So he has a job in Australia thank god, that means we aren't in immediate dire straits any more.
He has to go off and attend a training course for two weeks in Brisbane which gives me some long over due space and takes away the heat and constant arguments.
It also means it's decision time really in my mind, I have excuses as to why we were still under the same roof etc and now they've gone so if I'm still here it has to be for the right reasons.
So my part in all this.
I married him for the wrong reasons, I was a single mum to an 11 month old baby when I met him. I wanted a family and a father for her and he ticked the required boxes, job, house, not an alcoholic or violent person.
He worked away a lot from day one and that suited me.
Our relationship has always been around the children, doing things as a family.
We have little in common, both need counselling to ensure we handle things properly and communicate effectively - even if not together - I appreciate pretending something didn't happen isn't the way to handle things.
I've also completely ignored his wishes at times, got a dog when he was adamant he thought it was a bad idea and it was.
The bottom line is having spent months digging through all this shit is that we both felt neglected at times, his response was the affairs and they were all very brief - weeks rather than months - he never wanted to leave at any point - they fizzled out quickly.
My response when feeling neglected was to have another baby, get a dog, another cat, move house, extend it - you get the picture - anything but throw time and energy at my marriage.
So if we both acknowledge that was wrong - he is being husband of the bloody year at the moment, flowers, cards, ice cream, breakfast in bed, 50/50 childcare and house work - can we work this through or is it just too bad ?
I've told everyone we know what happened.
My life without him, I imagine will be harder and tbh it's bloody stressful anyway.
I would still divorce him to make my point and then if we are together going forward it's because we both want it work.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
An update but more advice required if I may please ?
Mosman · 26/05/2013 08:35
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