Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Been told by a young colleague today that people don't date now

(57 Posts)
Sherbert37 Thu 13-Jun-13 23:36:26

Colleague in his late 20s was telling me how people go straight to fooling around in bed or having sex, then text and flirt after and never really date now. Is this really true? Would a 40 year old man expect that too or are the generations so different? Colleague couldn't believe I hadn't been out with anyone since my marriage broke up several years ago. I can't imagine doing what he described. Gulp!

LessMissAbs Thu 13-Jun-13 23:38:54

Pretty much so. Or they hang around each other in the same group of friends for months, maybe years, before eventually and stutteringly getting together.

I'm 29 and have never been on a date with someone I haven't already shagged/fooled around with. That said my experience is limited ad I've been with dp for 11 years!

But no, when I was a teen no-one 'dated', we hooked up in pubs and clubs, usually having met through mutual friends, often having known each other for a while.

BlueSkySunnyDay Thu 13-Jun-13 23:50:47

If you are in your 40s, I would assume you would be dating people of your own age? In which case I think you are quite safe to assume dating is still OK...well put it this way, if I were single your colleagues scenario would not be the way I would want to do things.

Sherbert37 Thu 13-Jun-13 23:52:16

Thanks for your replies. Getting my confidence back enough to flirt but still seems a very big leap to go straight to sex. Need to do something though or it'll be me and the dog rattling around at home for the next 40 years. Well, not the dog sadly!

BlueSkySunnyDay Thu 13-Jun-13 23:59:13

Well have a ramble about in the relationships section here (particularly with regard to internet dating) its pretty much a blueprint of what not to do

Startail Fri 14-Jun-13 00:02:52

I'm 45 and DH and I fell into bed together, got engaged and got married without going in a 'Date'.

I still joke DH has never actually booked a restaurant table and taken me out.

Sherbert37 Fri 14-Jun-13 00:05:49

But how well did you know him before Startail? Could imagine perhaps doing that with someone I had known for a while as part of a larger group but not from an Internet date. Over thinking this!

Startail Fri 14-Jun-13 00:14:35

I'd met him once for three days at the same conference exactly a year before and we'd hardly spoken as I was with my BF.

Hadn't thought about him in between at all.

Said BF was very sweet and very shy and thus DH is the only person I have ever slept with.

BlueSkySunnyDay Fri 14-Jun-13 00:15:07

Yeah but Sherbert, if you think to when we were younger grin there were always girls who did do it that way, it doesn't mean everyone does.

When we were younger and my friend got upset about being "used" because yet another one night stand hadn't phoned her - I had to point out that in that circumstance you are both agreeing to spend the night together not date - chances are you wont see them again.

These days you have the choice of playing the game how you want, in theory - just don't over think

Dontlookattheknees Fri 14-Jun-13 00:25:06

I'm a young person. I go (did go) on dates. They do still exist.

NoRainNoRainbow Fri 14-Jun-13 00:31:51

I'm in my mid twenties, I've always been on dates......I'm single again now. Now Im frightend! confused I've never had a one night stand, wouldn't even know how to go about it....what's the etiquette???

I'm going to be alone forever......wahhhhhhhhh <flails about on bed dramatically>

WafflyVersatile Fri 14-Jun-13 00:34:44

'british people don't date. they have a series of one night stands then realise they are living together'.

you don't have to do it that way, especially if you're older. plenty of dates happening on Online Dating sites.

ALittleStranger Fri 14-Jun-13 00:43:56

I'm late 20s. People do still go on dates, especially with the rise of online dating. But it's true that if people hook up with someone from their existing social/work circle they'll go straight to drunken shagging rather than dating and then never speak of it again or end up living together, but surely that was ever thus?

Discomama Fri 14-Jun-13 02:32:58

I'm newly single, pushing 40 and I've just been asked out on a date via online dating and he seems very nice and terribly handsome, I'm excited about going on dates, I'm certainly not averse to the occasional one night stand but to have the build up from a few dates smile we haven't been out yet......

garlicgrump Fri 14-Jun-13 02:46:50

Erm, I'm 58 and have done it both ways all my life! Your colleague's describing 'social sex', which is hardly a new phenomenon. All 20-year-olds think they've just invented it, though, so don't disillusion him wink

Some people are comfortable with inserting body parts before they've exchanged phone numbers. Some are too crap at conversation to manage a date. Some prefer to know each other really well before getting out the body parts. Play it by ear. Have fun!

BOF Fri 14-Jun-13 03:14:31

I agree with Garlic- look on any thread here about how people met their partners: there are plenty of posters who met their partners, shagged them, and never looked back. Equally, lots of them dated.

It takes all sorts.

scarecrow22 Fri 14-Jun-13 03:26:38

when you have drunk.tea sit comfortably and upright, take in good deep breaths and exhale slowly, really focussing on the breath and life giving oxygen coming iiiin ....and ...ouuuuut.

repeat...

have to go back to bed as am alone with 9 week old and toddler and a but destroyed, but holding your hand and will check in at next feed smile

keep breathing!

scarecrow22 Fri 14-Jun-13 03:27:53

sorry, so tired posted on wrong thread!
good luck dating...I'm 42 and would want to date first FWIW.

HullMum Fri 14-Jun-13 04:17:23

I think English people have weird dating rituals. It's all a bit "lets get drunk and shag, so we don't feel so socially akward about doing what we want to do". Just my take on it.

Sherbert37 Fri 14-Jun-13 05:54:45

Garlicgrump - said colleague thinks he has invented everything and is number one in all areas, haha. Think he is a bit bemused by me and my principles. I cheekily asked him what his qualifications were for dispensing dating tips as I wouldn't want to be receiving dodgy advice. He proudly texted back that he has exactly xx years of qualifications. Oh for the confidence of the young. Flirty texting with him is great fun but just need to find someone nearer my age to be brave with.

garlicgrump Fri 14-Jun-13 06:09:21

grin Well, if you want a confidence boost and it wouldn't ruin things at work, I reckon you could blow flirty Mr Know-It-All right out of orbit! You'd even be doing him a favour by sharing your experience wink

VivaLeBeaver Fri 14-Jun-13 06:34:23

I was thinking how shocking, then realised that's what me and dh did. Knew each other through mutual friends for years, got drunk one night and ended up in bed. But we did date after that.

niceupthedance Fri 14-Jun-13 06:34:52

Sounds about right to me. I've heard the phrase "I'm not looking to go on a date" quite a few times recently! I'm 39, latest 'hookup' is 32, neither of us want a relationship, though it might be different (regarding dates) for those that do.

VivaLeBeaver Fri 14-Jun-13 06:35:19

Sherbert - I think you should have sex with flirty bloke at work. Sounds like he wants it!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now