Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Posters, Lurkers, Old Or New, Come Take A Seat, This Bus Is For YOU!

(1000 Posts)
Mouseface Fri 24-May-13 10:33:25

Hello, I'm Mouse smile

A huge big welcome to the Brave Babes threads.

We're a varied group of posters, on this wonderfully supportive, non judgemental, gigantic Bus, and we are all heading in the same direction - towards Sobriety.

Some of us don't touch a drop of alcohol, some of us do. Some of us drink too much, openly admit it and are desperate to stop and some of us are trying to manage controlled drinking.

No matter what we're doing, we're just trying to do it One Day At A Time.

What ever you need, what ever your habit, chances are that there'll be another poster who is just like you or has been where you are now, already here, waiting to talk or just listen smile

Yes, some of us have been here for a longer time than others, some of us for just a few days but that's what makes this Bus so great imo, the variety of knowledge and understanding smile

This Bus has been whizzing along various roads now for almost four years thanks to the very desperate cry for help from THIS THREAD BY JWN

And if you'd like to read some of the other threads, maybe how we got to where we are today, then you can follow them back using the links RIGHT HERE

Hope to see you soon smile

babyjane1 Fri 24-May-13 18:32:48

Hi babes, I totally sympathise with the comments re teenage dd's, this time last year my daughter came swimming with me, she loved me playing with her hair, she thought it was cool I went to tap classes and laugh too loud, she made me feel like I was special. Now she won't go swimming cos it'll ruin her hair, my loud laugh makes her cringe and prefers no physical contact, it feels like a loss to me, my little girl thinks I'm a loser, it hurts me every day, I miss my daughter!!! My mum assures me to be patient, she'll be back someday in years to come..... alias my gran had a very wise saying "you can walk through a storm and get knocked down by a cold wind" I guess this means us mums have so many huge challenges to face which but every now and again it's the wee things that catch us out, it's ok to cry babe!!!! I've had a tough day and really want to drink, but I won't x x

Aw mouse, big hugs for you a huge selection of cheeses for you to nibble on & a cozy hot water bottle x
Baby I so relate to what you are saying. My dd was so lovely, loving & sweet & often think I miss my little girl who loved her mum so much.
I too really, really want a drink tonight.
I feel like my life sucks & alcohol has always helped to mask this but the hangovers with my toddler are just not worth it. I saw my childless neighbours come home earlier with a couple of bottles of booze & was jealous of how easy things must be for them.
Stay strong brave babes x

aliasjoey Fri 24-May-13 20:41:14

Oh dear mouse that doesn't sound good. A nice warm bath and an early night?

I'm feeling quite pleased because at no point today did I even think about buying some wine, despite being so upset earlier. It's like the reflex is disappearing. When It Happened this morning, I had a fleeting wish to get drunk, but it immediately went away as I thought "No. It's the wrong day and even if it was a Saturday/Sunday, drinking to hide from upsetting emotions is the wrong reason". (There is no 'right' reason, but for me there are slightly wrong, and Very Wrong reasons - today would have been one of the latter)

And really, that's such a relief because if I had given in, well not at 11.30am, I'd have spent all day anticipating the drink - and right now (several hours later) it doesn't seem so bad after all.

So - something positive. I may be crap at work, but just look what I have achieved in battling this addiction! One year ago, I'd have been straight to Sainsburys to stock up on wine.

fullofhopefullness Fri 24-May-13 20:43:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mouseface Fri 24-May-13 20:43:21

Going back to the whole tv and drinking thing.......

Do you think that we notice it more because it's a problem for us? Do you think that we watch EastEnders/Corrie/Emmerdale or anything most days and think 'Christ on a Bike that's a bloody big glass of white' or that it's early in the day to be drinking..... like on This Morning or other shows where they have a cooking/recipe feature and they have a certain wine that goes with the dishes? At 10am?

I'm off to put Nemo to bed now but will be back.

I've just watched EastEnders (because I don't have enough drama and depression in my life, clearly) and watched 'Lauren' tell her mother that she was drinking because she wants to, because she likes it..............

I remember wanting to, liking it. I still do. But I can't, otherwise I become 'Lauren' and make a tit of myself in front of people who I care about and who care about me.

I wonder why it is that on tv, alcohol is still so prominent throughout the day but smoking isn't. By that, I mean not that long ago, someone would interview 'Dot Cotton' who smokes/d like a chimney, and she'd be allowed to puff away.

I remember those days well. Keith Floyd was always off his face whilst presenting. It's still all around us, alcohol, and yet I don't notice 'Dot' or whoever it mike be in a soap or tv drama smoking so much as I do when people drink.

Is that because I have a problem with my own relationship with drinking or because it seems to be there all of the time? I wonder if we asked a sober, never had a problem with drink ever, person if they felt same.

fullofhopefullness Fri 24-May-13 21:04:47

Day 8 here going to get to day 18250 quite soon!

lonnika Fri 24-May-13 21:09:51

Mmmmm food for thought Mouse - I would say we notice it more because we are more obsessed with drinking.

