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Dating thread 56 all welcome

(1000 Posts)
Kirstywirsty Sat 15-Jun-13 21:12:42

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. If it is not fun, stop

ALittleStranger Tue 18-Jun-13 22:38:43

I think that programme will just annoy me OWW. As it will no doubt focus on the best way to take a flirt picture and miss the bigger point that if the right person is not signed up for the site then all the witty one liners you can throw at your profile won't make a bit of difference. But if someone wants to summarise the main points go ahead! hmm

FlorentinePogen Tue 18-Jun-13 22:48:53

there is the grand total of THREE men local to me on OKC haha

What do you expect on Rockall ? wink

Flipper924 Tue 18-Jun-13 22:51:22

Evening everyone!

Martini, his loss. Tosser.

Nora, his loss. Badly dressed Tosser.

Juliette, how's things feeling now you're home and have had a chance to mull them over?

Bant, shame about the speed dating. I did enjoy your commentary, though.

Wine, any luck with the carpet? Soap and water should have done the trick, if my experiences with emulsion are anything to go by. I have no chocolate in the house, but I do have a six pack of cherry bakewells to offer round...

Ike, waiting for you to come back singing 'I am the resurrection and I am aliiiiiiive...'

Hello to everyone else.

FlorentinePogen Tue 18-Jun-13 22:52:27

Sorry, couldn't resist that wee interjection to qo but forgot my manners.
Greetings to all from the deep, dark North. smile

mercury7 Tue 18-Jun-13 22:57:45

Yes, come back Ike!

Winefiend Tue 18-Jun-13 23:02:19

Flipper ooh cherry bakewells! grin I haven't had a go at the painty bits yet properly, but had a quick swatch and the drier bits seemed to be scraping off with my nails fairly easily, thank christ. We shall see what tomorrow brings (more paint everywhere I should imagine).

Totally forgot about that dating thing but I imagine it is not compatible with my current rage levels (which have subsided with tea and fags and pasta bake and ignoring folk for an eve) grin

OhWesternWind Tue 18-Jun-13 23:08:11

I've given up on that programme very quickly. Irritating people everywhere.

KinNora Tue 18-Jun-13 23:09:56

Apparently she's had a lot of success on PoF with a profile photo of 'a cow grazing', and no cockshots.

Hello Flo not seen you for ages.

Hello Flipper chuck. Badly dressed tosser but devoted to the Nora climax sad . Hey ho.
I thought of you today, I was in the screening room for the first time in about 6 months, no video swallows though.

qo Tue 18-Jun-13 23:19:27

hahah flo it feels like it round here honestly!!

Flipper I don't know how I feel. I'm just living my life until I do know.

Flipper924 Tue 18-Jun-13 23:25:24

smile Tuesday afternoon is always videoswallows here, Nora. Not my turn today, though.

Flipper924 Tue 18-Jun-13 23:27:07

<hands Wine a cherry bakewell>

Winefiend Tue 18-Jun-13 23:43:03

grin ta Flipper, you are a gem

Hrrrm Wed 19-Jun-13 00:27:39

Hello all,

Well, this was an interesting experience... He was waiting for me at the pub, I recognised him straightaway and he was gorgeous. Really interesting conversation, his job is hugely fascinating, really nice, polite, solid guy, could have spent ages talking to him. But... the single mum thing is a no no for him. sad I mentioned my DD right at the beginning in order to explain something that would have seemed odd otherwise and possibly made me seem a bit dodgy.

We talked for over an hour, but when we both finished our drinks he asked if he could walk me home (to the top of my road).
Such a shame, he was better than I could have hoped in every way and I actually feel really sad about this. He seemed really clear about his boundaries and there was no point in trying to convince him that it could all be fine. He said 'she is a big part of your life and that's fine, that's how it should be'. Well yes, but that still doesn't mean anyone else would actually be involved in her life. He seemed to think I should mention the fact I have a DC in my profile. I don't really want to.

Then I went home where exH was babysitting for me and spent 3 hours talking to him about it. sad This is so rubbish. I really can't imagine I will ever meet anyone who will give me a chance. I know this was just the first time I've done this, but it's just an awful feeling. I don't k ow how you manage to put yourselves out there and just get on with it. sad

mercury7 Wed 19-Jun-13 00:47:04

He seemed to think I should mention the fact I have a DC in my profile. I don't really want to

I rather think he's in the wrong for not mentioning in his profile that he is only looking for women without childrenangry

Sorry to hear things didnt work out as you'd have liked Hrrrm but to be fair most first meetings dont lead to anything, for various reasons that cant be known about in advance
It does get easier to shrug it offsmile

Bant Wed 19-Jun-13 07:48:19

Sorry hrrrm but I don't agree with mercury on this one. He may have done specific searches for women without children and your profile popped up.

