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Help. Advice needed on how to help ds whose father left when he was a baby

(28 Posts)
bbqsummer Fri 14-Jun-13 22:53:54

I am a lone parent. Ds is now five but his dad (exHusband) walked out when he was six months old and there's never been any contact since. I have no idea where he is now.

ds knows that 'daddy ran away to another country' and that he was 'naughty' to do that, but that I love him totally and can love him enough for both of us and that he will always be loved and I am never ever going to leave him.

He's a confident, sociable, loving, clever boy with great friends. He's doing well at school and I pack a lot into our lives as possible. We are very close and have a super wamr loving relationship. The husbands of a couple of good friends are also around and make an effort to do dad things with him - bikes, fires, cars, go-karts etc. But of course they are not constants in his life iykwim.

In the last few days he's been throwing himself at other kids' fathers saying 'you're my daddy'. His teacher told me this today. She says he needs more 'boundaires' and that he has made two fathers (he doesn't know them) feel uncomfortable.

I am not sure what to do or how to help him.

Any advice? We have no family at all - so as well as zero father, he has no grandads, grannies, cousins, uncles etc. It really is just him and me.

Can anyone suggest what I should or can do and how I should adddress the throwing himself (desperately wanting rough and tumble) with him?

I'm going to copy and paste this into relationships too as people on there might know young children in a similar position whose mothers have found a way.

Thanks for reading.

bbqsummer Sat 15-Jun-13 22:12:24

Do I have a Daddy talks about reinforc ing the other family members - grandad and uncle etc. he simply doesn't hjave an yone like this and i dont want to make things harder for him! I am going to have to write my own book i reckon

girliefriend Sun 16-Jun-13 11:45:54

I think as someone else said it might be worth looking at booking him into a class where there would be some strong male role models. Have any of your friends got partners that would be happy to spend some 'boy' time with him?

My dd loves spending time with my bestfriends partner and even said to me on one occasion that she wishes he was her daddy! He will need some males in his life so it will just be finding a way of making that possible I suppose.

girliefriend Sun 16-Jun-13 11:51:11

But yes writing your own book is a good idea as well!! I found that book useful for getting the conversation started, its a non confrontational way my dd can say she is thinking about it or wants to talk about it if she goes and gets that book out.

However in the book the little boys dad was about when he was a baby which for my dd wasn't the case so I had to try and explain that was different. Its not easy and I suppose I am fortunate in that dd has got a grandad that she sees quite often (and who dotes on her) and I also have brothers so there is a few men about. If you asked my dd though she would say its a real daddy she wants though sad

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