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Am I in the wrong for expecting his support so soon?

(14 Posts)
fabergeegg Sun 16-Jun-13 21:08:04

I think you probably are wrong to expect support so soon. The way your OP reads (sorry if I've got this wrong) you are looking for someone to 'be there' for you and make you feel better. If you were to receive that so early on in the relationship, it would move things forward very rapidly, probably too rapidly. You haven't had a chance to get to know your bf yet. You cannot know if this is someone you want to be relying on.

It sucks that you cannot look to your bf for support at such a difficult time. But if he doesn't feel like reaching out, I wouldn't assume it's because he doesn't care about you or isn't a caring person (although his comment about you just being down anyway is a bit hmm. He just may not be ready.

WafflyVersatile Sun 16-Jun-13 13:16:35

you need to build up a support network rather than rely on whoever you are seeing at any one time for all your emotional needs.

Numberlock Sun 16-Jun-13 12:36:30

You need to compartmentalise. Treat the dating as a bit of fun to take your mind of things but keep it light at this stage. I'm single and wouldn't want to be a support mechanism in his position after only a month, I'm sorry to say.

Focus on the child issue with other people to support you, on here is a good a place as any.

pictish Sun 16-Jun-13 12:28:16

I don't need him to play a part on the day just take my mind off it and be there to cheer me up

You want him to call off a pre booked social arrangement, so he can responsible for your emotional wellbeing, on a date in the future on which you have planned to be upset and require cheering up. As a mother, I can of course relate to your upset, but he is neither mother nor partner, and really is not obliged to provide this service.

This is kind of ok in a long established relationship because partners do tend to read from the same page.
One month in, you've only borrowed the book from the library, and haven't got round to reading it yet. Dyswim?

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time though OP. Being seperated from your son must be hell.

I wouldn't advise trying to make this a shared problem though. You have no idea yet, how significant this man is going to be, unless you're just gunning for it because he's there, which is not very clever.

Play your cards close to your chest, and don't have romantic notions about him being able to make it all better for you. Not fair, and one month in, unrealistic.

Good luck. xx

ALittleStranger Sun 16-Jun-13 12:02:36

After a month I'd struggle to remember the birthday of the person I was dating, let alone their kid's. YABU, and I also suspect you're focusing on this to avoid the bigger issue.

CajaDeLaMemoria Sun 16-Jun-13 11:50:39

I think, after just a month and having no kids himself, he'd struggle to know what to do to support you and the whole thing would be uncomfortable and awkward.

If your plan is to take your mind off it, plan something with a close friend or family member, or go somewhere you've always wanted to go on your own. You can play to your moods, then, without risking your relationship or putting your boyfriend in an impossible situation.

TheYoniWayIsUp Sun 16-Jun-13 11:41:50

Why are your kids in care? Perhaps put your energies into that??

pictish Sun 16-Jun-13 11:38:22

Yes I think you should.

getmeoutofthismadhouse Sun 16-Jun-13 11:36:42

I know being like this after a month is ridiculous !! In my defense though we have become an item really quick. We see each other 4-5 times a week so I guess I do keep forgetting how new this all is.

I do have other support but I tend not to rely on anyone because of how much it's affected me and how unsupportive the kids Dad was for the months after the children went into care whilst we were still a couple. I don't need him to play a part on the day just take my mind off it and be there to cheer me up .

I shall give myself a kick up the behind and stop being so needy !!

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Sun 16-Jun-13 11:34:38

I'm sure you must be struggling right now but he isn't ready to support you through this it is far too early in the relationship for that.

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Sun 16-Jun-13 11:22:35

It's still very early days but he doesn't seem to be getting how much you'd need him during a difficult time.

Have you got other support around you?

StuffezLaYoni Sun 16-Jun-13 11:21:56

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time but you're being very unfair. You've been seeing each other a month - it's extremely early stages and it sounds like you see yourselves as a package already.

pictish Sun 16-Jun-13 11:20:24

Yabvu.
One month! One month! He owes you nothing after one month.

You are being too needy and asking big.

He will end up running for the hills if you continue to insist on controlling his movements to suit your own needs.

Your child is your business and your responsibility...to expect him to have a hand in that after one month is demanding and, on your part, totally short sighted. You should not be involving him in matters to do with your children at this stage.

getmeoutofthismadhouse Sun 16-Jun-13 11:16:56

I've been with my boyf a month and he decided to inform me last night he's going to Blackpool for the day and night at the end of the month , the same day of my son's birthday. My children have been in care for just over a year and I am still majorily struggling . Every single day is torture for me and I won't be seeing my son either so the day is gonna be really tough.

Am I being unfair to expect him to be there for me that day rather than in blackpool ?(he went last month for 4 days and has another 4 planned for august lads weekends. )

I have been having majorily second thoughts now about the relationship because how can I be with someone who obviously thinks more of spending a night away than supporting me when I need him. He said I will just be down and depressed anyway so it's only 1 night. He's 25 got no kids and no responsibilities and I'm 29 and after everything I've been through the past year am I being too needy ?

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