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So I've decided to ask him to leave, it's not going well.

(20 Posts)
Gretagumbo Mon 17-Jun-13 22:57:44

I have been in a relationship with this man child for 10 years. I am done with his crap, I can support myself. I have told him he needs to go ASAP he is refusing and is being verbally abusive.

According to him I have a personality disorder, I am a psycho, I trapped him into having a child. I have supported him through college, unemployment and the death of his mother. When I have needed him over this past two years he has refused.

Help me stay strong, he needs to go x

gamerchick Mon 17-Jun-13 23:00:40

Phone the police and have him removed

Gretagumbo Mon 17-Jun-13 23:05:22

Not that level but thanks for your concern, I just wanted to vent into cyberspace. He is going soon. It's just so hard to talk to real life people about relationship stuff. I just want to live by myself now and provide a nice settled home for my baby.

Lweji Mon 17-Jun-13 23:07:55

Hugs and light speed to him.

ladylambkin Mon 17-Jun-13 23:12:31

I'm in the same situation. Unsure when he is going...being very cryptic and trying to keep me on edge. Hope you get resolution soon

Gretagumbo Mon 17-Jun-13 23:14:44

Ladylambkin if you want to set up a temporary support group, I'm game! What's your situation?

ladylambkin Mon 17-Jun-13 23:32:16

Been with my partner just under 5 years ... realising now that he is very emotionally abusive from early days.

Have asked him to leave 8 weeks ago ... he is still here but its getting unbearable

ladylambkin Mon 17-Jun-13 23:33:05

Oh and it's all my fault too!

Gretagumbo Mon 17-Jun-13 23:43:16

Hahaha yes it's amazing isn't it. I get - well if you throw me out I'm going to leave college, what's the point in carrying on. That's your choice dear, you are 33 not 13. Have you got children? I have a little boy - I'm ashamed to find myself in this situation, it's not what I would have chosen.

ladylambkin Mon 17-Jun-13 23:50:17

I have children but not to him, thank goodness! I am ashamed I have another failed relationship ... but hey will get through it. It's the cryptic comments that get me, aparantly it's none of my business when he leaves?!

Sunnywithshowers Tue 18-Jun-13 00:50:06

Don't be ashamed Greta and lambkin, it's happened to many of the women on this board. I stayed with my EA XH for bloody years.

Good luck ladies, and a big virtual kick up the arse for your exes.

flowers

HerrenaHarridan Tue 18-Jun-13 09:25:42

I wish is seen this last night!

I was in your position six months ago.

Tbh I think you need to stop letting them say they'll move out "soon" ie when it suits them ie never.

Especially if they are being verbally abusive.
There are lots of options

"You need to leave now" on repeat until they have left. Most likely to work if you can have a friend or relative present to force them to moderate their behaviour

Get someone round to change the locks while they are out. Either chuck all the stuff on the front garden first (if they deserve that) or bag it all up and offer to put it out a car load at a time
If you can't afford a lock smith with some locks you can lock the door from the inside, leaving the key in the lock slightly turned but you need to change at least one lock to prevent re entry while you are out.

I'm not going to lie, it's fucking brutal and it hurts like hell but as long as you allow the situation to continue it will and its sooooo worth it!

I moved house ASAP and if you can possibly afford to its worth it too

Hth smile

IAmNotAMindReader Tue 18-Jun-13 09:35:43

I'm sure legally if owns the house too you cant just change the locks. However you can put in additional locks or a chain etc.

HerrenaHarridan Tue 18-Jun-13 15:50:27

It's very complicated and depends on lots of things including whether you are married, both on mortgage, kids, proven history of abuse etc

Womens aid will be able to advise you on your specific circumstances

If you really can't make him leave, then pack up and go.
I took out my first (and only) credit card to be able to afford to move out of the home we has shared. Paying it off has been a slog but its worth it.

Womens aid can also help you make a plan to leave

Gretagumbo Tue 18-Jun-13 17:32:50

I am very very lucky, it's my house, low mortgage all in my name. It's just very hard to get him to agree a moving date and actually go. It's all the shitty poison in between that has made me cave before. Bleeeeugh

SugarPasteGreyhound Tue 18-Jun-13 18:06:36

If it's your house then set a date and tell him that if he is not out by that date, his stuff will be bagged up outside and his keys won't work anymore!

Gretagumbo Tue 18-Jun-13 18:18:27

Yup I guess it may have to come to that. Need to develop some balls of steel.

SugarPasteGreyhound Tue 18-Jun-13 19:57:50

He is a man child cocklodger. Which means that he will not do anything to hasten his departure and bring his cushy life to an end.

This is your house! He cannot dictate when he stays or goes! Believe me, if you wait for him to go of his own accord then you'd better be patient.

Tell him he has 2 weeks to make alternative arrangements. If any of his belongings are left after that then they will be bagged up and left on the pavement/road outside the house.

If you do this then you need to get the locks changed.

WeAreEternal Tue 18-Jun-13 20:16:53

I wouldn't even give him two weeks.
I would call in sick tomorrow and as soon as he leaves the house get a locksmith round to change the locks.
I would pack an overnight bag with anything he will need urgently and drop it off at a friend/family members (without an explanation).
I would then immediately send EX a text to tell him not to bother coming back, that you have left his essentials wherever and tell him that his belonging will be outside the front of your house ready for collection on Saturday at 9am and that he should never contact you again.
And I would spend the rest of the day black bagging his crap.

If also put in a quick call to 101, just to let them know that you have thrown you EA ex out of your house and that he will more than likely come around and kick off and let them know to expect a call.

HerrenaHarridan Tue 18-Jun-13 21:34:10

Hear hear, eternal.

Sorry op but you are right, balls of steel required.
He is not going to go unless you make him. You know that.

Like I said, it's a ducking brutal process BUT its soooooo worth it

I

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