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How was it when your ex got a new partner?

(29 Posts)
FennCara Thu 13-Jun-13 20:44:26

Feeling a bit weird about this one. I've seen a few 'flings' breezing in and out of his life since we split. This one is a bit different I think.

Given that I'm having his third child in a few weeks, I don't exactly think he's much of a catch. But... I'm not really sure how I feel.

How did you feel?

FennCara Sun 16-Jun-13 00:41:53

Thanks all so much. I'm sorry so many of you have been in similar positions, but congrats on it being behind you now.

wavesandsmiles I've read your thread, you have a lot more to deal with than me and cope amazingly well. Sounds like we're due around the same time. Good luck with everything.

Lavenderhoney Sat 15-Jun-13 20:05:15

I pressed post before I finished- sorry - it was painful at first but i knew deep down it was always for the best, even if it didnt feel that way for a while. I used to write down what I felt, and then look back at it in a months time, and realise how change was good. No dc involved so different though.

I expect you'll be a great mum to your next baby, and ongoing to your other dc.

Lavenderhoney Sat 15-Jun-13 19:54:05

First one. -he had her up and running before I found out and dumped him. So all fury directed at him and her for not having the balls to get out in the open sooner and let me find someone better ( she was married)

Next- couldnt help seeing them as small town. She said rather too loudly " is that your ex?" And he said " yeah, ignore her, she's mental" she looked all protective, clasping his arm in hers as though i was going to fall to my knees and grab his trousers - and he winked at me.. So lucky escape there.

After that, I did the finishing. The merest hint of a red flag and goodbye. No more second chances. You can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear.

susiedaisy Sat 15-Jun-13 19:35:42

It was hard, he started seeing someone 4 months after we split, after 20 years together, but for me the hardest thing had been watching him being a dad to the new women's child when he couldn't be bothered to be a dad to his own, that's been really painful to watchhmm

gamerchick Sat 15-Jun-13 19:22:50

Practically fucking backflips and I warned her, she didn't listen and now is struggling to get rid of him just like I did. She thought I had treated him appallingly in the early days.

I'm sorry this is happening to you op, your baby will bring you some joy, despite the fucktard he/she came from. good luck.

wordyBird Sat 15-Jun-13 19:14:53

If he can leave the mother of his own child, and attach strongly to someone else - before the child is even born - he is a very unpleasant piece of work, with very shallow emotions.

IMO it's very unlikely he's cut his teeth on you and will now magically grow up. He will just carry his shallowness and sense of entitlement from woman to woman, ad infinitum. It's not something that can be fixed sad

It hurts though FennCara, I know. It will pass. Hope your new baby brings some joy to your life.

TurnipCake Sat 15-Jun-13 11:56:39

It was excruciating because I was left for someone else, and ex seemed to delight in telling me how he preferred her company to mine.

As Cogito said, the pangs don't hit as much when you're concentrating on yourself with fulfilling things.

It was actually a year ago when things started to go downhill, and I'm better for not having him in my life. The OW did me a 'kindness' as it were for taking him out of my hands and she gets all the perks of being with a total dickhead.

I'm nearly 34 weeks pregnant with Stbxh's baby and found out a couple of weeks ago he is involved with someone else. I reckon they deserve each other, and in a way am very relieved I found out what he was really like before the baby arrived. Still hurts a lot that he can move on so quickly and enjoy his new life whilst I'm tryin to cope alone. Sending empathy to all in a similar position

FennCara Sat 15-Jun-13 11:42:47

sad Some cruel twunts around.

And then again, I know there are decent men. Unfortunately they married my friends instead.

jynier Sat 15-Jun-13 02:56:41

Have been reading the posts on here; I was devastated when I met XP's partner after our split! Can't describe her as the "new" p as they had been conducting an affair for 7 years behind my back. Still hurts!

Selba Fri 14-Jun-13 23:11:42

A little bit sad but she seemed lovely and I wished then every happiness.

15 years on they are getting divorced and once again I feel sad

LittleDonkin Fri 14-Jun-13 22:31:20

I know exactly how you are feeling FennCara! I am 28 weeks pg with my husbands 2 DC we also have a 2.5 yo DD. We separated in March while we were based out in Cyprus with the armed forces. He moved into the singles block but jumped straight into a fling with a lass and was taking her for weekends in hotels the whole works. She was in his room 1st thing on a Saturday morning 2 weeks after we had separated! I didn't care that he was sleeping with another woman but the fact he did it so soon upset me. And the fact he was seeing her rather than spending time with DD. He is now friends with a lass on FB and I can see all the comments he writes on her statuses and pictures as her profile is open for everyone to see and they are talking about "seeing how it goes" when he gets posted back to the UK next month.

