Gay Relationships

[gayman31]

First of all I am a single Dad 31 years of age with 2 children from a heterosexual relationship. I have not always known I was gay though I have always felt different from straight men.

My problem is that I never seem to meet gay men who want a serious long term relationship and have been messed around by a lot of so called nice guys. I worry that I will end up alone and although I have 2 children which are my world I do miss a life partner.

I have dabbled into internet dating and found it rubbish so don't want to go down that route again.

If there are any gay Mum's or Dad's on here where did you meet your same sex partner?

I should also add I am not into the scene and just your average everyday man who no one would be able to tell I was gay.

Just looking to hear from anyone's own experiences.

Thanks

Matthew

[ScariestFairyByFar]

I've always met my xp's through the scene or sports clubs. Where in the country are you? Are there any smaller gay men's dating sites know there are for women and they tend to attract a different crowd from gaydar etc

[JackieTheFart]

Hi there Matthew,

I'm neither gay nor a man, but just wanted to tell you it is possible to meet someone interested in a long-term relationship.

I can't speak for every side of their relationship of course, but I have two gay (male) cousins and they are both in committed relationships. One has been with his partner for over 20 years.

Good luck!

[gayman31]

Jackie, where did your 2 male cousins meet? That's really nice to here that one has been together for 20 years. Good for them :-)

@ScariestFairy I am in Essex. I don't find any internet dating is any good personally whether it be POF or Match. In fact I have met more people off Gaydar but that was 10 years ago when it was better. I am not into clubbing but I do like nice pubs or bars. Do you go to specifically gay sports clubs? I know there is a group called outdoor lads which arranges walking, camping and canoeing trips but these tend to be based in Birmingham or London.

[ashamedgay]

do your children know your gay?

[EllieArroway]

Hi Matthew

My brother has been with his partner for about 11 years now (they'll marry as soon as it's legal) - and they met in a gay bar in Brighton! Sounds dreadfully cliched, I know, but it's true.

Also - 31 is very young still (yes, really!) so there's plenty of time yet.

[onefewernow]

Plenty of gay men in civil partnerships where I live, albeit older. I dont know how they met.

[gayman31]

Children know about me ashamedgay.

Would appear from the posts that most people still meet their partners through everyday life then. Still the best way I think. I am just trying to get more involved with things that interest me.

[gayman31]

It would just be nice to meet a gay man who is not into casual sex. I'll admit I have had casual sex but I deeply regret it and do feel worthless and ashamed over it. May as well visit a prostitute because that's what it equates to giving your body to someone without emotional commitment. I never meet anyone who wants commitment. Is it so much to ask for??

[ashamedgay]

How did your children take it if you don't mind me asking?

[overture]

Hello Gayman!

I also wanted to chime in, I'm neither male/gay but have a very dear cousin who is, and he also has been in a +20 year relationship. I'm couldn't tell you how they met, as they've been together so long, I'll ask him tho. If I had to venture a guess, I would say perhaps Uni, they are very happy and one of the loveliest couples I know.

Have you ever thought of online dating? I don't know much about it, but it might be interesting and you could perhaps find someone with similar interests?

There is someone for everyone in this world, and when you are least looking is usually when you find love. I hope and wish you all the best luck.

[gayman31]

@ Overture I have one online dating but never been successful. If it was that successful for people then why am I still single after 7 years?? I am good looking and have a lot to offer the right man but I only ever seem to meet losers, closet cases or druggies. Ive tried Plenty of Fish, Gaydar, Fitlads, Manhunt and absolute rubbish. I met my first partner at a gay social group and did go back a couple of months ago but it was mostly older men and not my bag at all.

My interests include animals, gardening, cinema, museums, astrology, cooking, listening to music, music festivals, going walking, jogging, gym.

I also campaign against animal testing and belong to Uncaged campaigns.
I work as a landscape gardener which can be lonely at times but I love the job I do and am good at it.

Thanks for giving me hope Overture.

@ Ashamedgay they were fine about it.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

How weird, one of my friends who is in a committed relationship with his partner is a gardener too. You haven't broken up with the man we lovingly refer to as Clarke Kent, have you? Say it aint so...

I don't know how they met but my other couple friends in a long relationship met at work. That's the problem with a lonesome job, you won't meet a nice man there.

Everyone on here always recommends Guardian Soulmates. Worth a try?

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I just looked. There are some cuties on there.

My DH is going to wonder why I searched an online dating site for men seeking men. That's going to take some explaining...

[MrsTerryPratchett]

One of the quotes is, "Got to be better than gaydar... please lord, let it be better than gaydar."

[Mumsyblouse]

I have a good male friend who is with a man who has two children (i.e. from his marriage) and they are in a committed relationship, I don't actually know how they met but I do know that your problem of just meeting people who just want to have sex and not much else is not a gay problem, if you read the boards here regularly you will see loads of hetero women moaning exactly about the same thing about all the guys they meet wanting sex. The only advice I can give is don't frequent places that people really do go on just to get a shag (poF) but going out to places you are likely to meet nice people- the old gay bar is a cliche but that's where my friend certainly used to meet people, some of whom wanted relationships. It is hard though, as hook ups are the norm and to some extent it's hard to get past that.

[gayman31]

Not me MrsTerryPratchett Im I have looked on Youtube about the quality of Plenty of Fish and many people say avoid it on there. I have been told that there are of a lot of faces from Gaydar on there. Can't decide whether to use Match or Dating Direct. There have been issues with cancelling direct debits on Match and it is quite expensive too. But if you get a better clientele then got to be better.

[gayman31]

Ive signed up to Match.com so will see how we get on but deleting pof as its rubbish.

[Earthworms]

Guardian soul mates?

A straight friend met some good uns on there. I'm guessing gay people read the guardian too :)