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Why would someone say stuff like this?

(57 Posts)
Fantacolasprite Sat 15-Jun-13 17:41:35

I am after a sanity check here. My eldest Dd was dilly dallying this morning not brushing her teeth- lying on the ground basically chewing her toothbrush instead of at least making a start on them. I normally help her a bit but I was rushing about this morning getting myself ready to take them out to a party and my husband was getting them ready. She is 5. My husband was getting more and more irate with her, and then said something along the lines of ' well if you don't want to brush your teeth I'll take you to the dentist and have them all taken out' . I thought this was a horrendous thing to say to a child and I can barely look him in the eye now. He said it was heat of the moment and has apologised. I am struggling to let this go because I just wonder where this sort of unpleasant stuff even comes from. I don't think it would occur to me to say something like that to anyone let alone a 5 year old. Am I overreacting? He has apologised.... I almost feel like I don't know him. Ugh, I don't know. Be gentle please. :-(

ticklycough Sun 16-Jun-13 08:15:22

Can I ask if you smack your daughter also?
My 2 used to have the old smack until we didn't need to when they reached about the age of 7 or 8...they've grown into well adjusted older teenagers before anyone judges.

Lweji Sun 16-Jun-13 08:15:57

ExH did the clenched fist at me once. It was scary.
Imagine to a 3-5 year old and with an angry face. sad

Are you prepared to tell him to go? Because that might well be what it takes to make him take you seriously and change his attitude.

Good luck. smile

ticklycough Sun 16-Jun-13 08:21:17

Oops sorry just seen more recent comment that you disagree with smacking, which I totally respect by the way.
Hope you sort things out with your DH and DD, I would try and talk things through with him calmly before asking him to leave though.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 16-Jun-13 08:27:36

My childhood was full of silly warnings ... 'Don't pull a face because, if the wind changes, it'll stick'.... 'Don't swallow chewing gum or it'll wrap itself in knots round your guts'..... 'Don't swallow apple pips or you'll end up with an apple tree in your stomach'..... 'If you look at light-bulbs you'll go blind'.... Depends how it's said, really.

I think you absolutely have to go with your instincts on this and great for having begun to work out how to deal with. A big back up for the understanding that a five year old can have different interpretations. My DS 5yo can have stroppy, stubborn moments. If he is in one of these then anything anyone does is wailed out by him "don't push me, that hurts". This is seriously in response to the lightest, lightest touch on his back....you know the hand on the back/shoulder barely touching the tshirt to gently herd/guide them to the front door. The lightness of touch you would be safe to use on a very frail old lady. The first time DS said it I actually looked around to see what/who else could actually be pushing him. It is his way of saying I am in a grump, please don't invade my space. I now try to respect his space if he is in a grump. But similarly ,if he needs gentle herding towards the front door on a school day then I will.

Good luck

Lweji Sun 16-Jun-13 09:24:32

Silly warnings are different from threats.

Does she scream or flinch when you touch her? Has she ever screamed murder when you handle her?
Or when anyone else does in front of you, including your OH?

My worry is that whatever happens is away from you.
And you have caught him lying about it.

I'm not saying leave now, but it must be understood that it is a possibility if you really want him to change, given what you have said so far.

Wellwobbly Sun 16-Jun-13 16:28:57

We must be careful what we say to children, because their cognitive development at that age means they CAN ONLY take things literally.

As long as your H has realised his mistake, is a good enough Dad and will take care not to mindlessly repeat his parent's stupid patterns say things like that again, onwards and upwards.

On the other thing? Lying on the floor chewing your TB is a very effective way of cleaning teeth! But really children at that age do not have the fine motor control to do dental hygiene properly, and to at least the age of 10 parents should be brushing their children's teeth (told me in all seriousness, by my dentist!).

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