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This seems a pointless exercise to me...

(124 Posts)
moolamoo Sat 15-Jun-13 13:02:43

As stated in the title, a man I have been seeing has told me he needs something from me that seems quite pointless...a week with no contact, to 'think'.

He ended things a few weeks ago, due to him not being in the right head space or something, and has gone through periods of telling me he needs to leave me alone, then saying he cant do that as something keeps drawing him back.

He came round for a talk last night. The gist of what he said is thay he cant work out whether he is madly in love with m or hates me...because I infuriate him so much beyond the point anyone ever has when we argue (I do push things quite far) but at the very same time he is so deeply drawn to me and I make him smile inside (a phrase i have never quite understood).
He doesnt feel like he wants to lose all contact, I make him happier than anyone ever has, we connect so deeply and he has felt pure joy when we have just messed around having a laugh...but doesnt feel like we have a future as he doesnt feel that core 'want' htobbe with me, date me etc.
But then he looked pained and asked why he doesnt feel that want to be with me, given that he feels all that other stuff for me.

We ended up in bed but he couldnt 'do' anything, saying it wasnt right if at this moment in time he cant envisage a future for us.

He then said that he wants/needs a week with no contact between us, so he can work out how he truly feels, whether the attraction is just physical or something more.

I have agreed, as I think the space will enable me to start to move on; as I really feel he cant gain the necessary feelings in 7 days and I dont see how he can work anything out in this time?

Can anyone shed any light on what he might be hoping to achieve? it just seems pointless to me.

ilikecooking Fri 21-Jun-13 21:27:29

I am wondering what's happened too....

bouquetdiva Fri 21-Jun-13 20:40:19

OP - Just wondered what happened after your week's break?

TiffanyAtBreakfast Mon 17-Jun-13 11:55:20

Also I can't believe you would stick around for someone who can't work out whether they even like you very much. Leave him and don't give him the satisfaction of deciding.

TiffanyAtBreakfast Mon 17-Jun-13 11:53:32

Go and buy 'He's Just Not That Into You'. Please. In my opinion having 'breaks' is a complete and utter waste of time and is really just an excuse for people to go and have a quickie with someone else while maintaining the security of running back to their relationship.

springytate Sun 16-Jun-13 20:52:09

I can't get out of my head that he fiddled around with you for 2 hours, didn't finish the deed; then revved up again a few hours later. When you were exhausted, having had little sleep.

And he's like this AT THE BEGINNING. I can't even imagine how bad he'd get further down the road.

I know I keep shouting but I am horrified at what he's doing. Doesn't it all have a kind of 'dead' feel to it to you? Doesn't it feel airless, no resonance somehow?

That fiddling around with you - and not actually delivering anything - is very probably a metaphor for the theme in your relationship. ie he messes with your head endlessly, until you're gagging and half dead. Even then, he doesn't deliver.

too, too awful sad

RinseAndRepeat Sun 16-Jun-13 16:11:54

His reasoning? He wants to hold all the cards, call all the shots and enjoy the satisfaction of keeping you dangling while he 'makes up his mind'.

He's not doing this to achieve any other purpose than getting a kick out of messing with your head. That's why it'll never stop and why he'll never change.

You do sound exactly like janitor lady. In which case I think you need a lot of help with your self esteem.

meditrina Sun 16-Jun-13 09:14:25

Not remotely mystifying.

He's seeing if his use of simple, well-known techniques do indeed turn you into an abject doormat who will put up with any only crap from him.

There is nothing unusual, special or unique about the simply dreadful behaviour he is showing.

You don't need to 'explain' this shittiness, just move away from it.

springytate Sun 16-Jun-13 00:47:33

oh dear GOD.

TELL HIM TO FUCK THE FUCK OFF!!!

AND FUCK OFF SOME MORE!!

TO THE FAR SIDE OF FUCK!!

WASTE OF SPACE WASTE OF SPACE WASTE OF SPACE

PULEASE don't put up with this shite for a second longer.

Tell him to volunteer for a space mission that orbits space for ever. then no-one will have to be exposed to this inexorable shit.

coffeeinbed Sat 15-Jun-13 22:47:05

Well, him being an arse might explain even more things.

because him being a vampire could explain a lot

does this man glitter? Is this twilight?

