Things have been deteriorating between me and SIL (and consequently most of the rest of dh's family) for a few years now but it's reached an all-time low.
basically she can't stand the back of me for various reasons - most of them to do with competing with me in the family for the status of favourite daughter-in-law. she has 2 boys and i have 2 girls. she is desperate for a girl and sulked royally when i had dd1. when dd2 was born i was in hospital with a potentially life-threatening condition (for me & baby) but she never once asked after me through BIL, MIL or dh. and now since dd2 was born she has never acknowledged that she even exists... and yet got pissed off when we didn't invite her to the christening.
she hates BIL even talking to dh on the phone now. she won't even refer to us by name! i get on really well with her two boys but only see them when they are at MIL&PIL's house on their own. dd1 adores them both but is missing out on spending quality time with them. mIL&PIL don't like the situation but have accepted it - they are terrified she will stop the boys going round. BIL is resigned to the fact his wife is very difficult but they won't split up as he too is worried she will take the boys abroad (where her family is).
Now i found out at the weekend she is pregnant again (unplanned). BIL is unhappy about it but i think they will have the baby. I am very sad that we will probably not get to form a meaningful relationship with the new baby and it will put a lot more strain on the way things are instead of being a joyous thing, which it should be (and is really). No-one else knows about the pregnancy apart from dh. i am pissed off she has poisoned things for everyone but i don't think things can get any better as she hates me and dh so much!
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how do i hate my SIL - let me count the ways...
Moomin · 30/05/2006 10:46
I can totally sympathise with you Moomin. And the advice I am about to give you is advice I myself cannot take.
Is there any chance of you being the adult here and calling her up and asking to meet and take the kids to a soft play centre or somewhere the kids can enjoy each others company, you and SIL will be there but it isn't a place that you can have a deep conversation and therefore not be too hard on either of you. How did it get this bad? Was there something that was the catalyst or has it just been deteriorating for a a long time?
My SIL stopped speaking to me when we got a site passed to build a house on and they didn't. They had been trying for 1yr to conceive and in that time DH and I had a baby girl. I took dd to see them all the time, in fact, SIL & BIL (Dh's sister) were the 2 people I trusted most with her, they were the only people apart from dh and me who were allowed to take her out in their car!! SIL began visiting MIL who lives about 6 footsteps away from me, and not stopping in to see us...yes I took it very badly, she then called me up to ask why I hadn't been visiting her, I said it was because dd was at an age where she was lifting everything and throwing tantrums and I didn;t want her getting the expensive ornaments that SIL insisted on having sitting on her mantle piece where dd could reach them.. I suggested that when she next at MIL she call and see us, she didn't. So that was the beginning of the end for us. Next I fell pg with ds and she blanked me all the way through the pregnancy, yet showing up at the hospital when ds was born and being rather cruel about him having dark hair when the rest of us are blonde. 
I, unfortunately cannot be the bigger person and call her, they are now waiting IVF and she hates me. She said why have we got a son and a daughter when she cannot have any... she refuses to talk to me and she won't speak to dh if he goes into the shop in which she works. She sends dd and ds birthday gifts but I am at a loss as to wether or not we can rebuild this relationship, and we were best mates, totally. MIL and FIL have accepted the situation too and they know we won't visit when SIL is there and SIL will turn her car and go away if she comes to PIL and we are there...
None of this will help you I am sure, but wanted you to know I do understand what you are going through, you either need to be a grown up (which I am not 
)and call her and call a truce or forget all about her.
sorry, TheMammy, crossed posts. Yes, Being the GrownUp... it's something i know i should do but can't bring myself to. I've talked about it to BIL and he's pretty sure she would refuse to see me anyway even if i did ask her to meet up.(So i ought to, so that i look better, safe in the knowledge she won't co-operate anyway!
)
I used to be fairly ambivilent towards her but since I've had dd2 it's made me really angry. I hate the way she has effectively 'blnked' an innocent baby. I'm a stubborn old cow but i know that had the roles been reversed and she'd been the one in hospital I would have at least sent flowers and best wishes.
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