I have a very complicated relationship with my Mum. She was very physically, verbally and emotionally abusive as I was growing up and my overwhelming feeling towards her was fear. She regularly told me she wished she had "got rid" of me and "flushed me down the toilet".
As I have got older I have stood up for myself more and we reached a bit of an even keel, where we had a good relationship and she was supportive and helped me out quite a bit, with my dc and just generally being ok, there was the odd slip where it seemed she was reverting to type but I would usually be able to get things back to normal again.
One thing I cannot forget though is this. My Mum told me from quite a young age, I was about 10 that she had been sexually abused as a child by her Dad . This would usually come out in the course of one of her meltdowns when I had been "naughty" and obviously it was very inappropriate for her to tell me this stuff but it was obviously a huge burden for her.
Anyway, when I was even younger than that, my Mum used to occasionally leave me with my Grandad (her Dad) while she went shopping sometimes for whole afternoons and I remember that she would make me promise to stay outside in the garden, where he was working and not go into the house with him. I would have been between the ages of 5 and 9 when these occasions happened. I did used to go into the house with him but nothing ever happened. What I cannot get my head round though is the fact that she had been abused by this man but would leave me with him as a young child and also make me responsible for my own safety by telling me not to go into the house with him, even if he told me to.
Can I ask for your thoughts on this please? I find the whole thing very confusing and I cannot get my head round it, its often on my mind. She presents herself as the perfect mother now and its like everything else never happened. I don't really know where to go with this but I feel like I don't like her very much at all which is a head mess when she is performing as the good mother now. Sorry this is so long.
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Would you confront about this?
10 replies
sequinsanddiamonds · 09/06/2013 16:58
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