Yay full - day 8 and with a hell of a week - well done smile

aliasjoey Fri 24-May-13 21:30:37

Day 8 is brilliant fullof especially after the week you've had!

Ladame Fri 24-May-13 21:54:49

Mouse I so know where you’re coming from with this. I look actively for ‘people’ that drink more than me, either on tv, or in the papers because if I feel that they are seen to be drinking more than me, it gives me comfort in a strange way. At least I’m NOT THAT BAD. But, I’m fooling myself, because it is on TV or in the papers (can we really believe what we see or hear), it’s not necessarily true. I live in the land of wine and cheese. Cafes open in the morning to serve rose wine with coffee. In the late evening it’s coffee cognacs and in between it’s whatever your ‘poison’ is. I veer between being really good and abstaining for five nights a week, to only managing two nights off. If I read of a poster that is concerned that they are having two glasses of wine a night, a part of me dies inside when I know that if I open a bottle, then the bottle I will have. I know that I have little or no control over my addiction. I don’t want to give up entirely because it is a big part of our social culture over here. I don’t have the excuse of small children at bedtime. I’m quite comfortably off, I don’t have stress in my job (apart from the odd 15 lasagnes). Sometimes I feel a bit of a fraud on the thread because my life is calm and relatively stress free. But STILL I struggle. Why? I read about all your responsibilities, all about Purple’s journey, Clutter, Babyjane, Joey, Ma with Richard, Curry’ s awful problems to get a decent place to live, your life with Nemo and trying to get the best outcome for your darling boy. The new babes and everyone in between. Isinde’s job and trying to keep things on an even keel. Small babies and tiredness. I do think sometimes that I have no reason to ever feel tired, hard done by or sad. But I still do. That’s it really. I sometimes wish that I could gather each and every one of you and bring you over here for some peace and calm, but I can’t, I can only listen and take all of your stories to my heart and understand.

Beautiful post Ladame. It does sound like you have struggles to deal with on a daily basis. You live within a society and culture where alcohol is as natural as breathing and is everywhere yet you recognise that to drink every day is not healthy and something that on some levels makes you worry so you are constantly struggling with how life is lived and how you want to live yours. Well done for all the days AF that you give yourself.
Have managed to beat the WW tonight, ate quite a bit of chocolate instead but won't wake with headache with that. I really need to get a good stretch of days alcohol free done so that it's easier to fend off ww.
Hope everyone has had positive nights. Night from me xx

babyjane1 Fri 24-May-13 22:23:19

Hi babes, day 6 here and still hanging on. It's not the wine I miss but the escapism from the stressful and quite often monotonous life of a stay at home mum. I have managed the week so far with a flurry of activity by day and early to bed evenings but now the weekend looms and dh is in the pub and i miss the fuzzy cuddle that wine wraps around me. Earlier on i got so stressed with the nagging demands of dh and dd's I had to announce i was going for a walk for half an hour to calm down, normally the first large glass would be gulped for the same effect, I know I will not drink but I need to find another way to seek peace in my crazy world of selfish dependants, what do you all do instead? X x x

Mouseface Fri 24-May-13 22:25:12

Well done Full! That's brilliant sweetheart! smile

I think I agree Lonni - it's because it's in your mind, you want to drink, you see it more. Like when you are TTC, everyone you see is pg or trying to get pg.

Or, when you're trying to diet, all you see are food adds for chocolate! Cake! Sweets! Ice-cream or heaven forbid............CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!!! grin

So, lovely Brave Babes, here and not, it's time for this little mouse to find her bed. I'm drained. Tummy bugs and hormentals in a few short days have finished me off, thank Jeff I'm not getting shit faced on top of that too eh?

Thank you Clutter and Joey for the kind words re my plumbing smile xx

Nemo is in our bed again so I'm looking forward to some snuggling with him, DH has had curry and onion bhaji things which stink to high heaven and I'm glad he's in Nemo's bed, as they take days to get out of his system, YUK!!

Re teen DD's or teens in general? - my DD and I have an up and down relationship, mostly up these days because I don't push anything, I remember all too well the days of hating my mother..... she can tell me anything and I will do all that I can to help her, however she wants me to. And I always will, no matter what that might be.

I hate lies though.

Lies are what do the most damage for me. If she said to me 'mum, I'm going to XYZ with ABC tonight, but I'll call you when we are back at F's house, and when we get there.....' then that would be great, I could settle.

Instead, tonight she is with a friend who we know and like, she might be at her house, she might be at a festival that's nearby, I topped her phone up with credit whilst she was at school today - no 'thanks mum' as she would normally, because I wanted her to be able to call me/whoever should she need to. She's 14. Tall, pretty, and I hope, safe.

