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No Libido and feeling so fed up

(18 Posts)

I have suffered with pain during intercourse for years now but it has never affected my sex drive before. I have had loads of tests including a laporoscopy. All of them have proved nothing wrong. My partner thinks maybe it's in my head.
Since having my little boy who is now 18 months my sex drive has all but dried up and I'm so depressed. It was good just after his birth but that was it. Do you think it could be that I have the implant fitted.
It's got to the stage where the thought of sex makes me feel uncomfortable and awkard, I go to bed late to avoid it and make all sorts of excuses. I have recently lost weight and that's made no difference. My partner didn't want sex when I was pregnant which understand but wonder if this could be a factor.
He says it's not important and if there was some reason we could never have sex again he would still love me and be with me but it's making me depressed and I miss the intimacy.
Sorry to waffle ladies but I would love to hear your opinions/advice. It's hard to talk to people in RL other than my partner.

justneedhandholding Mon 17-Jun-13 15:48:35

Hi, I am going through something similar the other way round with DH (have a thread on here) and I genuinely believe if we are never able to have sex again my feelings wouldn't change about him but he is devastated which I also understand.

I had the implant and my sex drive was non existent, I had it removed (for other reasons) and it took a while to come back.

Are your feelings for your DH the same, ie do you fancy him etc.

Yes I do fancy him, not to boast but he's 6 ft rather buff fireman. Our relationship is generally good but it can be hard sometimes as he is away 4 days out of every 8. I think this coupled with having a toddler sometimes causes arguements but I would say no more than the usual couple. The only other thing we argue about is housework as he is very particular about certain things. I have asked him to try and be more affectionate but he has never been the touchy feely type but I thought it might help if it was more obvious he found me sexy (he says he does).

I always used to have a higher sex drive than him and things like rows etc didn't really effect it.

It may be the implant - my sex drive reappeared after years once I had my Mirena Coil removed, it was like waking up to sex all over again.

MondayMorningGreens Mon 17-Jun-13 16:13:41

Claire Are you me?! Seriously, I could have written your post, apart from my DD being older!

Marking my place and watching with interest.

Monday, it's hard isn't it? I wondered if it may be the norm for those with lo's and I'm expecting more.
I don't know whether to go and talk to someone at the local family planning clinic see what they say as GP is next to useless. Last lady I saw was sooo grumpy and you just don't feel like opening up to those kind of people.
I really want to talk to someone understanding who can help me.

MTBMummy Mon 17-Jun-13 16:23:57

I hated the implant!!!!! (there are not enough exclamation marks to emphasise how much)

I had mine inserted when DD was 4 months (ish) and had it taken out after 2.5 years after constantly being told, my moods/bleeding/weight would settle down if I just gave it a chance.

Within a month of taking it out, my moods are manageable again (I was either constantly weepy or really angry), my periods are normal (I'm not taking pain killers to get through a 2 week heavy bleed), I started loosing weight (didn't change my eating or exercise habits) and my sex drive has returned.

I think the implant is awful and a method of torture

bestsonever Mon 17-Jun-13 16:25:19

Perhaps the implant does not suit you so you may be better off trying something else.
I would of had issues if my partner at the time did not want sex because I was pregnant - was more rampant than ever then. Could it of made you feel a bit rejected at the time? I'd say it's a little unusual for a man to go off it but not unusual.
I have noticed that the longer without the less often one seems to think of it, and children also distract focus in that.
Also, if anything sex feels better post baby, or is it just my age? You may find the pain has improved since if it was a vaginal delivery.

bestsonever Mon 17-Jun-13 16:27:52

'not unheard of' - doh

justneedhandholding Mon 17-Jun-13 16:28:07

I would definitely consider having the implant removed. I am convinced it was the cause of my lost sex drive, like you I still fancied my partner but just did not want sex at all.

I also think tiredness with dcs etc doesn't help.

I haven't had a bleed since before I was pregnant. I have lost weight. I do feel very hormonal on and off like I'm due a period.

I know this sounds daft but I want more children in a couple of years but don't see how that's going to happen if we never have sex.

MTBMummy Mon 17-Jun-13 16:29:59

Sorry to rant about the implant, but I really felt the way you describe while I was using it, I really feel like I've returned to my own self finally

I'll admit having a lo takes its toll, but I'm convinced the implant made it worse

MTBMummy can I ask what you use as contraception if you're not on the implant? I had all sorts of problems with the pill. Found one that suited me, moved from Surrey to Suffolk and they won't prescribe it as it's too expensive.

Not sure I could be any more p****d off right now. Thought I'd have a nice bath snd pamper this evening as oh home tomorrow and it might put me in the mood and the hot water has packed upangry . Also just done some batch cooking so sink is full of washing up.sad

MTBMummy Tue 18-Jun-13 06:31:37

Claire - I currently don't use anything as We're ttc at the moment, but will consider the coil next time round, I fell pg on both the pill (no missed pills) and the injection.

So sorry to hear you had a rubbish evening, seriously try getting off the pill and maybe even use condoms for a bit to let you body settle down before trying another form of contraceptive

I had this with the implant, it caused such trouble i had it removed after 9 months. My libido was non-existant, it made me moody and withdrawn & the thought of having sex made me feel ill!!
Implanon/nexaplon-pointless birth control imo as you don't want sex anyway!

I've made an appointment with the nurse practitioner to discuss things. She put my implant in and is very nice so will see how I get on.

justneedhandholding Tue 18-Jun-13 13:06:38

Glad you are seeing the nurse, I wish I had known about MN back then, I had no idea it was the implant affecting me for months and months till someone mentioned they had heard it affected your sex drive.

Hope it works out well for you.

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