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DH kicked me, wtaf do I do now?

(60 Posts)
TotallyKerplunked Thu 23-May-13 23:00:07

DH kicked me while I was carrying DS, I fell and dropped DS (he is fine but I'm pretty sure my ankle is broken as I've broken it before).

DH flipped because I went to the shop while he and DS were napping and when I came back and found them both awake I said please don't sulk. t's not been great for a while but I would never think he would do that, he adores DS and I wouldn't believe he could do something so stupid that could have really hurt him.

I don't know what to do, I've told DH to leave and he has gone to his parents but he didn't take any of his stuff so I can only assume he will want to come back tomorrow. I haven't contacted the police, I don't want to jeopardise his job and as I'm a SAHM I rely on his income.

Can men change after a violent outburst? Is there any coming back from this? We have been together 7 years and its the first time he has even shouted at me let alone been violent.

Theyoniwayisnorthwards Sat 25-May-13 01:58:25

Hope you are alright OP and I am so sorry this has happened to you.

Lweji Sat 25-May-13 01:47:51

ExH did admit to his parents and apologised.
He still went on to attack me again and make death threats to me and my mother.

This kick was a vicious attack on you that could also have seriously injured your dc.

For both your sakes do not take him back and report it to the police.

AllegraLilac Sat 25-May-13 01:42:03

You have to leave this man op. it happened to me, he'll beat you black and blue and emotionally scar both you and your son.

Don't think 'not my husband'. Your husband has just proved he will kick his wife. The crying is nothing other than fear of emotional or legal punishment. Not regret or apology.

pegwin Sat 25-May-13 00:17:59

op glad you got treatment. hope it hurts a bit less now.
also glad things are a bit more relaxed without him there.

i know this must be really tough and overwhelming.

i am sure you will work out how to deal.with it come time.

however it may be a good idea to go.to police not just because dh deserves it but also because the more record you have of this behaviour the more likely you are to get legal aid etc. which you may need.

legal aid, CSA and what happens to the house, assuming you have one, can all depend on this. as a Sahm you may need this to protect your rights and those of ds.

ThatVikRinA22 Fri 24-May-13 23:52:39

chipped bone is actually classed as quite serious - and if its domestic related the police will be duty bound to act. That does not mean it will go to court - if you refuse to make a complaint then the CPS will most likely kick it out anyway - but they would still need to speak to your partner to get an account and if it were me attending i would want a statement even if its a non complaint statement to put to the CPS.....

but you absolutely should and need to report this. Dont play this down.
what if your baby had been hurt?
the first time is rarely the last time op. please do speak to police - this was his doing, not yours. Let the police bear the weight of dealing with him - let them take it out of your hands.

clam Fri 24-May-13 23:45:22

So, what are you planning on telling all the real-life people who are going to ask how you damaged your ankle?
Are you in plaster/an air boot/bandaging?

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep Fri 24-May-13 22:52:12

Totally, can I ask you two things please?

1) Why did you say 'please don't sulk'? I'm not sure what he would be sulking about - being left with DS? You leaving the house without permission? Does he often sulk?

2) Have you seen this thread - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody It's old now but still relevant, not sure how long you've been around these parts...

Hope op is getting her leg seen to x

crazyhead Fri 24-May-13 21:37:51

I think that if this was happening to someone else and you weren't in this situation personally, you'd see this man as dangerous scum.

It is all very well him crying and telling his parents - have you ever violently attacked someone physically more vulnerable than you in your life because you were a bit grumpy? An elderly woman or a child, say? I suspect that you haven't and never would and would not have it in you to do such an awful thing. Most people don't.

The fact is, this man does have in it him. Tell the police and get shot of him - I bet that's what you'd tell a friend to do, so treat yourself equally well.

You really must report this to the Police OP, you may require their protection if you decide not to continue contact with your husband (I will not say DH as he is not worthy of the dear part). You cannot predict how he will react.

You have a record of your injuries with the hospital already which is great.

Having disclosed what happened to the medical staff you may find that they (under child protection laws) make a report to social services, because the domestic violence occurred whilst your son was present. It is good practice to inform you that this will happen, but they do not have to.

If social services contact you, the fact that you have kicked him out will mean that they finish their investigations quite quickly, but if you allow him back that might not be the case.