FennCara Fri 14-Jun-13 20:08:43

grin Special Degree of Cuntishness. I will remember that. At least he showed it before I wasted any more energy on him.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 14-Jun-13 19:28:21

It also shows a Special Degree of Cuntishness though doesn't it?! I have a very beautiful dd for similar reasons Fenn. (She gets her brains from me!). I wonder if this will be more of an asset to her, than the anti-asset of having a twunt for a father...beats up self.

FennCara Fri 14-Jun-13 19:23:54

Certainly no loss. Nice to look at, but no loss. (And if I want to appreciate his beauty, I'd far rather look at his DCs!)

The speed of it does smart. I completely understand "apparently replaceable." That's probably what's sending me into seethe mode.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 14-Jun-13 18:52:17

I found it hard. I never wanted him back, but the speed at which he formed a new relationship, including announcing wedding before the divorce was through, made me feel sad that I was so apparently replaceable. Doesn't seem like he's changed though, and will probably end up being abusive to her also.

dandydorset Fri 14-Jun-13 18:21:40

totally natural how your feeling

truth is if he was mentally/physical abbussive to you the chances are he always will be no matter what his partner is like,he will do the same to her

if he was to you he is no loss,

good luck with your future

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Fri 14-Jun-13 17:46:10

Fenn... I know exactly how you feel. We can only hope that our ex's find partners they actually want to be worthy of who will be good and positive influences on our children. This girl could be the making of your ex and, by association, somebody fantastic in your children's lives who will not allow your ex to stuff them full of his own bad habits.

... and when they come home, they'll have you, their lovely Mum, their constant.

Try to think of it that way but acknowledge that it 'smarts' and it's ok to feel that way. Vent here. This is a good place. smile

DiaryOfAWimpyMum Fri 14-Jun-13 17:22:40

I was gutted to begin with but I'm quite happy now tbh, I don't think my life would as easy if he were single, he is engaged but will not divorce me so not sure how it will pan out, I would think in your position it would be very normal to be hurt, especially as it has been quite recent.

Time does work wonders, time and putting distance between you I would advise.

FennCara Fri 14-Jun-13 17:19:33

Thank you for the support, I'm finding the days I spend seething are increasing as the due date gets nearer. I spent far more time seething when I was with him though. I'll blame hormones.

In a strange way I actually hope he has cut his teeth on me, and will now stop being a prick. I hate to imagine our kids growing up as mind-bendingly entitled as he is. If he does get married/ reproduce again, I genuinely hope he doesn't make the same mistakes.

I have the "why couldn't you love me like that" moments, but if it takes another woman to sort him out, then it's probably worth the rejection. Just stop being a prick now.

DeckSwabber Fri 14-Jun-13 16:46:25

In my situation I felt relieved - he was an angry ex and him having a new partner was good as it confirmed the split for me. Having said that, I think even now I would feel a bit odd if he had another baby. Something about my children having a half sibling who I would want them to love but who I am unlikely to ever know.

However, if you are pregnant I can only imagine it is terribly hard to see him merrily getting into a new relationship while you have the baby to worry about. In time you may find it helpful as you are unlikely to be entertaining any false hopes.

Hope all goes well for you.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Fri 14-Jun-13 15:28:30

It's a jolt, isn't it? Sometimes you wish you could warn the new partner but it can be premature to do that. I'm glad I've kept my mouth shut before now as, however difficult it is to hear, sometimes it's almost as if your ex has 'cut their teeth' on you, made their mistakes, vows to do better - and does. Their new partner isn't you, is a different person and wham, they're everything that your ex should have been with you.

Sympathies though, Fenn, hope everything goes well for you.

FennCara Fri 14-Jun-13 14:18:19

shock Colin! But yes you're right about a line being drawn. Takes away the uncertainty. Should make divorce simpler.

ColinButterfly Fri 14-Jun-13 11:10:21

Shit because I was still going out with him when I saw him with her and he introduced me as his ex! I'm now grateful she took the abusive twunt off my hands, I'm just sorry that she is going to get repaid with abuse and be me in about two years time. Oh well! But hugs, because drawing a line under everything and moving on always makes you feel a bit shit. It'll come good.

FennCara Fri 14-Jun-13 11:07:36

I think I was warned in the early days! And no, I didn't.

I'm sure I have a better life than he does.

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