Sometimes I think it's fine. Other times, that I've made a huge mistake and am wasting my life.
I was in a very abusive relationship then single for 6 years before I met DH. I truly thought he was my saviour, my knight in shining armour, and for a long time he was- kind, caring, amazing in bed, felt like the love of my life.
We got married after 2.5 years and he became SD to my dd. He has a ds of his own from a previous relationship who stays at weekends. We have 2 dcs of our own, who are 4 and 2.
After about 6 months of marriage I began to realise he wasn't the knight in armour I thought. He was cruel and verbally abusive in arguments and seemed immune when he made me cry - would just sit there, or actually go out and leave me in tears. Things like "you make nice people nasty" and hinting that I would never find a nice partner because it was impossible to be nice to someone like me. I fell into a bad depression which was very out of character and spent most of 2008 in bed, crying. He didn't try to help in the way I think I would support a partner with depression. Would often say nasty things and make it worse. I then got pregnant with dc and that seemed to stop the depression but he has just got angrier and unkinder over the years. He is a very negative person and seems to enjoy being miserable.
He never joins me in being excited and happy about things and sucks the enthusiasm and excitement out of everything, from holidays to Xmas. He has spoilt many special days such as birthdays and holidays and Xmases with his bad temper and miserable outlook.
He is not a great SD to dd, often picks on her and starts arguments although she is very difficult at her age. At other times though he is great with her. Just depends on his mood.But he is a fanastic dad to the youngest two and they completely adore him.
To give real examples, in the last few weeks he;
- Called (to me, not them) our dd and her friends 'fucking cunts' for making a noise at a sleepover-
-Shouted and sworn at me and eldest dd and made us both cry
- In a rage threw a toy so hard into the bath it hit 4 year old dd and made her cry.
NOTHING is ever his fault. ANY bad things he does are always, always because I provoked him. I do not think he is capable of remorse or shame. He is one of life's victims and never takes responsibility for behaving badly - it's always, I'm sorry for doing that BUT you really upset me.
He can be great, he is a great dad to youngest dc and they would be heartbroken if we split up. DD would miss him too, I know she loves him. He can be a great husband, does a lot for me (but always in a very martyrish way - he does this thing where he scurries around a bit tidying up and says, yes love, whatever you want love, what do you want me to do now for you love" and makes me feel like a bully and a monster when all I want is for him to be nice, and happy, and kind all the time - not weirdly subservient half the time and foul tempered and angry the other half. I don't know what to do - he was horrible yesterday and went out leaving me in tears. He only makes me happy half the time - is that enough?