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Dating thread 55, everyone welcome!

(1000 Posts)
lubeytoobooby Fri 31-May-13 13:19:39

Woop! Lubes is BACK grin

newbies, daters, those taking a break, online dating real life dating or otherwise, and the loved up.... all welcome!

Off we go -chit chat away.

(I might even dip a toe back in myself)

velvetspoon Sat 15-Jun-13 19:52:28

I'm a bit disappointed everything has kicked off again.

I did say I didn't want a huge row on my account. I hoped there wouldn't be one. This all started because of me, Watch having picked up on something which I myself agreed with, that I wasn't really ready for all the move on, get on with it kind of advice. A slightly tough love approach works for some people, but it doesn't for me. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I had a lot of feelings for C, and it will take me some time of being sad, and feeling despondent, to get over it. Bant thanks for what you said in response to that, and you too Snape.

Now I know this thread doesn't revolve around me. I do think a lot of myself but not quite that much! Watch said something in her original post about me not receiving as much sympathy as others. I did say earlier I didn't feel people had been unsympathetic, and that's true. But it's hard not to notice that pretty much since then, with a couple of exceptions plus the ones mentioned above, there has been so much mud being thrown around, no-one seems that bothered about me not when there are points to be scored. Which actually sort of seems to prove the point Watch was making...I don't expect to be the centre of attention but it just seems a shame that things have gone off at a tangent just because one person has posted rather half those people having read what she actually said or my response to that.

I've probably not worded this very well, I am very tired having had about 2 hours sleep last night because I kept waking up and checking my phone for a text that never came.

confused

its an open thread, yes? not PM.

I would think that seeing a ton of stuff have been deleted today, and none of it by me, would show im not the one in the wrong here.. Ive not done anything wrong. Im not deserving of the shit slinging that is happening here for no reason.

so please, just leave it. it isnt nice for anyone

JulieMumsnet (MNHQ) Sat 15-Jun-13 19:59:10

ProperStumped

*Julie*, I meant that it was only fair to remember the history of this poster, not that it's only fair that we can post PA's grin

It's not on to derail threads with pa's resulting from issues on other threads. If anyone has an issue with a particular poster we'd prefer it if the issue was reported to us so that we can look at it.

Snapespeare Sat 15-Jun-13 20:09:17

velvet lovely, what would you do if he did text you now & it was a tepid 'well, alright' ?

What would you want to change and what do you think he/you (mainly him... hmm ) needs to do to make that happen?

I know you don't need straight talk just now, I'm just curious...and I'm very, very sorry he's let you down. Because you have a HUGE big heart and he absolutely wasn't deserving of it. You were exceptionally kind to me about voldemort, as was just about everyone on the thread (I still remember and thank you)

Without any hint of a gloat, I was surprised at how quickly I realised Vold was a twat (& I take your point about the thread not being all about me...) and then nameless bowled up. I have no idea where that is going (I don't give a stuff. I've let go of a lot of things thanks to this thread) what I am trying to say is, we don't know what is around the corner. Anything could happen! Your hope and trust and kindness towards others are beautiful qualities and if someone can't appreciate that, then (sorry) the very best thing to do is to kick his arse to the curb and enjoy your jackie Collins awesomeness.

I admire you. I love your fortitude and (eventual!) decisiveness in sending the text-of-doom & being BRAVE. Jackiefuckingcollins.

KinNora Sat 15-Jun-13 20:11:34

Velvet I'm sorry you feel like you've been lost in all this, I was going to post but ended up feeling irritated (not by you) and took myself away.

I'm sorry as well if you thought I was advocating a 'tough love' approach, anything but really. I know absolutely what the complete withdrawal with no explanation, no goodbye, one minute 'rest of our lives together' next minute, radio silence is like - this is/was Spud's modus operandi, I just think you should be kinder to, and less disparaging of, yourself.

Velvet, I'm sorry too blush

You know how much you're loved here. And we all know that the problem is NOT you. But you don't sad

You know, i never came on here to post to cause trouble. Tbh that has never ever been my intention.

I posted because i had sometihng to say, i understand if that doesnt sit well with some people, but i wasnt rude nor blaming nor nasty to anyone. It was just a point.

I really havent deserved any of the shit that has come my way today. I am not the person a few of you have me down as being. Ive been on MN for years, since 2006, i have many friends from in, in RL to because of it. I have never had arguments with posters until a few on this thread took a dislike to me. Since then ive been attacked and when ive responded ive been attacked again. I never reported posts because i believe in settling things on a personal level, this was my own stupidity and i see now had i had behaved differently and reacted differently, it might have had a different outcome.

I have no ulteriour motive and im not sure what some of you might think that motive might be? or what you think im trying to do to you all?

ive not argued with posters from the very beginning, far from it and anyone that has known me for any lenght of time will be able to confirm that. Ive got some ' MN royalty' on my fb who i speak to, i am not some sort of derranged cow bag a few of you have me marked as.

It is just not nice in any way to be so nasty, and im sure if any of you were subject to what some of you post to me, you would be very upset, i am upset.

Lurkers and namechangers coming out to the woodwork to sling more shit.... just not nice.

can it not just stop, please.

Ikester Sat 15-Jun-13 20:16:04

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

also, bearing in mind i posted to say it was unfair to velv in the first place.

not to cause some great big row. She shouldnt have got lost in this at all.