You deserve not to be abused, your son deserves not to watch you being abused or to be caught in the firing line.

lougle Fri 24-May-13 20:53:05

So, if I'm reading correctly, you went to the shops while both your DH and your DS were asleep.

Because you were at the shops rather than at home, when your DS woke, your DH had to wake to get up to him.

When you returned, you realised that your DH had been made to get up to your DS and you knew that your DH would be unhappy with that?

You asked him 'not to sulk' and he, instead of sulking, kicked you so hard that you dropped your DS and have a chipped bone and damaged tendon sad

I'm not sure where you can go from here. That is a serious assault.

Sorry op, hope your ok

Gruntfuttock Fri 24-May-13 20:33:22

When you got back to from the shop you said to your DH "Please don't sulk" Why? What problem did he have with you going to the shop?

Imagine you have a dd. now she comes to you describing her partner doing what your DH has done to you. What advice do you give her?

Concreteblonde Fri 24-May-13 20:23:17

I am so sorry OP. but you have been abused. And for your sake and that of your child, you need to report this to the police. If I had posted on MN after the first punch tot he face, then I wouldn't have endured over 15 years of the life that I, and my children, have only just escaped from.

Please don't minimise what he has done. NO ONE has the right to lash out at another human being. The fact that you had your little boy in your arms is beyond contempt. You and your baby deserve better.

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 24-May-13 20:20:43

Space to think and breathe sounds good. Hope your foot feels better soon.

TotallyKerplunked Fri 24-May-13 20:15:50

Sorry I haven't updated earlier but had problems logging in, thanks for all the messages.

Been to hospital and the bone is chipped and damaged the tendon hopefully it will heal quickly. I did tell them how it happened and they were very good. I still cant bring myself to go to the police yet.

DH wants everything to carry on as though it never happened, he was at home when I got back, crying, apologising, he has got his parents to ring to apologise on his behalf so at least he had the balls to tell them what he did. I let him stay for a while for DS sake but told him to leave as soon as DS was in bed. I made him take some stuff so he wont need to appear for the rest of the weekend. I know I need to stop caring about everyone/what they think so i'm going to have some time focusing on just me and DS and see how I like it. I can say that already there is a lot less tension in the house and I feel a lot more relaxed without him here.

OrangeLily Fri 24-May-13 07:03:15

Oh you poor thing sad please please go to the police. Your son cannot grow up thinking this is acceptable.

I hope you mend well and get police help.

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong Fri 24-May-13 06:58:25

What would you do if a stranger walked up to you in the street and kicked you hard enough to break your ankle and make you drop your child?

What would you do?

Report them to the police and then never cross their path again, no?

Exactly. Be strong, you have MN behind you. You can do this. x

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Fri 24-May-13 01:45:51

Hi there, how is your ankle?

Please read your OP and imagine its written by someone you really like... Do you see how this lovely woman is not focusing on herself enough for the situation? She has been kicked so hard, her ankle may well be broken - that's a really really big thing to happen. This lovely poor woman isn't taking that in though, she's glad her sob didn't get hurt, and focusing on that, and on her h, but not herself.

OP do you think this is right? Sorry about the pronoun switch... But I don't think you are thinking straight about yourself. That's not in any way an accusation, I totally get why, but it's heartbreaking to read.

In so glad you went to the hospital, well done.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 24-May-13 01:21:14

Hope you are at hospital getting treatment.

No one in rl will believe me Well already one person does - I am glad your friend was quick to help. Have you family you can contact in the morning? I would tell someone you trust and see just how they respond. Don't be ashamed of or try to minimise your H's vicious outburst, suppose you had banged your head or dropped DS?

Come back to this thread when you are able, it will help you to plan what to do.

Tortington Fri 24-May-13 01:17:41

i dont understand why he flipped - he flipped becuase you went to the shop?

Bogeyface Fri 24-May-13 00:43:01
ColinCaterpillar Fri 24-May-13 00:39:20

Police yes

Do read the links here http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1763123-Support-for-those-in-Emotionally-Abusive-relationships-22

See if alarm bells ring

So sorry this has happened x

Lemonies Fri 24-May-13 00:04:48

Sorry he has done this to you Kerplunked,
Report it, for your own and your ds safety.

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