Just posted in pregnancy loss as is coming up to what should of been my due date and this has dredged up lots of feelings. I'm starting a thread here because didnt think this part of it would be ok on that board iykwim?
Brief background:
Me and XDP planned baby, I got pregnant, at 12 week scan find out baby has disability incompatible with life, had a TFMR. I struggled with the desiscion, but it was anacephaly so baby would have died a few hours after birth or been still born later in pregnancy, so felt I had no choice.
Now I can see XDP was incredible EA, he said horrible, degrading things about myself and DD.
Gas lighting, compulsive lying, re writing history, stonewalling, he had all of those lovely qualities.
But the thing that infuriates me the most, is that, after the termination, he was fine. I then got ill, seriously ill. And it was like a light switch went off in his head, he was so cruel.
I had to call my own ambulance twice, he refused to call it for me, then shouted at me for waking him up (he was sleeping on the sofa as he refsused to sleep in the bed with me once i got ill) he hid my phone chargers when I could barely move so my phone ran out of battery and left me home alone while I was heamorraghing (sp) and had serious infection. (if my mum didnt happen to come round have a key I'd be dead) he didnt even care about this, it took him 12 hours to come to the hospital when I was rushed in.
Everyday while I was ill I had a variation of
I love you but I'm not in love with you, I'm leaving you
I'm don't want to be with you anymore I'm not happy blah blah blah, when I called him on it and said leave then, he refused.
Another time I had a heavy bleeding episode and he shut me in the bathroom and went to bed when I was in and out of consciousness.
Another time I was heavily bleeding, I mean heavily heavily, and he started having sex with me, I was crying, he stopped, slapped me ro
The last thing that happened was that, He said he wished it would of been my DD that had been terminated then got angry when I wouldnt agree I cried and cried when he said that and told him to leave, he said refused, then apologised, then spent about an hour telling me:
how he was better than me in everyway
how his family hated me
how my life was shit without him,
how it was my fault (the anacephaly)
How he was glad he didnt waste his life on me
And that he was LEAVING ME because he wanted to go to the pub and live with him mum.
then left me while screaming at me that I'd dumped him, he left
Thank for for bearing with me!!
I didn't hear from him for 6 weeks, he then turned up with all sad and down, saying how heartbroken he was how he cried everyday and missed me and wasn't happier without me.
I then asked him, ok so why did you behave the way you did?
He has no answer, he just said I don't know, I gave him examples (like the situations above) and he just said, I don't know. And left.
I deleted his number and got on with my life but now it's nearly my due date, this is making me furious.
Why would someone treat anyone they were supposed to have loved like that when they was ill? Why be ok after the termination then go bat shit when I was ill? Why why why? I know this is pointless, and I need to let it go, but it infuriates me, if he gave me a reason I'd be fine.
But he never did.
If I'm missing anything, if the reason is glaringly obvious, please say, I'm really struggling with it all today
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Why, why, why??!!! Why couldn't he answer a simple question????
56 replies
Yearofme · 06/06/2013 20:59
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