STBX - STBSIL

[Blockette]

My Brother and his Fiancée have just split up. They have been together for 10 years and she's been living in my parents house all that time (I moved out 6 years ago).

She didn't cheat or anything, but she doesn't love him any more. She tried to keep it to herself until after his exams where over, but he picked up on signs, and she moved out yesterday. My brother is devastated and wants a clean break, not even friends. He is quite bitter about it, but wont say anything bad about her.

But I don't know where that leaves me? It's her birthday on Tuesday do I send her a card/present? I lived with her like a sister for 4 years, my parents pretty much took her in (she was kicked out of her mums, and had a slight drug problem - which my brother got her off, got her a job, encouraged her to go back to school, and learn to drive ect, he changed her life for the better). She was my maid of honour just over a year ago, she was like a big sister, although I must admit to not seeing too much of her over the last few months.

She has moved home to her own parents, and has her own brothers and sisters. - do I leave her alone with them and cut contact, like my brother has or do I still carry on, as if nothing has happened?

(My brother hasn't stated a preference)

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I think this kind of situation tests loyalties in a 'blood is thicker than water' kind of way. I'd say your first loyalty is to your brother and you should be very sensitive to his pain. She has her own family. Your brother may be OK with you keeping up with this woman but I know that if my family had kept all cosy-cosy with my ex after he had left me feeling smashed to smithereens I'd have been really upset. I don't even like hearing his name mentioned.

[meditrina]

What would you normally do for her birthday?

[kalidanger]

I'd talk to my DB. Perhaps say you'll send her a card and a note but don't see her for a while.

Had he said he doesn't care if you remain friends with her (a fib!) or that he doesn't care? You have to talk to him.

[kalidanger]

Or 'do want you want'* Soz, on phone and not proofing.

[SodaStreamy]

it is all so very recent that I would send a card (if that's what you normally do) but perhaps ask your brother if he is ok with that

When myself and my husband spilt his sister wouldn't talk to me for about a year. We were really good friends before hand and it did hurt but I understood she had to show loyalty to her brother.

After everything calmed down and a few years later we are good friends again and went on holiday together last year

[Blockette]

Thanks for all your answers. I think I will text her, but nothing more. She would have gone out with My family for a meal, and maybe seen her family for an hour before the break up.

I have spent all night talking to my brother, and from the sound of how he is, I think he would be hurt if he knew we were still friends. - cut contact it is then, I just hope she understands. If I see her on the street I wouldn't ignore her, but I won't 'keep contact'.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

There's nothing to stop you sending a text saying that you wish her well but that, in the circumstances, you have to support your brother and won't be in touch. Imagine if the boot was on the other foot and it was you that had been dumped from a great height. You'd expect your brother to prioritise you rather than your ex... no matter how well they used to get on.