I don't want to text her... follow her on Twitter or FB the whole time, Tumblr, and all of the other social networks, I just want to know she is safe. Just for tonight. We live in a semi rural location so when multiple events like we have this weekend arrive, I worry. More. Stupid I know.

I have a bad feeling but that's because she went straight to her friend's from here this morning and I last saw her last night. I miss her.

I can't say that to DH.... he'll tell me to call her and I don't want to embarrass her. The girl who she is with tonight is much more 'advanced' than my DD. But I also hope more savvy re the dangers of life as a teen girl.

So, I'll text her goodnight and hope (with my whole achy heart) that she replies. Even if it's just 'night'.

Teens are hard work. Children are hard work. Life is hard work. But I wouldn't not have her, or Nemo. Life is precious, I just need to know that she is safe now, it's late. It's dark. Cold.

Goodnight Babes, stay safe tonight xxxxxxxxxxx

Mouseface Fri 24-May-13 22:31:29

Dame - you are wonderful, fabulous post making perfect sense smile

Thank you xx

Keep going Baby - it's 10.30 now....bed? You've won for tonight xx

Clutter - I have eaten chocolate here too, more in fact! Lindt 80% dark chocolate with orange slivers and almond strips...... to die for! All gone now sad grin

Right, I'm offski until tomorrow.

Take care all, sleep well xxxxx

Shaky Fri 24-May-13 22:33:40

Hello all you lovely Brave Babes.

Day 4 - DONE! (smile)

My armoured pyjamas are on grin Tonight has been hard again. This time last week I had no idea that I would be on this bus and sober for 4 days. What a life changing week.
Thank you ALL for your support over the last fews days. You are all wonderful, I don't know where I would have been without your help and wise words. thanks

babyjane1 Fri 24-May-13 22:34:33

ladame the ww does not differentiate between age, class, curcumstance or culture, you are as vulnerable as any of us so you are one of us and we welcome your posts. Your bottle a night and my bottle a night causes the same anxiety to both of us so we have that connection and I love your posts x x x x

Mouseface Fri 24-May-13 22:35:27

UPDATE - No festival (phew, cries a bit with relief) and she's safe and sound up in her friend's bedroom, warm, fed, and giggling her head off.

Why do we worry so much?

Night all xxxx

Mouseface Fri 24-May-13 22:39:20

<shakes Pom-Poms for Shaky>

4 days? GO YOU!! xx

Baby - what do we do instead? We all post here and have a good natter, find a soft drink that we love, make it up or buy one, start new hobbies, read, draw, sew, knit blankets for the Woolly Hugs crew, paint the house, save your money and put it in a pot then treat yourself on something other than booze.

It soon adds up!!!

I am really going now.

Night all xxxx

babyjane1 Fri 24-May-13 22:40:18

Go shaky well done you and mouse you take care and get better, your a gem x x x

greeneyed Fri 24-May-13 23:41:34

Night night babes, just marking place x

fullofhopefullness Sat 25-May-13 03:24:34

Thanks joey-absobloominlutely!!! Even my sense of humour returned!

fullofhopefullness Sat 25-May-13 03:30:34

Ps posts at 3 in the morning seem odd but ive got strange new routine that seems to work. Im going to bed as really tired early then waking about 3 and having cup decaff tea back to sleep and then waking up about 6. Feel much better for new routines in general - very habit breaking and still getting plenty sleep. I really like the 20 mins or so at this time of morning to think and post (when I feel like it) it feels very relaxing!

greeneyed Sat 25-May-13 06:37:49

Lovely post Ladame and I get it. I have lots of reasons excusesfor drinking at the mo, the stressful job, financial problems, ill health, sleep deprivation, crappy marriage. BUT when I been much happier I've drank more. It's habit and difficult to break in your situation I think finding something to replace the wine is key, some other sort of treat or activity if it stops you getting bored.

baby your doing well girl. This cheers me smile

Well I have a hangover and I'm sorry to be letting the side down! Going to some friends this evening. Wine will be drank. Time to regroup tomorrow and have a stern word with myself!

lonnika Sat 25-May-13 06:40:41

Morning smile. - It looks like we have a good few people waking up hangover free today smile
Day 26 for me smile
Well done shaky, baby, full and Ohclutter.
Is Phoenix still around ?
I hope everyone has a good day - my new drink to try tonight is apple and plum with lemonade - looking forward to it xx

greeneyed Sat 25-May-13 06:41:02

clutter i'm really hoping you see you neighbours looking really rough this morning and can smile a smug smile x

greeneyed Sat 25-May-13 06:48:10

lonikka i'm very jealous of your bright start to the day! I am going to drag my sorry arse (and purples if she'll let me) back on the bus next week.

Do we need another bootcamp or weight loss goal?( vanity motivates me)

Right must dig out my armoured pyjamas!

purps keep your self busy this weekend. Babies will be home soon x

This thread is not accepting new messages.