JulieMumsnet (MNHQ) Sat 15-Jun-13 22:32:03

We'd prefer it if you could report any concerns that you have to us rather then post them on a thread as you could be VERY wrong. wink

MNHQ

Helltotheno Sat 15-Jun-13 22:01:01

Everyone has advised you! You're fooling no-one with the whole 'see if I care' routine.. obviously you're desperately watching your phone 24/7 to hear from this guy. At least be honest with yourself if you're not going to be honest here.

He's pulling your strings. You're just making it so easy for him. Stop trying to second guess him and read his mind, just text him that it's over and move on already.

NutellaLawson Sat 15-Jun-13 21:50:03

The not having sex thing, yeah that is part of the pick up artist's repertoire and is one of the techniques to have you wriggling on a hook (he makes you feel great, makes it all about you, then backs out of actually having sex. So you think his feelings run deeper and he isn't just being a twat).

You want to know why he is doing the one week wait? - it's all part of being a PUA (pick up artist). I would lay money on this guy having joined the seduction community and learnt this stuff. From what you've said, his behaviour is just too textbook to be instinctive.

coffeeinbed Sat 15-Jun-13 21:24:36

It is mystifying actually.
Two hours of exploring and then falling asleep of tiredness?
LTB.

eimihi Sat 15-Jun-13 21:20:26

Sorry, didn't mean to embarrass you! Not at all.

The only odd bit is that after two hours he wasn't up to high doh with excitement to have you, to go all the way.... rather than 'just too tired'.

Strange his adrenaline didn't kick in and give him super energy!

CinnabarRed Sat 15-Jun-13 21:08:09

Two of them, like peas in a pod? Who'da thought?

moolamoo Sat 15-Jun-13 20:37:31

Ok I really need to go into details, do I? It got to midnight, we had spent a couple of hours talking and kissing, we went to bed and started cuddling up, he kissed my neck, back etc, he then spent a while touching me (you know) and kissing me, that all took about 2 hours altogether with general exploring each others bodies, by then he was too physically tired and I was having trouble keeping my eyes open lol, and as I had to be up at 5 for work we slept. And then at 5am he started kissing me again when I woke up and was turned on again but I had to go have a shower.

Not that mystifying really?

piffpoff Sat 15-Jun-13 20:35:51

Ok I've not read very single message as I need to get off the iPad in a minute but it seems clear that you've had lots of advice. Which is to dump this loser and run for the hills, this is the kind of shit I got sucked into years ago when I was very young and didn't know any better.

It all boils down to the fact that if he really wanted a relationship he would not be behaving this way. He wants to keep you on the back burner just in case. You can take this advice or leave it, I suspect you will leave it, but I think it's really better to be on your own than hanging around waiting for someone to make up their mind about whether they want a relationship or not.

eimihi Sat 15-Jun-13 20:29:12

I'm still trying to imagine you being in bed with a man who you describe as 'the sexiest person ever' and who claims to always feeling aroused when you're around him - yet he didn't make love to you.... just too damned tired, both of you. I have a job getting my head around that!

Surely one very tired person (--especially the male--) would have started something, just something, in spite of their fatigue?

'Tiredness' seems to be ruining people's lives here. Time to start eating spinach... or go to bed and just lie there forever...

NutellaLawson Sat 15-Jun-13 20:07:03

I'm with somethingtothinkabout. You are not listening. He isn't in turmoil about his feelings, you have bought into his (empty) flattery. you need to make yourself unavailable. Now. He is negging you. That makes him BAD NEWS.

RoooneyMara Sat 15-Jun-13 20:04:52

I have no idea.

moolamoo Sat 15-Jun-13 20:04:30

and fwiw, was browsing the threads earlier and there was one by purple something where they got accused of not listening to advice.

so how come no one is comparing me to or accusing me of being her?

RoooneyMara Sat 15-Jun-13 20:03:49

I hope you are Ok. Don't worry about it. MN is odd smile

moolamoo Sat 15-Jun-13 20:02:12

Well if you think I'm a janitor or shoe stealer or whoever else and you have nothing to offer in the way of advice, why not post on the other persons thread instead of mine?

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