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Omg I just lost it with DH

(25 Posts)
A1980 Thu 23-May-13 16:12:30

DH sounds lovely (sarcasm)

Having said that, you need to pick your battles. Running around like a mad woman cleaning the house up for some workmen and swearing like a fishwife at your DH for not being ready on time. Does the house need to be spotless for a workman to give a quote? They are only workmen. Just leave them at the door and make him let them in or make them a coffee while they wait.

AgathaF Thu 23-May-13 14:42:34

He doesn't give you a lot does he?

He takes a lot from you though. He's had an affair, he doesn't support you, he has a porn habit, he doesn't go to bed with you (appreciate the sex thing but he could cuddle/chat/massage), he's snappy and bad tempered. It's not about how hard he is working either - he finds time for the porn and he found time to cosy up to another woman.

Personally, I think you should be saying 'fuck the decorating' and examine why exactly you want this man in your life still. If you do still, that is.

Lweji Thu 23-May-13 13:09:35

ok...

Next time, how about, while he showers, you show the workmen to the bathroom while you pack his bags?

MadBusLady Thu 23-May-13 12:42:44

You all right there Roxy?

KnockMeDown Thu 23-May-13 12:28:13

Sometimes, when there is a lot of shit stuff slowly creeping up, it can take something seemingly minor like this to just tip you over, make you snap. Its the straw that broke the camel's back. Reading just your OP it seems like an over-reaction, but everything else you have said since indicates that you have been putting up with a lot of crap for too long.
Time for a serious chat, methinks...

RoxyLady,

What do you get out of this relationship with him now?. I do not want to read "well he's a good Dad" if you do respond, what I would like to know is what he does for you emotionally, what he brings into your own life.

Now you're expecting his second child. What is supposed to be a happy time for you is fast again becoming miserable. Your children will not thank you for staying with such a selfish entitled individual in the long run.

What future do you see with this man exactly?.

Leverette Thu 23-May-13 12:15:03

Well all that puts a very different spin on the situation.

Sounds like a very unhealthy relationship and situation for you.

ShadeofViolet Thu 23-May-13 12:14:28

Why are you still with this man? Because he is funny?

MadBusLady Thu 23-May-13 12:14:14

And also, do you ever talk to him about how difficult you're finding things, and what is his response?

cestlavielife Thu 23-May-13 12:12:24

talk your midwife and get referred to a counsellor to talk it all thru with someone objective.

you have massive problems here with your h and it wont go away with a newborn will it ?

MadBusLady Thu 23-May-13 12:10:42

So an actual affair then, not just an emotional one. What happened after that? How did he help you rebuild your trust?

oscarwilde Thu 23-May-13 12:07:55

Unless your physical home environment is intolerable to live in, I would cancel any further appointments or just deal with it yourself when it is convenient for you.
Seriously - you two have bigger problems than your DH's motivation levels around redecoration. Arrange a sitter (preferably for a few hours every day) and get him out for a serious chat. You will have a newborn on your hands in a few weeks and unless you are formula feeding, the opportunity will have passed to a large extent.

RoxyLady Thu 23-May-13 12:02:14

We just seem on completely different pages

He'll come in at 3 in the afternoon from working and ask if our 2 yr old has had lunch yet? Its like he is on another planet.
At the moment he is funny and finanicialy provides for us well. Thats all i can think of.
He watches porn all the time and ive discovered from his search history he has a foot fetish whch makes me feel odd. Havent mentioned it
To him. We areny having sex during this preg as i had three miscarriages before this one and we didnt want to cause any problems.
Also he started an emotional affair with a girl at his work while i was pregnant last time with my daughter and they kissed two weeks after she was born. I think i cant cope anymore. I feel like im loosing it a bit.

cestlavielife Thu 23-May-13 11:43:24

and is it really a good time to get house redone if you a) pregnant about to have newborn and b) have spd and a two year old with no help ???

cestlavielife Thu 23-May-13 11:41:47

oh right so he isnt great.
what are his redeeming features?
and why doesnt he let you decide about the house if he so busy working?

cestlavielife Thu 23-May-13 11:40:59

put the two year old in nursery or with a childminder at least part time.

invite other mums to come to the house.
what about family? anyone near by?

with him it wasnt ok what you did but sounds like a bigger problem - my ex used to make us late all the time..it was defiinitely part of a bigger problem...

what does he do for you?
what are his good points?
why do you stay with him?
does he love his job?
is it such a good job and pays so much that you have a great standard of living and he is great otherwise that you dont mind being left holding the babies?

RoxyLady Thu 23-May-13 11:39:05

Oh yeah and this year he completely forgot my birthday....

RoxyLady Thu 23-May-13 11:31:46

I dont even have time to shower myself.
He constantly works. We never sleep in the same room anymore because he falls asleep downstairs. He is snappy all the time because he literally works 24/7 because his job is so demanding. When he is home he is too tired to do anything with our 2 yr old. I dont see anyone all day because im at home looking after little one and i have spd which hurts alot when i walk too far. The last timewe did anything as a couple was July last year for his bday and because he got ready so late we only had half hour to order and eat our food.
Now ive written this all down its seems alot doesnt it.

Its a bit of an over reaction, what would you think if you irritated your dh and he started grabbing things from you, flinging things at you and calling you a stupid cunt?

Just learn what needs doing in your house so you can talk to the guys yourself so you don't have to rely on his being there or tell the guys your dh will be down in a few minutes then go upstairs and tell him the guy is waiting for him and don't go back down.

BeCool Thu 23-May-13 11:31:25

oh you aren't crazy - but you need to let go, and let the quote people find him in whatever state he's in (if they need to deal with him).

Pass the responsibility over to him - it sounds like you have enough on your plate.

Or as Hecsy says, just go out. take a walk to the park or something & leave him to it.

Leverette Thu 23-May-13 11:28:40

Yes.

You owe him a big apology. That's some nasty verbal abuse you dished out.

Just make the quote guy a coffee and tell him sorry, my husband will be down soon, sorry to keep you waiting.

BeCool Thu 23-May-13 11:27:55

I understand - I get tired of asking my 5yo to get dressed and brush her teeth every morning. You'd think she would know what to do herself by now - its the same routine every morning!

Seriously Roxy you have to ask him to have a shower and get ready? Could he not just meet them unshowered, or in whatever state he presents himself in? Can't you leave this decision to him?

Or is it his way of opting out of home stuff?

Do you do everything in the home and re DC?

BumgrapesofWrath Thu 23-May-13 11:27:51

YANBU

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 23-May-13 11:27:45

Nope.

Don't sort them out? Go up and say "they're here" then take your two year old into his room and play with him?

Or go out before they're due to come in.

Or book the appointments for late afternoon.

RoxyLady Thu 23-May-13 11:21:43

Im currently 32 weeks pregnant. We are about to have out house redone and havig alot of people around to give us quotes. I tell him to get ready for when they arrive. All he has to do is get showered and dressed while i clean the house, make sure out 2 yr old is fed and clothed and make sure i look presentable.
EVERYTIME they arrive he is still in the shower and i am left to sort them out which is diffiult because i dont know what my dh needs and i end up looking stupid.
He did it again today. Showering himself while im running around trying to get it all ready.
I just lost it. I go upstairs after one of these quote guys is stood there... Waiting for my DH and he is just upstairs dithering about. I tried to grab his towel off.... Then flung some pants at him. He started laughing at me whih made me go even more mental... And i started seething through my teeth " get fing ready now u stupid c&&&&"
He is looking at me like im crazy.
Am i?

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