Depending on the site, you can specify 'must have no children' but that's an optional one, same as 'must not smoke' or height or income. Leaving that preference blank is the default. One assumes that people with DC would mention it, and searches would filter them out, or they'd say it in their profile and could be disregarded.

It's a shame, but if you don't mention you have them either in your profile or very early on in conversations/emails then its going to happen again.

Why don't you want to mention it?

ALittleStranger Wed 19-Jun-13 08:06:49

Hrrrm which site are you on? I thought everyone required you to tick if you have children even if you don't proactively mention them in your profile? If you have misled him then I'm sorry but I agree with Bant. People are perfectly entitled to only proactively look for people with or without children. If you think not wanting to date a single man makes him an arse then he's not for you anyway! On OD I screen out single fathers, not because I'm awful but because there are enough single men without kids, so why make it harder?

Anyway sorry you feel pants, but it does get easier. Although actually the reason for that is that you realise most first dates are near misses, so I think we'd all admit it remains frustrating when someone is exactly your type but not into you for whatever reason.

brokenhearted55 Wed 19-Jun-13 08:23:26

The website I am on asks you to specify if you have children not. Why keep it quiet. In fact it is best to mention it so you don't end up wasting time.

OhWesternWind Wed 19-Jun-13 08:42:29

Yep, think I'm with the group on this one. I always say I have children and tick the box to say they live with me full time, and I also tick the box to say I'm a veggie as this can also put some people off. Might as well get these things out of the way first as they are not going to change until the dc are eighteen, so I need a bloke who's sanguine about them. I am also prepared to be sanguine in return, apart from about smoking which is my non-negotiable . . .

But Hrrrm it does get easier. I think this is one I'd put down to experience and try and pick yourself up and carry on. I truly and honestly believe it is just a numbers game and that sooner or later we will all meet that right person (or a right person) - very few of us will do it on date 1, very few of us will have to wait for date 100 and most of us will be somewhere in the middle.

Bant Wed 19-Jun-13 08:48:24

There is a general problem of deceitfulness in OD - people lie about how tall they are, how old, how recent their photos are, lots of stuff.

So for me, I don't really have much of a preference between women with DC or none. Women without will have more free time, women with will understand how precious my time with mine is and not to get jealous of it. Swings and roundabouts.

But if I went on a date with a woman who'd said she didn't have them, actually stated on her profile that she didn't, and never mentioned them in conversation until the date, I would be put off her for that reason. Not that she had kids, but that she misled me about them.

I can understand why she might do that, of course, but I think it's best to be upfront about it. It may reduce the size of your dating pool, but what's left are going to be better suited.

I checked the box which says I smoke, although I know it'll put many women off. When I quit, which I plan to do at some point, I'll uncheck the box and suddenly be a better person smile But there's no point not checking that box, and meeting someone who will be disgusted when I nip outside for a smoke on our 4th date or something, and never want to see me again.

Bant Wed 19-Jun-13 08:49:19

I also don't date veggies smile

OWW, darling, it looks like it's not written in the stars for us..

BloomingRose Wed 19-Jun-13 09:00:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hrrrm Wed 19-Jun-13 09:06:27

It's difficult. I read somewhere that paedophiles do seek out women with children (unconsciously or on purpose). So rather than saying 'they're everywhere', it appears you really do have to be careful as a single mum.

I feel really bad for misleading this guy. Especially because he seemed quite honest himself, as far as I could tell, and his job means that he should be one of the most decent people I'm likely to meet. I have been thinking about it and perhaps I should change my profile to say I'm separated with DC.

He was very nice and I hope I'll meet more people like him, and I probably owe it to that kind of person to be honest. He wasn't angry, luckily, but I could tell that he was a bit shocked.

It's such a shame. He was really really nice.

I don't get it though, it's not as if I'd want him to move in and play happy families. I really do think I could keep DD separate from that part of my life, at least for quite a while.

Bant Wed 19-Jun-13 09:11:04

Yes Hrrrm, it's a shame, but these things happen in dating.This is why we say not to get too emotionally invested.

Some women won't date me because I've got DC, their loss choice.

The paedophile thing? It's rare and you just have to learn to judge a person based on their actions before you introduce them. It's possible that some men may not be allowed, by court order, to date women with children (not that they'd tell you this of course) so will go for women without children instead - and then you end up in the same situation.

Honesty upfront and judging people by their behaviour is probably the best policy. Who knows, there could be a perfect bloke out there with children who is discarding women without DC because he doesn't really want to have any more - but would be good for you?

JessicaBeatriceFletcher Wed 19-Jun-13 09:11:27

Hrrm - without sounding blunt (which it probably will), you don't need to "get it" as to why he doesn't want to date a single parent. He is perfectly entitled not to want that. It doesn't make him a bad person. There are very few people who don't have at least one 'dealbreaker' and other things that they may be 'flexible' about.

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