ToTheTeeth Sat 15-Jun-13 20:22:20

Watch just stop. Stop picking, stop always trying to have the last word, stop going on and on about it. Stop.

Ikester Sat 15-Jun-13 20:22:31

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

i am, im trying to clear the air!!

ive been telling others to stop, they dont, they tell me i cant tell them what to post.

Ikester Sat 15-Jun-13 20:27:18

Goodness gracious me...

sad

velvetspoon Sat 15-Jun-13 20:28:28

Snape if he did text me now (and while I hope he will, I don't really expect him to any more) I don't think I want to go back just to how things were. I'm doing all the being upset about him now - I wouldn't want to go back to the whole 'we're only dating' thing and then in another couple of months (which was when I had roughly in my head thought I would need things to progress or I'd call it a day) if nothing had changed have to do it all again then. If we were to see each other again, it would have to be as a relationship (and i'd finally get to change my relationship status on FB, which is a HUGE thing for me), and I'd have to see him at least once a week. All of which is probably even less of a possibility than him contacting me smile See, I still have a sense of humour. Or a bit of one.

Thank you for saying you admire me, I am blush. I do like myself, it won't seem like it but I do. But I never expect men to see what I see, that they will appreciate all the things I think are good about me, mainly because with 1.5 exceptions (C can only be a .5 at best, because if he'd appreciated me he wouldn't have behaved as he has) they never have.

Sometimes it seems impossible to me that anything good will happen given how much that isn't good comes my way. I can only hope I'm wrong about that.

TortillasAndChocolate Sat 15-Jun-13 20:30:46

Well after a day out with DS I've settled on the sofa and logged in to find out what's happening in the dating world of mumsnet - I've read all the posts and I'm still not much wiser grin

Anyway to change the subject, thought I would introduce myself..!

I'm 31 with a 2 year old DS. Ex left for OW just over a year ago - very long story which I won't go into but needless to say my heart was completely broken and I thought I would never recover. But here I am a year on, feeling stronger - usually.

I've joined POF and am chatting to someone on there. He has gone away for a couple of days and suggested meeting up when he's back. I'm not sure I'm attracted to him but I guess you never know until you meet.

I've also been getting some Facebook messages from a single friend of my ex's - or they were friends when we were together but ex has broken away from all his previous friends since we split. Anyway, I have a crush on this guy but not sure if it's a good idea to pursue or even if he is interested or just being friendly!

brokenhearted55 Sat 15-Jun-13 20:32:13

So we had a nice text conversations today. Actually settled on Saturday. So we.might go to a park or if weather doesn't permit a gallery etc. Good idea?!

JulieMumsnet (MNHQ) Sat 15-Jun-13 20:35:49

Peace and love and all of that.

We think it's about time that this thread went back on track. Best of luck to you all.

thanks

OhWesternWind Sat 15-Jun-13 20:35:59

Broken - glad you've got something sorted.

Hello Tortilla - well, I always say if they sound okay then go along and meet them because ^ you never know^. You honestly can't tell until you actually meet if there's a spark or not. Personally I'd steer very clear of anyone who had connections with my ex, but if you're okay about that, then just see what happens.

BloomingRose Sat 15-Jun-13 20:36:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsCellophane Sat 15-Jun-13 20:37:31

Coming out of hiding to give Velvet a hug. I hope you come through all this stronger and more fabulous than you already are. Am so sorry that C couldn't step up, you were right to text him, just sorry he wasn't nice enough to give you what you deserve.

As for the other stuff, people just stop. Can you see what you are writing???

There is no need. It's a dating thread, it doesn't belong to anyone, anyone can post. Not everyone is going to like each other but there is bullying on here and it shouldn't continue

The most baffling thing is all the namechangers, can't you be woman enough to say things under your own names?

On dating news - hotbut has a girlfriend! So not fair, he was the best FWB in the history of FWB. MrCM also has a GF, but got him out of my head months ago

I am waiting tonight to see if I am meeting someone who so far has been funny and not crude and have been invited out for lunch tomorrow by someone else. Haven't been on a date in months, we have all been trying to get over the death of our friends little girl, which is still excrutiating

Ikester Sat 15-Jun-13 20:43:44

Oh dearie me..

Snapespeare Sat 15-Jun-13 20:47:07

ike I absolutely expect a bit of superstar DJ-ing from you tonight. Music unites n all that. wink grin

BillMasen Sat 15-Jun-13 21:03:44

Well. Italian responded with an attempted defence of her position. Namely that she's not playing the field, it's one date and with someone she knows anyway. I think I'm done. I was expressly clear that this is the point at which it's exclusive, should we arrange the next date. Take it or leave it.

Now, my view of dating is that you should decide after a couple of meetings if you want to carry on. If you do, then that new relationship needs to be given the chance to succeed and that means not splitting time and attention over other dates. You can't "see how it goes" with someone if you're "seeing how it goes" with others can you?

Or is that putting too much pressure on that new relationship? Should we multiple date until we're sure they are "the one"?

ALittleStranger Sat 15-Jun-13 21:12:37

Bill I have come around to your way of thinking. I think it's very hard to "see how it goes" if you're actively looking for and arranging dates with other people. OD is so active, it's not like when it's just RL and you might have a drunken snog shag that just kind of happened with someone else in the early days of a relationship.

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