.

Now bin him. PLEASE.

Dearjackie Wed 19-Jun-13 19:00:22

Yes he has done a number on me. I still believe he loves me even after all that's happened so that's how messed my head is. Why do people behave this way. I suppose because he's found an idiot who allowed it

YellowTulips Wed 19-Jun-13 19:37:59

It's not love. It's control. It's withholding comfort and affection to make you crave it. Make you humble yourself to please him.

Real love is freely given - without strings. You love just because you do.

Please stop thinking "what did I do wrong" and focus on "why did he behave like that?"

AgathaF Wed 19-Jun-13 19:50:40

he wouldn't have meant it and it would just be as a punishment for a few days maybe you wouldn't have to let him back, you know. He's done a good job on you, but you are starting to realise that. With that knowledge comes your power. Use it to make a better life for yourself.

Dearjackie Wed 19-Jun-13 19:57:59

Agatha what I meant by that was I didn't want to face all that thing of him going then the phonecalls, discussions ect so somehow it was easier at the time not to reach that point again. Does that make sense

AgathaF Wed 19-Jun-13 21:25:21

It does jackie. I was just saying that you don't have to engage in discussion with him if you don't want to, or take his calls, or open the door to him. You have choices too, although he is trying his hardest to remove those from you.

BerylStreep Wed 19-Jun-13 21:32:52

So you are staying with him because you can't bear to go through the harassment?

Understandable, I know what the relentless harassment, phone calls, letters, calling at the door, calling work feels like. But believe me, getting free is worth it. The legislation these days is much better, and gives much more protection.

Once you tell him it is over, change your number if you have to. Don't open any letters. If he turns up, tell him you will call the police, and if he doesn't go, then phone them.

Do you have DC?

Dearjackie Wed 19-Jun-13 21:40:49

I just feel like I have a massive amount on my plate that I don't have enough left to deal with a breakup. Am finally going through divorce after long marriage and there's a pension issue to deal with. I have bad health issues 2 long term chronic conditions that aren't bad enough to be pensioned off work but bad enough to make every day a struggle physically. I have to work almost full time to pay mortgage and bills. Children are adult and son off to uni end of year

gamerchick Wed 19-Jun-13 21:42:18

Good grief lass.. you don't live with him, he makes you feel like shit in your own house and to want to slit your throat to boot (!).

Tell him to do one and if he comes near you again you'll ring the police ^^ and do just that.

I did the harassment thing and you know what? It ends!

Why are you wasting time on this loser when the person who might treat you right is out there somewhere? Seriously, life is far too short!

gamerchick Wed 19-Jun-13 21:45:23

Right.. so you have a lot to deal with. Make him a priority and then you can deal with the other stuff. He's a winnit who will make you miserable in the long term.

Treat him like you would a wart on the end of your nose. Get the swine frozen off. Just try and see him like an irritation than a breakup. Or this time next year, you may be trying to get him out of your house.

AgathaF Wed 19-Jun-13 22:14:02

You know, you would probably find coping with the other stuff in your life a lot easier if you didn't have this millstone of a man around your neck dragging you down.

BerylStreep Wed 19-Jun-13 22:24:07

I agree Agatha.

I feel quite raw today, as I have been dealing with the after effects of a lady who committed suicide at the weekend. She had two almost grown up children - 18 and 21.

OP, don't ever let this dickhead make you feel like that ever again. sad

Dearjackie Wed 19-Jun-13 22:27:58

BERYL I'm sorry to hear that, makes my problems seem insignificant

I don't feel like that today but have to say it crossed my mind yesterday when he was in full flow

BerylStreep Thu 20-Jun-13 16:12:10

DearJackie, I'm glad you don't feel like that now. It's awful that he made you feel like that at all.

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